Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Ok so...the phone session was more validating than anything.

Good news: I am already doing the right things by making changes for the better, being caring is okay, AND so is LETTING HIM TAKE OUR BABY TO OW!!??!That was one of my biggest worries. My coach said that I am doing whatever to encourage a father son relationship, so as long as the OW is not abusive or addicted to drugs, it isn't harmful to my baby (just my ego).

He said to not make any major moves for 6 weeks...no filing of paperwork or pressuring him to make a decision. (So my decision to file for D in January is a good timeline!)

He said a dark plan B is not good in my situation currently.

He said to face my fear: I am afraid my WH will present me with D paperwork. So what if he does? It takes a long time to complete the divorce process and besides, I am way more likely to be okay than he is if the D goes through. But I am supposed to
just stay cool and remind him it is his choice, not mine, then continue going about my changes in behavior. Kind of like "that's a shame. Oh well, I tried." I envision reacting like if you invite a friend to do something but they already made other plans.

He also said to "be the woman that you know he is supposed to be with" so be confident, caring, attractive, attentive but at the same time create a little mystery by doing new things, dressing up, and not tell him where I'm going.

So I didn't learn anything new except get confirmation that I'm doing the right things so far in regard to my behavior changes, it's okay for me to let him see his baby as much as he wants, even if it means taking him to see OW, BUT I could surprise him by changing his visiting schedule a little to make room for my plans. (only put up with this for the next 6 weeks)

Bad news: I learned all this from the books, websites, forums (this and others). I liked my coach just fine, but it wasn't his fault that I was already putting the book's recommendations into practice and don't necessarily need his help right now.
(We'll see what I think in a few weeks though--damn rollercoaster!)

Now as for tonight...am making another new meal tonight (chicken satay w/ curry rice) and the next 3 nights. I ran choices by WH yesterday and he said they all sounded good! Flank steak with bacon and balsamic glaze; baked potato on the side & Baked ranch chicken coated in Panko bread crumbs with brown sugar carrots on side.

My next GAL project--belly dancing classes. Currently some do not start up until December. There are "exotic dancing lessons" but I don't know if I am still too chubby for that right now, especially if a pole is involved LOL!

[P17]

My next GAL project--belly dancing classes. Currently some do not start up until December. There are "exotic dancing lessons" but I don't know if I am still too chubby for that right now, especially if a pole is involved LOL!

I'll say something - my advice is to go to the exotic dancing lessons as if anything will make him look up, that will!

[newmama]

ha ha! thanks for the advice, P17! Well, maybe I should take them but do I let him know or is that ruining the mystery? And if I don't tell him, then how will he know?

p.s. someone actually reads my ramblings? :-)

[P17]

I definitely wouldn't let him know directly - ie., don't tell him.

Leave the leaflet, sticker, flyer, whatever lying around and if he mentions it great. If not then let it lie. He will mention it though, I promise.

Bear in mind he will ask at some point where you are going. You just need to say a class / dance class. Let him wonder and find the rest.

The point is to be mysterious without avoiding him. If you avoid him it will look like a deliberate ploy.

I have been reading your 'ramblings' from the start. Your H is a fool. But then we all know that. It doesn't matter what we think though, only what he thinks. I would give my right arm to be in his position (if you see what I mean!)

[newmama]

just checked it out again...$12 per class, no pole and "all body types encouraged"...interesting...hmmmm....maybe....

[P17]

No, hmmmmm ... maybe. Just do it.

I recently started a dance class (okay not the exotic type :)) and it was the BEST thing I have ever done. I love it. Wished I had done it YEARS ago! W, even though she has gone, is the only person who actually supports me doing it (go figure)!

And here is the dirty little secret (to quote Dr Cox from Scrubs). Most men actually prefer ... curvy women! And curvy women who dance? Hmm ... sign me up to that class.

Newmama ... just do it. I promise you, YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. The boost it gives your self-confidence is worth $1200 never mind $12. Even if you just try ONE class ...

[newmama]

I did it! I signed up for the class! Thanks for the encouragement, P17. I had to switch Thursday night with Friday with WH (aka my babysitter) in order to do it so I had the chance to tell him that there was a dance class I wanted to take.

He didn't ask what kind of dance, but the teacher says to come wearing a low cut shirt and dance pants! So he will see me leaving dressed like that most likely!

I also get a kick out of taking away part of his Friday night with OW!

But he brought the damn WORK BAG today. We'll see. I am still going to be relaxed..face the fear...be confident...

And the Getting Through to Your Man book arrived yesterday. I started reading it and am so curious to try some stuff out. Someone gave it a raving review by calling it "her man bible" and she said she carries it around with her but hides it from her man! One thing that Michele mentioned so far is that if you want your man to do something, you PRAISE HIM for it instead of nagging. Ex: I really loved it when you brought me flowers the other month. You are so good at making me feel special! You can bring me flowers any time!
Also, if you change the way you act, they will respond. So instead of turning down sex, complaining, being a grumpy bitch, just start acting playful, nice, initiating sex and then your man will start to act his best, too!

This makes sense. I won't be doing any initiation of sex at this time, though!!!!

[P17]

I did it! I signed up for the class! Thanks for the encouragement, P17. I had to switch Thursday night with Friday with WH (aka my babysitter) in order to do it so I had the chance to tell him that there was a dance class I wanted to take.

WELL DONE! You will not regret it. Believe me.

He didn't ask what kind of dance, but the teacher says to come wearing a low cut shirt and dance pants! So he will see me leaving dressed like that most likely!

LOL. He may never ask. But he will wonder. Rest assured.

I also get a kick out of taking away part of his Friday night with OW!

I know that's not the point of GALing but I know what you mean It's nice to feel the power in your hands even for a little while.

[bestraongforyou]

newmama, did you expose the affair to everyone?

[newmama]

Bestraongforyoi, our family and friends know. The OW's mom knows. It has been going on for about a year or more, but he has had full access to OW since March when I kicked him out. I am also wondering if their affair will end before I file for D since it isn't fresh and new anymore.