Because even though she rarely eats sweets, she suddenly loves eating cake. Because some day she might love the man I might become and that's a whole lot easier than loving me as I am.
I am not done fighting for my marriage, but I am done fighting for it from a position of total weakness.
Got no problem with you making her put on the Big Girl Panties. Just letting you know that you kind of come across as "tit for tat, take that."
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Because even though she rarely eats sweets, she suddenly loves eating cake. Because some day she might love the man I might become and that's a whole lot easier than loving me as I am.
I am not done fighting for my marriage, but I am done fighting for it from a position of total weakness.
Got no problem with you making her put on the Big Girl Panties. Just letting you know that you kind of come across as "tit for tat, take that."
BTM you make it one week. One week. I will drive down and buy you a few beers. And yea read up on passive aggressive behaviours. A great 180 would be to stop doing them.
Guys I think this is the first time that BTM is actually taking a stand, it may sound like tit for tat but he hasn't done any "TAT" up until this point and maybe that's why it seems like that from our perspective.
We've been giving him advice for so long, he's starting to show signs of actually understanding why now, remember this is a learning process for everyone.
And as for the tit for tat discussion, some may be against it but just remember, there is no TAT without TIT - it may help to do this every now & then to show the WAS that there are consequences for certain actions, if they don't ever encounter a barrier when they do something disrespectfully what would cause them to stop?
Guys I think this is the first time that BTM is actually taking a stand, it may sound like tit for tat but he hasn't done any "TAT" up until this point and maybe that's why it seems like that from our perspective.
We've been giving him advice for so long, he's starting to show signs of actually understanding why now, remember this is a learning process for everyone.
And as for the tit for tat discussion, some may be against it but just remember, there is no TAT without TIT - it may help to do this every now & then to show the WAS that there are consequences for certain actions, if they don't ever encounter a barrier when they do something disrespectfully what would cause them to stop?
Rob,
I would counter with just the opposite. I think the LESS a betrayed spouse has exhibited any strength in the past, the less they really need to do to get their spouse's attention. It is precisely BECAUSE he hasn't been strong, that he doesn't need to be piling on with behaviors that may come across as just plain petty or meanspirited.
But it's a quibble. Overall, I'm liking his strong stance.
Sure Rob - you finally give me a postive comment......and then hit me with the last line. It's well deserved though....
This morning as we were getting ready for work, WAW seemed to purposely remain naked more than required. I purposely looked the other way.
Years ago my WAW got me a cell phone and the billing is in her name. This morning I suggested we have it switched into my name, and that I would start paying it. Paying all the cell phone bills was always her duty. I also said that I no longer wanted her to get my cell phone bill, since her knowing who I would be calling makes me feel controlled. The truth is, I really don't care now, but I might some day. And..nothing like creating a little mystery. She of course responded with "you must be calling someone you don't want me to know about". I said "no if it was someone I was already calling, you would have already seen the bill".
That started a brief conversation in which WAW again mentioned being mad and I stayed very calm and said "I can't control how you feel". Just before leaving for work she brought up how she thought we were going to show the kids we can still get along. By that she means my new boundaries of her only being in the house when I am not there, etc. She's sticking with the "best for the kids" thing.
I felt it was important to clarify things, so I called her at work and made sure I kept it very brief. I said "I agree that the kids should see us getting along, but to me getting along means respecting each others needs. While I don't think you leaving is right or good for the kids I am respecting it. Seeing us playing house or you cleaning the house, isn't going to make a difference. In fact, it may be bad for them to not see reality".
Now...RobX....really think before you trash me on the following: I did say that maybe we could have Sunday dinner together as a family, because that really would be good for the kids. Just actual eating of dinner, nothing more. I think that shows I am a little flexible and still care about the kids. And...once a week (and likely not every week) it will give WAW the opportunity to see that I am not dying without her and can see her without going back into puppy dog mode.
And...since S16 and I are still working out together my body is starting to look great. I am dressing better, wearing new cologne, etc. WAW seeing that once a week - and more importantly seeing that with my new positive attitute won't hurt either.
BTM you make it one week. One week. I will drive down and buy you a few beers. And yea read up on passive aggressive behaviours. A great 180 would be to stop doing them.
Regarding the paasive,agressive stuff and tit for tat - I may be guilty here and there now, but it's a whole lot better than where I was. There are moments I want to be all about tit for tat, but I hold back. I might get a little win by doing stuff like that, but I am here for a big win, not tiny meaningless ones. I am finally making clear concise comments and am determined to back them up. I am not being mean in any way.
In fact...as I mentioned earlier I work at a car dealership. WAW has a problem with her car and her warranty is gone in a week. I switched cars with her and brought her car in today. Some people say no favours, but I think something like this that really takes no effort (and could save me $$$ in the long run) is fine and it shows that at this moment while WAW is thinking that I am only concerned about me, that I can still be a gentleman.
Because even though she rarely eats sweets, she suddenly loves eating cake. Because some day she might love the man I might become and that's a whole lot easier than loving me as I am.
I am not done fighting for my marriage, but I am done fighting for it from a position of total weakness.
Got no problem with you making her put on the Big Girl Panties. Just letting you know that you kind of come across as "tit for tat, take that."
Greek - I get that, but please note: the things I say here, I would never say anywhere else. This is my safe place to deal with my thoughts and emotions. The more honest I am with you folks, the more you can help me.
