Thanks for the validation Gardener, really feels good to get some known again lol! Your right I do think he is using all the self esteem stuff as an excuse to still play in Teddyland. As much as I'd like to help until he is really ready nothing I say will help! But of course I will if/when he asks me!
Thanks Bonny I will look that book up, ok I had a bad go at relate but I do know other folks have that have had good experiences!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Totally on the nail there Cas! He did/has neglected himself and doesnt think he is worthy of looking after, but funny enough moving three counties away hasnt made a lot of difference, financially he hasnt been able to pursue that much! I think my S had the right idea. H went looking for greener grass, hes now found out its not greener but hes none to keen on coming home as the grass is now really brown because of the mess he has caused/left behind! Even though I have GAL and done 180's for me I can't make the grass greener here until HE gets a job. I cant move on without the maintenance he will give me and without a job he cant pay that! I have wondered especially as Coach mentioned that men like to be the providers that he wont come home until he can provide again!
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 11/23/0909:07 PM.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I think Coach's words about men liking to be providers is very true, that is one thing I have discovered with my H now. If I mention that I would like to buy something in particular or need something in particular, he now provides it without me having to go and get it, he doesn't say he is going to do it, just does it.
Your H is working his way back out of his fog or wherever he has been, it will however require a bit more patience on your part for him to return fully, so I wouldn't be in a big hurry with your expiration date. Keep going as your are with your activities and enjoy your new found freedom of having a job but still try to remain supportive and interested in your H and what he is doing. I have found that becoming more interested in my H's interests has made the world of difference as we continue moving forward.
Well I have chatted to H on msn a bit and also a short phone call, now Im back at work I am busy most evenings and very shattered!
Have gone quiet on H really, felt it would be better if I backed off when I started work, mostly because of lack of time and also because I felt after a little bit of showing him what he was missing it was now time to go mysterious again. Especially now we are coming up to party season, I can feel a lot more mysterious xmas parties happening lol!
He has pursued a tiniest bit but now I feel its time to expect a bit more! Not going to accept lack of money on his part as an excuse, it doesnt all have to be about monetary things! Anyway off out with a mate to celebrate her birthday so off to doll myself up, unfortunately H wont be able to see, but he plans to be around some of next week so Im definitly going to work in short wooly skirts, opaque tights and sexy knee high boots, do you think the fact I work in a very male orientated enviroment might worry him, I do hope so!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hi Rabbit, I like your approach... sounds like the right way to go for your sitch. You know the thing about getting dolled up, wearing the sexy clothes, etc. Even if our H never see it, it makes us feel good, boosts our confidence, which eventually H sees too. I am really working on that myself and it is helping me a lot.
H is coming home tomorrow, I havent seen him for a fortnight as he was up at the beginning of the week before last then busy with stuff the following week. This is the going to be the longest time he has stayed with him saying so before hand, up till now hes said he's coming for a few days then lottered lol! He is coming up tomorrow and staying till saturday, then heading off again for three days to do his photography then coming back, definitely till friday but hasnt said when hes going back after that!
We have been having some honest talks over msn cant talk on the phone easy as his mobile has an awful signal where he lives. But have certainly started talking more open about how he is feeling, and also a big break through is actually talking about going to the docs and sorting out his sleeping problems and even talking about the fact he is probably depressed!
Now for the giggle, my twenty one year old quite open spoken son popped in tonight, and when I mentioned I was chatting with his dad and briefly what it was about he said he had spoken with him friday, ohh dear I said "your dad told me he was quite depressed friday did he sound it" S replied "yes he asked me when I was going to visit and moaned I hadnt popped in to see him whilst I was near him on my first aid course this week, and I turned round and asked him, when was he going to see sense and move home, adding that at the beginning he thought he may have a point but now he cant see the point of him being on his own being miserable when he could be back with us" I so laughed and laughed I couldnt believe he'd said it, well I could but you know what I mean, he had said exactly what I have wanting to have said for weeks lol! Although I did say to H last night I didnt want to be his friend, well not in the context of a friend and not a husband!
So wish me luck folks I do think this is going to be make or break time, bearing in mind its a new year in five weeks time it cant have slipped his mind that me having mentioned I have an expiry date its highly likely its the 1st Jan 2010 and Im moving on!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
