I'll chime in. The first problem is your daughter stole your credit card and charged things that you did not approve of. If that had happened to me, it would be the end of the discussion with my daughter. I would have spent the limit. Any other expenses she wants would be for her to figure out. She's an adult now. There's no excuse for what she did and at some point you have to relay that to her. What she did is not right. Maybe if she wants to spend the limit she should get a job and pay for it.
I say this only because I have two 19 year olds. One is responsible, the other is not. One has had a part-time job since he was 15 with the exception of his first college semester, when I asked him not to work and he did not. He ended up with $900+ in his account before going back to work. The other is always broke. The always broke twin can make money, but he has to work for it. He takes care of my yard, and I pay him for that, but I don't pay him if he does not work. Too bad, too sad. Life works that way. BUT, if he stole something from me, he would not be welcome in my house. And I would have to tell him that.
Last year, when my responsible twin was having to get checks from me for books and college fees, and it became a hassle, I called my credit card company and put him on my account. It made life easier. He would never charge anything that I did not approve of and he never has. Plus his credit is being built because of that. I told his twin brother last weekend that he could have the same advantage if he became responsible. At some point they are responsible for what they do and the divorce has nothing to do with it.
FL, you going to dinner is the result of your hard work and you deserve to do whatever you wish with the rewards of your hard work. Do not allow your child to dictate what you do. It's your money and you can do whatever you wish with it. You take care of them with the child support you pay every month. It sounds to me as if your D is taking over your STBX's mantra.
Well, the dilemmas continue. The kids are supposed to be with STBX from Wednesday when school lets out through the end of the weekend. They were with me last year.
S11 has a hockey tournament in NJ on Friday-Sunday. He's got a late Friday nite game and an early Saturday morning game.
Here it is, 24 hours from school getting out for T-giving. STBX sends me an email stating that because of S11's game ending so late on Friday, and the next game being so early, she and he will have to stay over.
She has asked that D17 and D19 stay with me because "obviously, they can't be left alone". As you recall, D19 had her second beer party at my apartment last summer, and D17 has an eating disorder that seems to be semi-under control but you never know, so there is some validity to that.
STBX lives in the 3 bedroom house that I continue to pay for.
Her scum-bag lawyer boss paramour bought D17 a Jeep when I was in Iraq that STBX will not allow her to use in any way to benefit me, including driving to my 1 bedroom apartment on the days she visits me.
D19 is home from college and is spending most days working at the deli she has been working at for the past 3 years (despite her craziness, she is an excellent employee!)
I have had plans for two months to go away from Friday morning through Sunday. There's no way she would ever help me. ([i]It's not my problem. You should have planned for this and reviewed the schedule...........you know the drill......)If I was going to be at home, so problem. Sure.
This is more of a rant that an "advice seeking session".
It's about time to set boundaries with D19 and D17. I'm thinking most teenagers need to be allowed to stay in the home where they live even if mom is gone for a day, and they need to be read the riot act.
I'm NOT going to be guilted into changing my plans. As Kevin Spacey said in "American Beauty" "YOU never get to tell me what to do...ever again"
Child care during her "visitation" is her problem. Not yours... Have a fun weekend. If she's that worried... she can take them with her....right?
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Yea.. the other word for that is bullying! Well you can see by my signature that our reconcillation has failed as well. So we are in the beginnning stages of divorce. However, we don't have the issues that you have with your wife.
Don 't you work in the school system. They have a wealth of information on bullying tactics and how to deal with them. Even though they are for kids... why don't you read a little bit up on them... it may give you some ideas on how to cope and handle her bullying.
She is one angry person... sucks to be her.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
While I agree that maybe they shouldn't be left unsupervised, they are both older, not 12. And it's her problem if she doesn't want to take them with her. Since it's her time with them.
You shouldn't have to change your plans on short notice for anything less than an emergency - one of the kids being sick or hurt. Neither of which applies in this case, just XW waiting til the last minute.
Hope you have a very fun weekend and enjoy the time off.
Happy Thanksgiving too!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I got an email from STBX yesterday, that I've copied and pasted. I've changed the names to protect the innocent.
She is the master manipulator. I can't believe with a trial about to happen "the smartest woman in the world" puts some of this in writing.
Check out the bold print. What do you guys think? I may be able to have the girls stay with me on Friday, BUT I HATE BEING HELD HOSTAGE!
A little background before you read this. On a weekend last May, I went to a wedding a state away with Gym Woman. I asked D17 to stay with S11 at my place. I gave her my car and enough money to have every meal out, plus enough for entertainment. Right or wrong, STBX took it upon herself to say this was not appropriate, and she volunteered to have the kids stay with her. Last Thanksgiving, she again volunteered to take D17 who was battling with the eating disorder. D19 was with me.
As to this weekend I will ask you to rethink your plans please. I took D17 last year for the entire Thanksgiving holiday because you were taking S11 to a hockey tournament. I also took the kids for the weekend when you and Gym Woman went to a wedding in New Jersey on a weekend that you were scheduled to have them even though I had plans already and I had no advanced notice from you that they needed to be cared for. It was not appropriate to leave two minors alone for that period of time. You are the one putting the kids in a very difficult position. The girls can not be left alone overnight as you well know. If I can't make other plans for the girls I have no other choice but to tell S10that he will have to miss the game on Friday since his dad won't help with the girls. There is no point in my making up a story about this.
The kids have talked to you on many occasions about how it bothers them that you and your plans always seem to come first. As their father, for their sake, I really hope you give this more thought.
