K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

Today my W is taking the kids to the C. The C wants to talk to her about how she is interacting with the girls. So I will get my girls after the C appointment.

Kevin

[PMA_Baby!]

That's great Kevin. Just remember to be the bigger person in all this. Try very hard not to question the girls and to try to not bad mouth THEIR MOTHER in any way. It will hurt them in the long run and they will eventually figure out where they stand with her anyway.

Just stay positive and be your girls rock.

PMA

[Startingover2]

Ditto what PMA said!

[K4D]

I'm not going to question them and I am not going to bad mouth their mother.

I will just be my normal self when I get them afterwards.

Kevin

[The Wifey]

CG,

I can tell you are incredibly frustrated. I do hope things are well with you, especially since you are newly, legally separated. My support and good wishes go out to you.

Kev,

Hey there. Dinner between wife and BIL was an event, and nothing more. She didn't just play nice. She held her cards close and came across as a reasonable person, because she made her decision and feels she chose correctly.

What you need to do is continue to work on you. Don't think any more about what she is doing or why. Go to AA, play with the girls, GAL, and all those things you need to do to help yourself heal.

Don't make any emotional decisions right now. From talking to you over these months, I have a hunch that the minute you announced you were done, filing, walking away that you would regret it right away.

Focus on you. Don't agonize over what she is doing or why. Muse in your head and maybe not as much here. It will make you crazy to have everyone smacking you every day. I know why they do it, but I see it differently.

Everyone's sitch is different. Similarities between sitch's do not make them identical. We are all affected differently by what we are going through. And you need to start s-l-o-w-ing down and not getting into a "circular reference."

Slow down, take it slow, don't analyze and mind-read. Keep your apartment up, work on you, love the girls. Those are the only things you have to do right now.

Nothing is going to happen over night with your sitch. No one thing is going to mark the turning point. Work on your growth.

Find those lists of what your w thinks you need to work on for a starting point and figure YOU out. Figure out your values, what you want, what your priorities are. Grow.

Talk to you soon.

[K4D]

Last night was interesting.

I picked up my kids and took them to W who was going to meet me at her work to take the kids to C with her. During this exchange W tells me she is busy and her contract ends in 5 weeks. Also asks if I can watch the kids 3 days next week because she will be so busy at work. My dad will be in town next week and will probably love to spend time with the girls. So ok. Then I ask her if she is still coming over for thanksgiving dinner as the girls had really pushed for it and she had agreed she would. She now tells me she isn't sure. Ok, no biggie.

After C I meet her again to get the girls since this is my week with them. W discusses some of the appointment regarding D11 and her together. Ok.

Then, Then, Then, W asks me to pray for her best friends M. As far as my W knew last night, her best friend of 25 years and H had split. He was down in Houston and her best friend is here in Dallas with the baby. Keep in mind this is the best friend and H that covered up the A my W was having, bashed me to my W, sabotaged me at certain points to my W, and pushed my W to D me. Now my W who has her own OM has the gall to ask me to pray for her best friends M??? On top of that is the irony of pray for their M, but don't dare pray for ours.

I said ok and turned around and left. Talk about testing my forgiveness. If that whole situation isn't a test, I don't know what is.

I have forgiven all of them and I did pray that God would help their M last night and this morning.

W tells me later on this morning that their M is not in jeaopardy but that the H has to take care of serious C for himself in Houston.

Ok. Glad to know their M is ok.

Kevin

[K4D]

Can anyone explain the irony of this to me and what the heck my W is thinking?



Kevin

[CityGirl]

How would we know what your W is thinking?

If you felt so strongly about these people why didn't you cut your W off before she even got to the praying part and say: W, this isn't child related talk and I really don't want to hear about it. Because remember, SHE said ONLY child related talk.

If you did that you wouldn't have had to hear any of it and then you wouldn't be wondering what she was thinking.

Boundaries. They exist for a reason.

[K4D]

Well, she said it kind of fast and quick CG. We were both walking away from each other and then she calls me back and starts in with I need you to pray for BFF and H. They are split up and etc, etc, etc. I said ok and walked away. There was no real conversation about it.

I was hoping someone might see something that I am not seeing out of this as far as any reason or logic goes.

And the funny thing is, she knows we haven't talked in a long time for the obvious reasons. But I guess my W also knows that I am a forgiving person and care about M's.

Kevin

[CityGirl]

You need to be quick and fast too. No excuses. You have posted IM after IM exchange here where your W point blank asks you if the topic is kid related and if you say no she cuts you off VERY quick and fast w/no real conversation either.

The SECOND she started saying something that was not kid related is where you say: W, this is not child related talk, gotta run! Then turn around and leave.

Think. Action. Boundaries.