Thanks, all. I re-read this, and I know it sounds like I am in the bowels of depression, again - surprisingly, I'm not. I think it was more observation, problem-solving... rather than feeling stuck and frustrated, I am refocusing on what to do about it.
I am getting back to basics, going back to some of the work I've done in the past (CBT stuff). I refuse to get derailed again...
There's a great CBT-based book, Authentic Happiness, with a lot of practical guides to disputing negative thought patterns.
In addition, he talks about activities that actually create "flow" in our lives, and build from our strengths. CBT, he points out, is great at getting us from -5 to level ground. But, what about getting people from 0 to +5? His point is that a new science, positive psychology, needs to bridge the gap from curing depression to actually flourishing and becoming happy. Great book.
Oh yes...and try desire lists. See if that works for you.
"Reinventing your Life" is another great CBT book, with fun exercises. It talks about lifetraps, various ways in which people get stuck.
But, don't forget the ADD stuff. Did you ever try meds for it? ADD tends to get worse with age... http://www.estronaut.com/a/women_attention_deficit.htm And, if you haven't read it: You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! A Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder
I'll look into those titles...I can't believe how accurate that link was!! I know we've talked about ADD being a possibility, and I think my IC has just been trying to address it in a round-about way, but this cut through everything that I have been experiencing! I'm weaning off the effexor (on the lowest dose and hope to be finished in Jan). I don't love the idea of meds for ADD, though...while I have seen how effective they can be for some of the out-of-control boys in my teaching, I have also seen lots of kids who just seem overmedicated. It scares me....it's like they don't have any light in them. I'll talk about it, though.
The idea of having a secretary is nice, though! If I was a rock star, I could just have a personal assistant! Maybe a cleaning service would be a good start...
I've been on ADD meds, adderall certainly does NOT make one's eye's glaze over. Moreover, you don't have to wait for it to accumulate in your system. It works right away (if you have the right dose.) And, you don't have to wean off. You can use it when you want and it's effective. If you really have ADD, it will make a huge difference quickly and will not make you jumpy. You'll all of the sudden have patience, lol. Maybe it is the stuff they use for the H in ADHD that zombies them, dunno.
And recommended by my pdoc; a smartphone! Yes, an iPhone, or the like can be a lifesaver. All the appointments, names, numbers, lists, alarms, reminders, etc. keep life on track. However it can be misused too and become a bigger distraction. Know when to turn it off or ignore it.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
The kids and I stayed home sick again. I am starting to feel better, but I am going to use this opportunity to catch up and prioritize a bit.
Meanwhile, x texted son on and off all day, checking on the kids, fevers, etc. He told him that he was going to cook the three of us dinner and drop it off (!)
WTF?! NOW?!
S tried to tell his dad that we already took chicken out and we were set. He sent back, "Let me do this."
Nothing when I had my appendix out. Nothing. But because the kids are sick, too?
I don't know. I don't want it, that I do know.
Hey, at least I found my kick-in-the-butt...I had been picking away at the house all day before that text. Now, the floors are vacuumed and washed, boxes are put into storage so they aren't out, new slipcovers on LR chairs, sink empty, laundry gathered...
So, why allow it? "Sorry, that doesn't work for me." Or, are you OK with it after all?
As to why? Maybe he is simply trying to be a decent parent and help out when the kids are sick and you are sick. It is a sign that he feels enough space from you and little enough pressure/blame that he is now able to do something nice.
So, shooting down his generosity will take a step backward from that place, probably. Because it would be about blame and anger. This is OK, just thought I'd point it out.
Remember, this stuff is YOUR CHOICE. You don't have to accept dinner from anyone in your own house if you don't want to.
If I was a rock star, I could just have a personal assistant! Maybe a cleaning service would be a good start...