The day I really stand up to my WAW we should all check for pigs with wings....
S16 and I saw new family doctor today. WAW and D18 saw him last week. Amazing dcotor who actually cares, which is very rare around here.
He put me on medication to raise seratonin levels and also gave me perscription for sleeping pills. I suspect I will need them after the move out. I will of course, keep this to myself. WAW does not need to know how much pain I am in - or that my (hopefully) more positive attitude is due in part to medication.
Another thing I will keep to myself, but S16 may mention to WAW: The receptionist figured a family would all have the same address and some documents for me showed my WAW new address. Rememeber - she didn't want me to know where it is - supposedly because she is afraid I will stalk and spy on her (and yes Robx - maybe because it's going to be her love nest). If WAW does find out and brings it up, does anyone have an idea for a response? One that shows I don't care that I know - cuz why should it matter if I am moving forward in my life.
The receptionist figured a family would all have the same address and some documents for me showed my WAW new address. Rememeber - she didn't want me to know where it is - supposedly because she is afraid I will stalk and spy on her (and yes Robx - maybe because it's going to be her love nest). If WAW does find out and brings it up, does anyone have an idea for a response?
Response? Response to WHAT? I'm not seeing a question here. Response to "How did you find out?"
The receptionist figured a family would all have the same address and some documents for me showed my WAW new address. Rememeber - she didn't want me to know where it is - supposedly because she is afraid I will stalk and spy on her (and yes Robx - maybe because it's going to be her love nest). If WAW does find out and brings it up, does anyone have an idea for a response?
Response? Response to WHAT? I'm not seeing a question here. Response to "How did you find out?"
A: "The nurse told me."
What am I missing???
Puppy
Sorry, Puppy. I meant response as to what I am going to do with that information. I suppose the truth - nothing. I don't care to know where her non family home is. Let's forget I asked.
I started reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. If they ever want to make a poster, I will pose for it. I have literally never read anything that describes me so well. It may be too late to help me save my marriage, but it sure is going to help save me! It's incredible!!!!
A while ago, I mentioned that WAW grandmother is ill. She has now been given days to live. I suppose best way to support WAW during this time is the way I would with a good friend.
Not suppose. Do whats right. You need to start gaining some confidence in your abilities as a human being. Validate. Unconditional love. Listen. Nothing more. Do not use this in anyway to get at your wife or to forward you passive aggressive behaviour.
All your thoughts are of a passive aggressive negative nature.
If I was you I would talk about this at your support groups and here. This is one area that I think you should really work on.
Not suppose. Do whats right. You need to start gaining some confidence in your abilities as a human being. Validate. Unconditional love. Listen. Nothing more. Do not use this in anyway to get at your wife or to forward you passive aggressive behaviour.
All your thoughts are of a passive aggressive negative nature.
If I was you I would talk about this at your support groups and here. This is one area that I think you should really work on.
I hear the term "passive/agreesive" tossed about a lot. I don't know what it really means. Yet another thing to research....
Went out for a beer after work with an old friend. GAL is tough for me, but when I manage to make myself do something I enjoy it.
Must mention again just how much "No More Mr, Nice Guy" is the perfect book for me. I wish I had read it years ago. It's helping me to find me. I know that sounds corny, but I lost myself over the last 20 years. I became a husband, father, and employee and that's it.
Lately, I am not nearly as scared of the final outcome as I was. I am finally starting to feel "normal". I know things will be tough again after the move out and then again after the XMAS vacation, but I am getting better prepared every day.
As for busting my divorce, since there is no mention of that and no legal stuff, we are not about to get divorced. So, to some extent I have not failed.
My WAW has signed a one year lease, and in that time we will find out what will happen to our marriage. I would say the chance of reconciliation is low, but not impossible.
It's Sunday morning and WAW was just packing up some stuff for her move out on December 1st. I stayed in our bedroom doing other things while she cleaned out drawers etc. When I moved some of my stuff to a just emptied drawer, she said "you could wait until I move". I removed a few things that I never liked in the room to make it my own space. WAW didn't like that.
This morning I also clarified what I expect as far as house access after her move out. I was actually a lot more lenient that I could/should have been, but when I told WAW that I don't want her in the house anytime I am around, don't want her to come over and clean the house and make dinner on Sundays, she really got upset. Then I told her I was definitely not taking her to my company XMAS party and that I did not want to stay in the same room as her on vacation. She got even more angry. She even said "I want to hit you now".
When I said that I'm going to need a few months or so with no contact between she and I, in order to move forward and get over her, WAW looked like she was going to kill me.
For the first time, I clearly stated boundaries and WAW really didn't like it very much. It may make the upcoming week a little rough and vacation may not be what she dreamed of, but I think a dose of reality was good for her. It also made me fully comprehend the reality that she will be gone in one week.
She said something like "you are pushing us to divorce". Later I said, "if I thought you had any intention of some day reconciling, I may be a little different, but I don't want to g through all the hurt again", so I need to do this like removing a band aid and get it over and move on.
Now, I have to stay firm and not backpedal and actually live what I said. It will be tough when deep inside all I really want is to have her here with me. I am at the most critical stage for my sanity and well being and need to be stronger than I have at any point see I returned here 3 months ago.
Congratulations on setting up your boundaries. It's about time!
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For the first time, I clearly stated boundaries and WAW really didn't like it very much. It may make the upcoming week a little rough and vacation may not be what she dreamed of, but I think a dose of reality was good for her.
Her anger is a GOOD sign. It means what you said to her is registering. She is starting to see someone who is finally standing up for his rights.
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She said something like "you are pushing us to divorce".
WAW TEST: "Let's see how serious he is about this." Don't believe a word of it. She's trying to whip you back into her program.
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Now, I have to stay firm and not backpedal and actually live what I said.
Write this down on a 3x5 card and repeat it to yourself every five minutes of the day. Memorize it and LIVE it. If you don't you may as well chain yourself to the railing of a sinking ship.
Expect a constant barrage of tests on your boundaries. My comments on FutureUnkown's thread will give you an idea. Read my next reply after that too. Check them out. Spend some time reading the last few pages of his situation to see how similar your behavior has been to his.
So, how does it feel to finally BE THE MAN?
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
