Let her go, my wife flat out told me, that she needed to figure herself out before she could do anything about the R, it really hit me, she just wants to be left alone, which I did. Quit being so grabby needy, be the man that knows a woman would be damn lucky to be with you, that is the attitude you need to project.
Let her go, my wife flat out told me, that she needed to figure herself out before she could do anything about the R, it really hit me, she just wants to be left alone, which I did. Quit being so grabby needy, be the man that knows a woman would be damn lucky to be with you, that is the attitude you need to project.
Burt
It will actually be easier to let her go now, since I don't have a choice. She doesn't want me anywhere near her apartment, so there won't be any pursuing. I have gotten used to not calling or texting, so no real problem with that etiher. A one year lease and all new furniture are permanent steps, so she is oviously moving on despite what she says at times. Realizing that makes me know that I have to do the same.
As for projecting that attitude, that's some time away for me. Right now it's just about staying alive. I have lost over 25 pounds that I didn't have to lose. I am eagerly awaiting the Prozac to kick in, but after almost 2 weeks I feel nothing.
Actually glad to be at work today. I am off tomorrow, but have a busy day of errands and chores planned. This isn't going to be easy....
You sound like you may be off-the-charts "Physical Touch" as your LL (love language). No shame in that -- I am, too! I just love skin-on-skin contact, even non-sexually. Backscratches, headscratches, arm rubs -- love it all.
Well, when you're in a D, S or SSM, those opportunities can be few and far between. What I wanted to suggest to you is to look into getting either a full-body massage or a chair massage regularly -- as much as you can afford (1x/week, or 1x every-other week, etc.). Others have posted that it's really helped them.
When I was going thru my sitch, I almost broke down and cried in my car once after getting a frigging HAIRCUT, realizing just how good the shampoo felt, the touch of a woman's hands (yeah yeah, pathetic ain't it?).
Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there for you. Hang in there buddy.
Remember to enforce your boundaries with the house.
It's good I have the kids, but they have their own lives and I need to be careful not to lean on them. I can't use them to replace what I no longer get from my wife.
As for house boundaries, WAW will most likely be at the house on Sunday to bring groceries and maybe make dinner for S16 and she and I. D18 will be at work. I doubt WAW will even want to be around much at all and will also be too busy for this month. I am willing to just let things flow in order to keep things smooth prior to and during the family vacation at XMAS.
But, in January will have to set boundaries that will give me space and time to heal. Really not sure at this point how I will feel then, but will deal with it at that time.
You sound like you may be off-the-charts "Physical Touch" as your LL (love language). No shame in that -- I am, too! I just love skin-on-skin contact, even non-sexually. Backscratches, headscratches, arm rubs -- love it all.
Well, when you're in a D, S or SSM, those opportunities can be few and far between. What I wanted to suggest to you is to look into getting either a full-body massage or a chair massage regularly -- as much as you can afford (1x/week, or 1x every-other week, etc.). Others have posted that it's really helped them.
When I was going thru my sitch, I almost broke down and cried in my car once after getting a frigging HAIRCUT, realizing just how good the shampoo felt, the touch of a woman's hands (yeah yeah, pathetic ain't it?).
Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there for you. Hang in there buddy.
Puppy
There is no doubt that my LL is physical touch!!! I have no idea how I am going to live without cuddling, sex etc. I think WAW will still give me hugs when we see each other, but that will likely be it.
Odd thing - this morning has we had a brief naked cuddle before she got out of bed, I said something about it being the last time in our life. She replied with "it's harldy going to be the last time in our life". She then mentioned that we are going on vacation together soon (she still thinks we might share a room)and that's about when she called me a drama queen.
I really can't read what WAW is actually thinking, but her comments really make me wonder. It's almost like she thinks we will still be kinda married and she will just live somewhere else that in her words "is only a few minutes away" and "it's not like I am dropping off the face of the earth".
I will be leaving for work soon, and when I come home she will be gone.
We slept in our/my bed last night and then this morning she got up early and left. We had a very brief cuddle before she got out of bed and few words were exchanged. While to me this is the biggest day of my life, she seems very cold and acts like it's not really the end of our marriage. She even referred to me as a "drama queen" when I said it would likely be the last time in our lives we wake up together, cuddle etc.
While it makes me sad that she cares so little, it also makes me realize it's time to move on with my life. It actually makes me a little angry and I can use that anger today.
The third stage of my life starts today. I am scared and lonely.
Well change that. You now have freedom. You no longer have pressure to be any kind of husband to her, just like she is enjoying not having any pressure to be any kind of wife to you.
As for the comment about not being a "drama queen" from her, she is enjoying her power in this relationship, do you think she doesn't know how much you want her and want your marriage to work? You've played into her hands so much and the only appeal left in all of this for her is that she still enjoys pulling your strings & controlling you.
Seriously, it was an insensitive thing for her to say but she said it anyways because she knows how you feel, you've been an open book up until this point.
Start living your life.
Start enjoying it.
As for your wife, I'm going to say this again because no doubt I've mentioned this somewhere in your thread or someone else's. Your wife is leaving and you need to be OK with that instead of broken. What I want you to do is grieve the end of this relationship and then MOVE ON. If she ever comes back, make her work for it, don't allow her to easily come back into your life. She is creating havoc in your life, turning your life upside down without any regard for the marriage that she helped create. If your wife is leaving your home to move into her own apartment, it isn't so that she can find herself again. Read between the lines. Would she need another apartment if she were going back to school to get a degree to obtain a new job or figure out a new career path? She only needs an apartment to sleep with another man, just because she doesn't come out & say it, doesn't mean that this isn't a plan that's in place. She is careless (ie. the comment she mentioned this morning) and reckless with what she is doing. She isn't used to having this much choice in her life: staying married, living at home with you and working on creating a great new relationship with you or moving out, experiencing the world and other men. She has alot of options and people who don't know what they want can create alot of pain for the people around them (ie. YOU).
Honestly, grieve for a week and then host a party at your place: guys & girls, have a blast.
Move on with your life.
You want a chance at getting her back, move on with your life as if it's over with her.
The sooner you detach, the sooner that any change that is possible will actually happen.
She even referred to me as a "drama queen" when I said it would likely be the last time in our lives we wake up together, cuddle etc.
Quote:
A one year lease and all new furniture are permanent steps
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I am eagerly awaiting the Prozac to kick in, but after almost 2 weeks I feel nothing.
I know you are hurting today so you get a pass. So my early Christmas gift to you is "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. I promise it will help you - marriage, work, family and life. Go buy it and send me the bill.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Rob - I still don't believe there is another man in her life at this point. Although, that would be the one thing that would make her leave her kids. Regardless,there could be at any time. And if a man shows later, I will likely never know when he was first in the picture.
As for the living my life without her, you are correct. It's time to do so. I am not the kind of person to throw a party, but I get the idea. Really, I have no choice but to live without her and I can do that sadly or as happily as possible. Those are my choices.
