I have been doing a horrible job of being myseterious. Instead, I actually discussed the subject with her yesterday! Yes I actually discussed the merits of going alone vs going with her. Some days I really suck at this!
Oy, vey. Sounds like you're confusing "being gray" with "being indecisive."
Puppy - I have been letting my fear rule my decisions 100%. I have been trying so hard to keep things "nice" leading up to the vacation, that I have made many errors. I posted previously that she asked me if I was going to look after her when she's sick after the move out. At first I did things right from a DB perspective, but then relented a bit.
The whole black and white thing affects how well I DB. It may be that I simply take it too far when I try to keep cb principles in mind. It's so tough, when I know that she may view things as me being black and white and that pushes her away. Even yesterday, she actually said that I am "all over the place and can't stick with my decisions". I know....she is telling me that she wants me to be a confident man.
BTM. If you love her that much and she really truely is happy without you. Let her go find this out.
As for the xmas party. Why not just skip it this year. Unless you need it due to sales stuff.
I think the space apart will do both of you a world of good. Your both hurting. First 2 weeks are going to be bad. But after that it gets better and better.
Who knows you may actually begin to heal and truely GAL and improve yourself. Allow your wife the chance to do this as well. Loving detach and be positive about yourself and your life.
Cutter - I need to go to that party without my WAW. It will do me good. I have to be forced to GAL.
I am hoping that the time apart really will help us both. She has not drank in 4 days, but needs to get that under control. I honestly think she truly does need some time away from me if there is any hope of forgiveness for the times I disrespected her sexually - the worst of which I have told about here, but there were others.
She feels pressured by me when we are together. I did such a crap job of dbing over the last 2 months, that I literally pushed her out the door.
I may always have the fear that we will never put our life together again, but I have to stop allowing that to control my actions.
Puppy - I have been letting my fear rule my decisions 100%. I have been trying so hard to keep things "nice" leading up to the vacation, that I have made many errors. I posted previously that she asked me if I was going to look after her when she's sick after the move out. At first I did things right from a DB perspective, but then relented a bit.
The whole black and white thing affects how well I DB. It may be that I simply take it too far when I try to keep cb principles in mind. It's so tough, when I know that she may view things as me being black and white and that pushes her away. Even yesterday, she actually said that I am "all over the place and can't stick with my decisions". I know....she is telling me that she wants me to be a confident man.
If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend you right two books, right away:
I would hardly be described as a "nice guy" by most people or even my myself. But...I have been too nice a guy during these last few critical months and the result is crap, so I may as well read the book. It can't do any harm.
Just read the book. There's a difference between a "nice guy" and a "Nice Guy."
Ohhhhhh.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Sounds like you're confusing "being gray" with "being indecisive."