Wow, you hit the nail on the head bnd. That is exactly how i felt. Should Kerry be looking for a giver in his next relationship? I have found mine and quite honestly it is very starnge at first....
It must be strange. In talking to a guy friend I was saying tht i could not imagine being married again, wouldn't want anyone to have that much control over my life. He nicely told me that in a normal/functional relationship there wouldn't be control....how weird would that be?!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Then, they ran. Often to someone else who would give.
In my case, STBX's OM is simply 'there' and asks for really nothing in return. Nothing. He's a puppet.
In my case the new mrs. x was one who told him he was wonderful, poor baby, to suffer so with an undeserving, unloving wife, etc.... then she trotted him down to her attorney and the rest was history!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Suzy, do you have a bit of schadenfreude about your X getting divorced again?
I wonder if a relationship built on lies and rushed in to can last, but I also think that he won't leave cuz that may be evidence that he was wrong.....and he cannot admit that ever!!! So he will probably stay with her and complain about her behind her back, like he did with me....unless someone he thinks is better comes along, then it will be game on again.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Hey, dont you guys have those long wooden hands to scratch your back with, in the States? Hmmm
I have one of those. And a 3 legged plastic massager and a vibrating 3 legged massager. It is just not the same doing it to yourself as having a woman do it to you. And having the "ever growing" kids walk on my half century old back is no longer safe.
I was very much the giver--so much that I nearly lost myself--married to a narcissistic taker. But you see, he left me for an old gf who was very much a taker--I know a lot about her because early in our relationship, he went on and on about how horrible the relationship with her had been, how she used him, how she manipulated him....
so what's up with that?!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I too was a giver and still find myself being too accomodating and giving and not looking out for myself. I am learning for sure and I'm beginning to understand how to lead and do what I want w/out hurting others.
My experiences have taught me to stick up for me and be healthy in my relationships. It is a long, tough road, but as long as I'm learning, it is worth the effort.
So, we're all different now and that is for the better. Some of it is bitterness of a sort, but most of it is learning and changing to become better individuals for the future.
RTL PS - Good news on the teacher returning your e-mail. Dating a teacher is a good way to play out some of those naughty fantasies we all had as boys over the hottest teacher in school.
