I have been through a bout of depression the past few months. I now find myself moving from depression over all this to anger at OMH and X for the damage they have done to my life and the lives of my children. I am rapidly reaching the point where I don't give a ____ what happens to X.
Me too, and I realize how hard this is for people like you and me. We want to think the best of them, but that kills us.
Anger is a healer. We need to allow this because they DID do a lot of damage regardless of what we think of our own blame. Neither you nor I did anything that justifies them breaking up the family and having affairs. Nothing.
I reread FG's response and it is great. Yes, we have to heal ourselves. We have to do this so that we can recognize what our mistakes were and try to do better next time. We will grow and move on.
"I now find myself moving from depression over all this to anger at OMH and X for the damage they have done to my life and the lives of my children. I am rapidly reaching the point where I don't give a ____ what happens to X."
You may always care, but it is a distant caring. Perhaps ladyfriend was YOUR bandaid, sigh.
As far as being angry, well, you are also being honest, and that is healthy, Sleeper. Forgiving someone who turns our lives upside down and hurts us so badly is not easy--and it is not as if they are saying they are sorry.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
My kids and I just returned from a camping trip out of state. We had a blast hiking and exploring and will definately go back one day. We pitched our tent about 30 yards from a small waterfall.
The kids are out of school for the week and I have them.
I'm good.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
For those who are into the ephemeral I had a dream a little over a week ago in which I felt X was done with OMH and comtemplating bringing it to an end.
For those who are focused upon the empirical;
X mentioned she wanted to go with me and the kids on our camping trip last weekend and asked me if that would be "OK". I didn't know what to say and don't remember what I did say. She did not go. She asked that I have the kids call her while we were gone. I obliged as I've never refused such a request and she let me have the kids early on her time. The kids were having so much fun at one point she TMed me she wished she had gone and wanted to go the next time.
Tonight she knew I was taking DS to a movie and a "boy's night out" as DD is on a sleepover. She called as we were on the way to the movie and asked if she could come too. Once again I didn't know quite what to say and hesitated but then she concluded it would be "weird" and decided she would not join us.
She related to me how much she missed the kids and wanted to be with them as she apologized/explained why she wanted to go with us. I told her I totally understood and no explanation was necessary as I have experienced the same emotion when she has the kids.
She has called twice since we left the movie. The first to ask how the movie was and the second to ask if she could take DS for ice cream. I told her it was too late and she agreed.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
"She related to me how much she missed the kids and wanted to be with them"
Does your wife not understand that this is what happens when you have an affair divorce your spouse and marry some one else, you both lose time with your kids and when they are with the other parent, you don't get to tag along period.
Not sure where you ex's mind is or why she thinks she is entitled to time with the kids when it's your weekend.
Your not the back up plan when her husband is away for the week, I bet he was out of town when she pulled this, it seem to be her motto.
I think you should write downs some pat answers when she goes to LaLa Land and request things that a MARRIED TO ANOTHER MAN WOMAN should not ask of her EX Husband.
Not sure where your ex's mind is or why she thinks she is entitled to time with the kids when it's your weekend. You're not the back up plan when her husband is away for the week, I bet he was out of town when she pulled this, it seems to be her motto.
My X is damaged goods. Her feeling of entitlement on access to the kids has faded. She now asks and I oblige when it is convienent for me. On one of her subsequent call the other evening she asked to see DS but I told her it was too late. I cannot help her with her issues but only feel my way through this and set up what I believe to be healthy boundaries when I recognize a need of such as I navigate my way through this minefield.
No, he was at the house the other night when I went by with DS to get some of DS's stuff. He hovers over her and follows her around like a puppy dog. His being OK with her "tagging along" would be evidence to her of what a "great guy" he is although I'm beginning to see such as evidence of how messed up he is also.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Sleeper, I have to agree that your X's request to go along on a trip is just weird. I think a boundary there is appropriate--too confusing for the kids, which, of course, is the most important thing.
Not to mention that it would upset OM. Which I am sure is important to you. Not!!! (Have to admit that any thought of upsetting OP is entertaining as I am just not that big of a person.)
The peek that I got of OW showed me that yes, the OPs are pretty messed up.
You sound better.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
