BUNS, ABS, AND HEART OF STEEL #3

[peacetoday]

Cage is right
we are the safe place
my D14 recently talked about another friend parents getting D
she said her mother was like you
the stable one
they know
peace

[TRUSTING]

Today on my way to work I turned on the radio.
A song played about this man who had left his family and the last verse of the song was, "I will be coming home to you".

It is difficult when you decide to move on from your relationship when you hear something like this. Lately, I have been getting a lot of these signs. Something keeps telling me to hang in there. My faith tells me that I have to keep listening to these signs. My heart tells me enough is enough.

I would like to hear from others regarding "these type messages". What has been happening? What have been some of your signs? Do you ignore these signs or hang your heart on hope?

More and more my family is telling me to move on and detach. Just this morning my father told me he is so worried about what my ex has done to me emotionally. He no longer has any feelings toward him. All these conflicting signs are happening to me.

I feel I have done a good job of getting a life, loving my children and friends. Yes, I would be lying to you if I told you I did not think of my ex. I do. It is not as intense or emotional, but I do miss the old ex and our family life.

But..... deep down, I still feel him in my soul, my covenant partner, the father of my children. I won't stop loving him, at times I hate him for what he has done and the damage he has caused, but I know he is not right.

I have dated some, but no one seems to "curl my toes" so to speak. It still feels wrong to date and so I have stopped. I am not unhappy, most of the time I am content. Memories don't torture anymore, they actually make me smile. The kids and I always talk about old times and the things ex did when he was not in his crisis. They are good wonderful memories.

So let me know what you guys have been experienceing.....

[ACJ]

T,
I remember very vividly when XH had been gone for about a year getting a feeling and almost words in my head that everything was going to be ok and he would be home. At the time it gave me comfort. However as time went on and things went from bad to worse simply b/c XH wanted it that way for me 'signs' like these became like thorns in my side.

The turning point in my sitch was when OW got pregnant. I knew then that whilst I still had it in my heart to forgive an affair (however hard) I didn't have it in me to forgive a child with another woman. More importantly I didn't want to deprive yet another child of it's father as may well have happened if I'd hung on and things had turned out beter. I couldn't bear to see another young life go through what my ownchildren have been through (and to some extent still are). So I made a choice to drop the rope completely and move on.

In the last week or so I've had som many people ask me what I've had 'done' b/c I look so different. People have commented how happy I look. Just tonight I've been out with ex colleagues for someone else's leaving party and they all said how happy I looked. I suddenly realised that I am happy. In fact I think this is probably the first time in my life I have been truley happy iwith ME.

You will know when (and if) it is time to let go. When you do you will feel a sense of serenity you never thought possible.

[graceallday]

Trusting...I could of wrote what you wrote....except my Dad is passed but I imagine even my Dad woudl come to the point your Dad has...I know If I had a daughter.....I would...but i read what u wrote and I could write it all...while i have not dated at all......I sometimes have that battle in my mind.....is it ok for me to date....then I think ughhhhhhhh which tells me I am not ready anyway....but my sister told me I will never be ready....

I really feel like sometimes your beliefs are like a rope around your neck......but no its called scantification.....i know i have a very close time line on all as u and feel i am in the same place....

[cagzmom]

dear t-
yes I too experience the same hopeful words in songs, through sermons and even the Word. AND i believe that if our x's choose to face stuff then yes my friend we could be restored and it would be better - adn different.

i have learned (and as you know am learning) that moving forward, dropping the rope and doing for us is the BEST thing for both of you.. for ur x (so he can't use us for a crutch anymore) and for you -- so you can not hurt and can grow. I DO NOT believe that we should SIT and not live - even dating.... it is all good and all ok. (at least to me) I have VERY strong moral convictions when it comes to dating.... so that part of my heart is gaurded --

anyway - it is like i have read on here before.. Even if the door is closed - remember we can still choose to open it. all those sayings and things.. they are good life choices.

keep living ....I hope God does restore - shoot it would be awesome.. but remember they have to allow GOD to move in their lives.. we are willing... they are still stuck in thier muck.

truly care my friend.

cagzmom

[peacetoday]

T
I think there were a few turning points for me
the D
meeting someone else--the strong feelings of being attracted to BF
XH M OW

somehow with all these turns of events, I do not see reconciliation as even the slimest of possibilities
I meditated a lot during seperation
I had strong feelings that XH would return
so I wonder what all that was
was I really in touch with intuition
I dont know
Now I meditate and feel everything is perfect as it is
nothing to change
I get a strong gut feeling to let XH go
we have little contact
I too am about as happy as I can evewr remember
I would only want to see xh in a more sane place
a place where he visits his kids and is a loving father
I know I have to accept him as he is today
and As he is is also a turning point and more of a reason to validate my choice to let him go
you will find your way when the time is right
Peace

[TRUSTING]

I just long for a decent conversation with ex. He is not at all able to communicate with me, I am beginning to think he never will be able to. Just maybe an explanation or some type of acknowledgement that he had a slight sense of loss. How about a conversation where he does not lie.

[iluvme55]

Amen to that......

[cagzmom]

Trusting you are asking Why-- and you know they can't answer because yes - they would lie and more important I truly dont think they know why.

you are suffering another level of loss my friend. I am sorry...I KNOW the pain. Though my x did not buy a home with someone or the OW I do understand the feeling of them building soemthing else without you....and it just plain hurts. there is no answer -and THAT for those of us who are problem SOLVERS is very very hard to take.

I dont have any magic words - but I can tell you, that those who have walked this before us say that as we heal the pain changes.

Cant say we will ever know what happened T. As with you, I hope I get to understand as well.. WE loved with all ourselves - and as with you I looked forward to the next phase of life with my x. NEVER did I think I would be here, yet I am....

Look back and SEE how far your heart has come. I still remember reading your post on your 12 days before court..... and then last year you walked me through again - and now here we are again friend.. Another holiday walk.

WE CAN DO THIS!!
your friend,
cagzmom

[TRUSTING]

Yes, I love what you said, another holiday walk-- so true. I am already anticipating the hurt and the heart ache. This is my 3rd Christmas without ex. I know I will make it, every year will get better. Every year for them will get worse.

I just am thankful that I had all those wonderful years with ex when he was such a good good man. I was blessed regardless of the last 3 years.

Take care cagz, we are all here with you, we will do this holiday season together....