Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[Jstar]

I can guess to why he is anger, probably because i call him on everything and don't let a thing slide. we have issues of his family hating me because apparently me arguing with him infrong of them makes him loose face and feel imasuclated. his mother even called me on my profession that while i'm arguing with my husband i should be acting like a teacher. i don't feel he takes my feelings and how he should b emaking choices seriously until i tell him to get out then he stops and pays attention.

we argue about what money he does make goes for his mother and father, thus another reason they don't want us together. she has even gone as far as to say that i killed the other baby i was pregnant with and trying to kill the one i am pregnant with present day. i should be so enthused to have our d2 watched by her and have to pick her up at their crappy apt each day?

i also call him on him continually choosing his friends and family over me. after i work all week, not doing anything together all week, he wants to go hang with his friends because he feels obligated to them.

all i know at this point is that i'm employing the lrt been 2 days since any contact and i think that is my only hope of ever saving my marriage. i mean i totally doubt things all the time.

i have bot Divorce Remedy and DB. i have to keep rereading the lrt and remember that any action thought of pursuing will push him away.

[newmama]

I love my baby but it's hard taking care of him by myself every night and day. My baby barely sleeps during the day, too.Sure, WH would be quick to remind me that he is over here so many hours. But he will never ever know what it's like and what I am going through. I read on other websites how the BSs want their WSs to "get it"--to understand what they put them through. But that is an impossible request. They will never know. And if we want them back, that is another sacrifice we are choosing to make. To take them back knowing they will never understand what they put us through. Also, we would have to forgive them for not being able to know!

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[newmama]

Jstar,

LRT sounds good in your case! But so would be reading her other book, Getting Through to the Man You Love. It retrains you to not nag or belittle (even if he is totally wrong and you are right) but to praise, be specific in exactly what you want, and praise some more.

So you could try to work on yourself while doing LRT (I know you're pregnant and have a 2 year old) but you could choose one goal like being complimentary. When you have to see him for some type of approved reason, be polite and compliment him.
OH- you can do this to his mom, too! Start complimenting your H when you talk about him and kiss her ass, too!

I know you don't want to, but it might make your husband stop and realize you are changing, something he didn't think could happen. Then maybe he would be willing. This takes a long time and I would use the divorce busting coaches if I were you--it will cost you about $375 for 3 sessions and you have to use all 3 with no refund if you don't. I have my 2nd session on Monday.

[Jstar]

i've done the mom talking to before but we are at such ends that i am not even allowed to step foot in her house. they hate me that much and have alterior motives. as long as my h is there she sees him as a way out finincially. she mentioned to him when he first left she wants to rent a house of course with my h because he has always been the one child out of 6 to continue to support them. my father in law is allowed to work in the usa but is not skilled, not a go getter and prefers to use my h has his crutch. mother in law is illegal never worked in her life and just kisses her husbands ass.

with my h at their 2 bd aprtment with 3 adults and 1 child he is a built in husband substitute for her and provides them with money. i've tried to explain to him that there will never be anything i could do "right" in her eyes. that his parents have a different plan for him, me not in the picture and will continue to put those things in his ears.

i used to try to not find fault in his mother because ultimately it is my h who chooses to accept to do things for her. thus why i always believe he chooses them over me.

[newmama]

Jstar,
Wow--he is totally enmeshed with his parents. Is there some middle ground or shall I ask...what is the most you are willing to put up with regarding his family? I don't think it's realistic to expect him to cut them out, you know?

How is NC going? Did you say you have done it before? Do you think your H believes you will keep it?

[Day by Day]

Thanks newmama for replying to my thread. I've started reading yours and want to finish since I'm getting a whole lot from it.

Thanks again for stopping by my thread and commenting!

Day by Day

[newmama]

About my sitch--yesterday WH picked up our baby to take him over there, came back, gave him a bath and left. Usually he hangs out longer! Here is a boring recap:

He told me that he fed him baby food (over there). For some reason this bugged me and he could tell. He asked if I was okay to which I replied yes! Then I asked him casually when his day off was next week and did he want to get the tree then. Sounds good.

He asked if it was fine if he helped me take the decorations out today instead of yesterday, then left.

He sent a text around 7:30 last night asking if our baby was still stuffed up. I replied and he sent one back saying "you guys have a good night" I replied "okey dokey you too"

Okay so this is silly but please let me know what you think

Today I will be deflating the mattress in the spare bedroom to make room for some stuff that I have to move out of the living room. This is the bed he originally took to his apartment, brought back when he was staying here after our son's birth, and I assume would be sleeping in it for awhile if we R.

Good or bad to remove the bed or neutral?

We also have stuff in the office that he keeps saying he needs to move...but hasn't, along with 99% of his other things.

I guess I am worried that I will be encouraging him to start to move the stuff and then finish the D paperwork.

thoughts please???

[newmama]

Day by day, I look forward to following your thread, er life, too! sad that we have to be in this situation but the support and encouragement from others really helps.

[newmama]

Well no one answered my question. Sigh. I decided to wait until Wed to have him take the decorations out. It will be the same day we are going tree chopping.

On his way over he asked me if I wanted anything from Taco Bell (our favorite fast food restaurant) so I got something.

He didn't bring his work bag!

I decided to try and "act" like my old self which is chatty, cheerful, joky, bubbly. I have been "polite" but nice. The only thing missing is saying "I love you" and swatting his butt or giving him hugs and kisses (I am affectionate). Oh and I can't really ask him about what he's been up to since it is with OW!

So I have worked out, showered and am on my way to grocery shop.
There is a football game this Thursday...I want to watch it because it is a Civil War game with my alma mater (spelling?) He wants to see it too. Usually I go out on Thursday nights but will skip it this week and make nachos for the game.

He has a terrible cold so I keep showing my concern and told him if he felt horrible I don't need a "day off" and he could stay home to rest. He said for selfish reasons he comes to see his boy but is just trying not to cough on him.

[chatterbug]

Go buy 2 big cheap tupperware containers.

Toss all that stuff in it.

Place it in the basement or garage.

When he comes over. Tell him you packed it up already for him and tell him where the containers are.

Let him move them out.

You have already helped.

As for the mattress. Remove it. Say nothing. Do what you need to do to live in your house.

ITS YOUR HOUSE.

Remember removing stuff can be very therapeutic.