I would also ignore the card. The WAS will think and say what they are going to think and say and there isn't a thing you can do about it.
I am unsure of your past problems with your W but if you are getting help now that is what you need to focus on. For you and your children and NOT her for the time being.
You should probably just blow it off, but knowing me, I probably wouldn't. I'd probably send her something snarky like "Thanks for recognizing my birthday. The "GET HELP!" card was a really nice touch."
But that's just me.
Puppy
I am just going to ignore it - or at least not dignify it with a response. I'm fairly sure she will say something. My response will be "thanks for recognizing the day - the card would have meant more without a comment about me having to get better" - and then walk away.
I find that if I plan my comments in advance (I have the XMAS psrty one memorized) I do much better.
If you feel you *must* say something about her comments I would turn it back on her. W: Thanks for recognizing my birthday and I appreciate the encouragement and support you offered as I continue to work on myself.
Since it seems she does not want to encourage or support you as you travel the road to self betterment she might refrain from making further comments that you ONLY have a POSITIVE reaction to.
"thanks for recognizing the day - the card would have meant more without a comment about me having to get better" - and then walk away.
She controls you with these comments, that's why you feel compelled to respond. She knows you are guilt ridden, you think something is wrong with you (otherwise why do you bring it up in every post?) and therefore you think something is wrong with you. How about you just say thanks and ignore her comment. Or validate it (doesn't mean you agree) and it sounds a whole lot less snarky.
"thanks for the card. I read your note, I understand why you would feel that way."
Then turn and walk away. You acknowledged the card, you let her know you "see" her and no loss of self. Do you want to be right or do the right thing?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I agree with Puppy. Take a time-out and SPOIL yourself rotten!
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Do something NICE for yourself today. Full-body massage. A nice lunch.
And DON'T stop there! Call up some buddies and go out to celebrate. Switch off your phone so you won't be "interrupted."
And as a final "MY DAY" gift to yourself, check into a nice hotel and spend the night. NO CALLING HER. No explanations necessary. Just have a good time. It's YOUR day.
Oh... be mysterious, but... behave.
One more thing, lay off the booze. It just gets you down.
I know I have issues that caused me to do things that resulted in the separation. But...I still don't think I am sick, and I still don't think WAW should bring it up in a birthday card. I wouldn't give her a card that said "learn to be better with money - for you"
What I want to do is the right thing - but not be disrespected. Maybe, saying anything is just giving her the power of knowing that she upset me and was able to toy with my emotions. I like to think PDT really knows his stuff, but maybe ignoring it completely shows more strentgh? Still, I think for me, I need to say something, but not in a weak way.
I know the things I have done are not "normal", but I don't believe I am truly sick, but still I am working on this aspect of my life with my counselor and on my own.
But what does your counselor think- Do you need something more than what you're doing now or are you on the right path? I love it when the spouse thinks they know what's good for you or what you need better than the trained professional does. Been there, have the t-shirt.
Nice ideas Gnosis - but none of that really possible since I am working 9am-8pm. And then, I would like to see my kids tonight, so will simply go home after work. Tomorrow I am going to go out and buy some new clothes - something to wear to my company XMAS party that I have chosen not to take WAW to.
Bunny - My counselor thinks I am certainly on the right path and more importantly, I know I am. I am still dealing with the guilt (obviously!!!), but I am dealing with that aspect of my growth very well otherwise.
[quote][/quote]Maybe, saying anything is just giving her the power of knowing that she upset me and was able to toy with my emotions. I like to think PDT really knows his stuff, but maybe ignoring it completely shows more strentgh?
I think so. Why confirm to her that she can upset you?
