Hey Frank! Long time no speak. Just wanted to chime in. And offer support.
Men can win in NY. Every case is different.
Time to shift your focus. What's the worst possible outcome?? Very little parenting time, right?? You already know that. What's the best possible outcome?? You haven't discussed it much. But it is very little parenting time for her. I don't come here much anymore as it brings up a lot of memories. But you were always one of my rocks. A couple of phone calls you gave me early on really helped get me focused on the right track. I trust that your L is a good one and knows what she's doing. I just want you to think long and hard about what you want. And then start playing some offense here. You have nothing to lose but plenty to gain. And the deal you come out with is the one you have to live with. So don't leave any stone unturned. Not at this point. The "disruptive" issue is easily solvable by incorporating a parenting coordinator who can make recommendations for that. What's best for the children in your case is clearly more time with you. Your L needs to focus some attention on that and then drill away at it.
Do the kid's have an attorney?? If not, they should. Because your 9 year old son is old enough to voice an opinion through their lawyer. And he is clearly on to to your STBX's lunacy. The unfortunate thing is the cost for all this. Only the L's get rich and we are left to somehow make good with them and then start another life. Right. Too bad some of the L's can't try that in this economy. Unfortunately that is part of the collateral damage.
My point here is that clearly your kids are most important to you here, so you need to focus on that and take your best shot. Honestly, I was lucky. When I went hard after my kids, my STBX backed down. I don't think yours will that easily, but there are other ways to do this. And that will involve children atty/parenting coordinator. But I think a good L in your sitch can make a great case for you. I will pray and pray that happens Frank.
Don't worry anymore about what STBX rejects/accepts..it's her L now who is running the show and advising her. It's strictly biz from here on in.
I also want you to know there is life after all this. To update you, I have met a wonderful woman who I have been seeing now for 5 months this week. She went through a very similar situation to mine. We could finish each other's sentences and have a connection that I just can't believe. We both have full custody of 3 boys..yes a modern day Brady Bunch. I'm sorry I haven't stayed in touch. My situation got incredibly bizarre. Maybe we can talk soon. I'm praying for you Frank and thinking good things. Stay positive, sometimes you can be surprised at how things don't go as expected.
And as always continue the journey with Strength and Honor. As you always have. Your kids will never forget it and learn from it. That's one thing I have found out and has come out the last few months.
Your friend,
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
FIB, Just wanted you to know you are in our thoughts and prayers. Keep your head up and, as Mules said, continue with Strength and Honor. You're a good man, FIB, and a wonderful father!
Spent most of the morning in the hallway. Best buddy showed up to support me. Atty told me that"in her 26 years, she never had a client this well prepared. You write well." Well...thank DB and it's archives. Attys in chambers.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Thanks mules and Donna_Found. Comes down to protecting myself and my kids. I didn't ask for trial. It was rammed down my throat. FIB
PS...thanks for the outpouring of love and support from all. Hugs to all of you.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Judge ordered us out to hammer things out. No agreement yet on equitabl e distribution and CS. Judge has labelled me as a wealthy doc, doesn't believe my tax return and threatened to impude my income.FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
The judge should have first ruled on the custody schedule before diving into financials.
So, I guess first your lawyer should try to get STBXW's lawyer to agree that your income you have presented is correct. Other than that, you will need to do as J3B suggests to prove in court that your tax return gross is up and up.
Since you are honest about your financials, let the judge do whatever he wants!! Pffff, I am so confused with all the different laws in all the states over there. Hang in there Frank!
Maybe we should turn up as witnesses. I know a lot of us would be by you at the hallway if we could. Hugs K
