This is all so typical. He knows you're entitled to half of his retirement plus alimony, but if he can guilt you and make you feel badly for him, hey why waste the shot? This is where being your own best advocate comes in. You have a lot of years left to live and you will need that money. Money that is rightfully 50% yours!
I would imagine the difference in having your signature the first time around was because you were on the registration and you were cashing in stock. A retirement plan is a whole different thing. Even though you are the bene only his name is on the registration. Some company's are very lax with the spouses signature, but that is the law! Also as I said before he could have forged it. My ex freaked when I called him on it. Heck, I guess he forgot that I would know this stuff considering what I do for a living. I think he may have wondered just a bit if I was going to turn him in.
My best advice is to take everything that is rightfully yours. If you think that there may be another retirement account that you may not know about, have your lawyer suppeona his former company. No company wants to get tangled up in domestic issues, so they are very prompt in getting out the information requested.
Thanks again dncrm for posting your advice. I'll look into the suppeona/subpeona (I probably wouldn't have noticed the sp!)
One thought kept running through my mind today: "H is angry and he's under the false impression that I still care".
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Love this! H is angry and he's under the false impression that I still care".
Thats the way! Don't let your H play the victim - hes' not! Mine did the same.
You are entitled to the money and thats all there is to it. I would just , in the most calmest voice I could muster ( and thats not easy w/ me!!) H, you will have to talk to my L- end of story. Do not let him get to you SF, he may think he can bully you or guilt you or just whine you out of it, but stay strong, this is part your money too, nothing you are asking for that is not yours
Beside that, how are you doing? Any fun plans for the holidays? I do wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Thanks KarenMarie and Kimmie Lee for your encouragement!
Received the check from H today. Of course I analyzed everything about it.
First thing - he used my MAIDEN name on the envelope - nice touch H. Second he used a pen that was almost out of ink and I can barely read his signature.
Now get this - he used a Seabiscuit postage stamp. I loved that book and H knows it. He gave me the DVD for Xmas one year and he also gave me a riding hat and boots when I started lessons about 6 years ago. This stamp was not a coincidence.
He also made a Dec. - March notation at the bottom - implying as he said in his email that this would be my alimony through March. Alimony? We're not D yet dear H - it's your half of the mortgage and other joint bills.
My L is having a conference call with H's L tomorrow. We should then have more details about what's going on with this retirement fund funny business.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
I'm trying to stay on the high road though it's mighty hard. I decided to send a response to his pissy email:
"I received the check yesterday. Thank you. This is not alimony yet. This is Temporary Support and Maintenance and I will do what is within my rights to protect myself financially. I'm sorry you feel otherwise".
I wanted to go on record thanking him for sending the money and at the same time try to set him straight about continuing to call it alimony.
My L emailed saying he and H's L decided we should "probably meet for a settlement conference". Gee, you think? You mean the settlement conference you two were supposed to plan in September and then I never heard from you again? He said H's L has not talked with H yet about his retirement fund. So this big phone conference they had today must have lasted all but 5 minutes.
On a GAL note - I saw Cirque Du Soleil tonight - freaking awesome.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
though it's mighty hard. I decided to send a response to his pissy email: