Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

I hope you are able to step back from this and look with eyes that are not clouded over with love. You need a clear head to even attempt R.

No. Ironically I wathced "the Changeling" this moring about a a mother who never gave up for her son, in hopes he was still alive. At many times I regarded my XW (well, W as she would repsond to my probing) as dead. But, she repsonded, she knew I was searching her out. And, there she was. Alive and well. I think we'll pull thought this yet. I've never received a vaild, legitimate answer to many puzzling questions I've posted here all pointhing to XW looking for a hand, a hand I failed in extending to a vast degree.

I just want my XW to be happy, weither it's with me, or whomever, and yes, I told her that, and her eyes said where she want to be.

[NoCodeBlues]

Baby steps, Dylan, baby steps.

I reeaaally hope this miracle pans out for you. But I too advise caution.

I guess it's me and the road I've tread. If my xW ever said and acted as yours has, and were I ever given a chance to really stare deep into her eyes just like we did many, many years ago, I don't think I could ever trust my ability to read what's really there any longer. I've been there before, read that story before in her eyes, saw what I thought was true and genuine there -- and yet here I am now. No, no, for me there's just no going back now. I could never trust it, not with her -- not unless God himself stepped in and the whole choir invisible sang a pronouncement of her soul being saved and restored in good standing.

I just don't see that happening. And I get the feeling that God has been trying all this time to get me to realize it just ain't ever going to happen.

But then my xW has turned out to be the supreme actress, and she exudes a "sincerity" from her reality distortion field that is so believable because she believes it herself. I think I am immune to her siren song now.

That's where I hope your ex differs from mine, Dylan. I really hope she's not a "player" like mine is.

[dday101798]

Gosh, apologize for my crappy typing, very emotional, very happy, but I guess at this atage in the game, very mis-understood.

There IS hope.

[dday101798]

That's where I hope your ex differs from mine, Dylan. I really hope she's not a "player" like mine is.

It is no play. I may be hoping, and praying, and let her know that. But, the person I saw today, and the communication through those eyes, is a person I knew I could love and trust, and we covered many aspects (too many in detail without boring every one), and I know, the person I touched tonight was genuine, and nuch the same as she was almost a year ago, yet not lost and ocnfused, but a whole heated loving person who I shouldn't fear.

I've given up on the past, after all, it is what it is. The person who gazed me back, well even said the same.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yesterday, I was supposed to go out on a date . . .

CAREFUL, Dday. This could just be a reaction on her part to you dating, and all of the emotions surrounding the holidays.

How long has OM been out of the picture? Have you confirmed it? Is your wife willing to be fully transparent with you? What were your conditions/dealbreakers that you were looking for, and is she willing to do them? (sorry; I haven't followed your thread in quite awhile)

Piecing is for when both spouses are fully committed to the reconciliation process, and ready to take the steps necessary.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Oh, and I posted that BEFORE I just now read that you think she's had a blow-up with her OM less than a week ago.

Tread very slowly, buddy. I'm not seeing a lot of "meat" here; just a gaze, and you're melting.

Puppy

[dday101798]

Thanks for dropping in Puppy.

I spent the morning driving in thinking of those conditions and dealbreakers, and re-evaluating evertyhing that has transpired in the last few days.

It's without question, she must sever all ties with him. No ifs ands or buts about it and that has always been my stance, so I don't even have to say anything to that regard. As to how long has he been out of the picture? Well, I did point out at dinner that a mark on her ring finger looked like one was pretty freshly removed. She didn't try for one second to deny it and re-itterated what she's said a hundred thousand times before, she just couldn't get serious with him, but he apparently felt otherwise. I know they've had a rocky relatation for probably the duration, seriously, what kind of whole hearted relation can be founded from an A? But that is my main dealbreaker, he must go and be gone, period.

Which brings me to the condition: time. I am not ignorant tot he fact that she has been in his company as late as Saturday night. She says all they did is fight because she has told him time and time again how she feels for me and misses the togetherness of the family they destroyed together. She even went so far as tell me she said everything felt as if it were a MLC, of which I 100% agree. So, that's the main condition, time, take the time to out him once and for all, and make 100% sure she is commited should things go the route of R, which honestly I see no other way this could go. We both know how we feel, and we both know we just simply can't be friends, it would just be far to hard. And we both know that we did in fact make a huge mistake.

After I made my last post last night, she initiated a 2 hour long text exchange. Mainly thanks for the great time we had, and she enjoyed the sense of the togtherness. In the exchange, as at dinner, I said that it's a whole easier and better now that all the MR stuff is just done with, all those problems are over. Everybody's faults are out in the open and there's nothing more that can be said or done about them happening. Point blank, the slate is clean.

So, steps, one at a time steps, and time it's self. We both also have the advantage that we need time to re-establish our own lives, and get ourselves back on our feet too, before anything 'serious' can become.

So, in a nutshell, I guess I'm at the "show me" stage. because she does have to show me, once and for all he is gone, without question. Actually, she messaged me this morning if I was "in trouble" with my cousin (cousin got pretty pissed when I said we were going ot dinner ). I just replied now, no, but if I could ask, are you? We'll see where that goes.

[volleydog]

Wow D, just got caught up in your thread...I am happy for you but I will say what everyone else has go slow, not just for you but more for the kids...Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

So, in a nutshell, I guess I'm at the "show me" stage. because she does have to show me, once and for all he is gone, without question.

Perfect. Now is the time to ask her to send him a "no-contact" letter, and to set up a full transparency plan with you. You'll know in short order how sincere she is then.

Puppy

[dday101798]

Thanks v-dog (still won't use VD lol). Yes, slow and steady is the course.

she messaged me this morning if I was "in trouble" with my cousin (cousin got pretty pissed when I said we were going ot dinner ). I just replied now, no, but if I could ask, are you? We'll see where that goes.

LOL, got the reply "OM isn't talking to me but I knew that was going to happen". I couldn't help but get a little synical with 'well, OM should have thought harder when he put himself in the middle of a family and just get over it'. I must say, I have come far to not have any emotion or thought of them and let her speak candidly of him, whereas before even just referencing OM as him or you know who would just bring my blood to boil.