I can only comment on how you come across in your posts.
Of course. And I bring my needy, questioning, scared, worried self here - in order to not show that to my WAW.
Something I forgot to mention - this morning I was talking with D18 about her plans for school etc in the next year or so. Since our separation and homes etc will affect that, all that was part of the conversation. She said WAW is going to give her a key to WAW's apartment, so she can be there when she wants. I never thought there was OM involved, but that makes it even less likely. At one point I said, you know I am staying in the house for at least the next year, so you can come and go between the 2 places as you please - she is an adult (almost) after all. Then I said, and after that year, we will see. She responded with "you and mom might be back together by then - mom says it's up to you".
Puppy - I know you call them crumbs, but the more things like this I hear, the more hope it gives me. I will do my best not to live the next year, only in the hope of reconciliation, but it's far better than no hope at all.
Something I forgot to mention - this morning I was talking with D18 about her plans for school etc in the next year or so. Since our separation and homes etc will affect that, all that was part of the conversation. She said WAW is going to give her a key to WAW's apartment, so she can be there when she wants. I never thought there was OM involved, but that makes it even less likely.
Or, your wife figures she'll have everyone "normalized" to her new arrangement by then.
Something I forgot to mention - this morning I was talking with D18 about her plans for school etc in the next year or so. Since our separation and homes etc will affect that, all that was part of the conversation. She said WAW is going to give her a key to WAW's apartment, so she can be there when she wants. I never thought there was OM involved, but that makes it even less likely.
Or, your wife figures she'll have everyone "normalized" to her new arrangement by then.
???????????????????????????
I'm really missing the point on that one. Do you mean: WAW believes D will think it's "normal" for WAW to be with another man? or ????
"Normalization" refers to the process a wayward spouse will go thru in order to get their circle of family and friends to accept their affair partner. It is VERY important to them that everyone do so, and it's typically part of their fantasy that "everyone will be okay," and "will all get along."
Rarely does a wayward spouse envision any push-back, or at least they vastly underestimate it.
It's also VERY much typical "script" for a cheating spouse to deny the existence of an affair partner, until some time later, AFTER the marriage is either divorced or formally separated. Then, "all of a sudden," the wayward spouse will announce to their family that "I've just met someone."
I would be stunned if there is not OM in the picture here. But the immediate point I was making was, the offer to let your daughter have a key to her place at some point down the road (this would be next year, correct?) wouldn't be an indicator to you EITHER WAY. Because someone fogged out from an affair wouldn't be thinking that far down the road, or -- if they were -- they'd be thinking optimistically, as in "Oh, my daughter will have come to accept my boyfriend by then."
No Puppy - I believe WAW intends to give daughter a key soon after moving into her apartment. So...that's why I said it makes me more certain that there isn't OM involved now.
Today is my 41st birthday. I have to share what my WAW wrote in the birthday card she left for me. Please note: WAW believes I need help to deal with some issues, most important of which would be my sexual ones - remember it was a final violation of her that made her finally decide to leave. I know the things I have done are not "normal", but I don't believe I am truly sick, but still I am working on this aspect of my life with my counselor and on my own.
Anyway...The front of the card has a picture of a lion on it and just says "I love you" - inside it says "...and I'm not lion". That's no big deal, but here is what WAW wrote inside:
"I know times are rough. I don't have the answers you are looking for. I'm sorry. Only time will tell. Be better...not for me...for you. All my love. WAW"
That makes me angry. Who basically tells someone there is something wrong with them in a birthday card? And what's the point of the "only time will tell" crap? And while the "not for me...but for you" is right out of dbing, for someone not aware isn't that like saying "your are defective - get better - but I won't be around to see it"?
Am I wrong here? Is the card mean in some ways? Feels like even in the card, she is trying to justify her walking away - because I need to be better.
I won't say anything about the card to WAW. Or should I - if she asks? I am purposely working all day and won't even see her until tonight. At least when she makes me angry this way, I feel like I will miss her less!
On a positive note: I did get a nice card from my kids!!
You should probably just blow it off, but knowing me, I probably wouldn't. I'd probably send her something snarky like "Thanks for recognizing my birthday. The "GET HELP!" card was a really nice touch."
