I wasn't exactly opposed to him talking to her. She respects him and likes him apparently. He is the only one that I know of that is pro-marriage that she will talk to.
I didn't figure it could hurt at this point if she was willing to talk to him. The fact that she did talk for 45 minutes never getting upset about it was interesting.
BTW, I would not use D as a threat. The D is to be done and walk away.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
sway verb 1. (usually intr) to swing or cause to swing to and fro 2. (usually intr) to lean or incline or cause to lean or incline to one side or in different directions in turn 3. (usually intr) to vacillate or cause to vacillate between two or more opinions 4. to be influenced or swerve or influence or cause to swerve to or from a purpose or opinion
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You are missing the point. You are STILL trying to control your W by hoping that a talk with a "pro marriage" person will turn her around.
Your BIL has no right to impose his views on your W or you and veil it with it the nonsense of it being his job as your best man.
Why do you find it interesting that they spoke for 45 min. and she didn't get upset? Your W is as crafty as they come and if you think she was going to show her true cards to your BIL then I think you are living in a fantasy world.
I have a very hard time understanding you. You always figure "something can't hurt" but you never stop and think about what could help. And the dinner with your BIL was not a helper.
You are still trying to mind read. So what if she didn't get upset for 45 min? Did you think she would and create a scene at a restaurant?
It should really bug you that your BIL feels anything to do with your marriage is "his job" because he was your best man. Why doesn't it? And, your W respects your BIL because of the reasons you stated before... he is successful at his job and that is the kind of job she wants. So, if she has to chat about you for 45 min. and keep it civil so she can continue to network about business with him, she will. She is rather transparent, no?
You know, Kevin, your <sigh> responses are pretty darn rude.
You get more attention than anybody on these boards and people have bent over backwards to try and help you, support you and perhaps make observations that are accurate about your situation as we are not invested in it the same way you are.
All you do is alienate people when you respond like that. It's childish and immature and not very nice to the people that take time to compose responses to you. I really don't get you at all.
I can't figure out why your BIL wanted to have dinner with her? Not to mention why she accepted. What did she think they were going to talk about? Is she looking for a loan? or professional advice? What was her agenda?
Kevin, just so you know, I told my W's brother in an email about our situation. I told him to not tell their mother, but he did anyway. Needless to say, my W had quite the interesting vocabulary as a pre school teacher the next day when she spoke to me.
I did this stupid move right about the same time I first learned of Divorce Busting and the first responses on my initial thread were 2x4's which I deserved. My intention at the time was that I was hoping her brother could speak some sense into her. Instead it was more like I dropped a match into a can of gasoline.
I think your W just told your BIL what he wanted to hear to get him to drop it. Think of your BIL as a themometer with a faulty reading. And there is no way a themometer can fix a problem.
The sigh was in response to the definitions of "sway". Thats all.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Yes, my W is very crafty. I don't know what her agenda was. Maybe it was just to network. Who knows.
I don't know if my BIL dropped a match into a can of gasoline or not. I guess I will find out if he did.
I'm sure she knew that some of the conversation was going to be about us. She obviously wasn't opposed to it. He finally ended up changing the coversation after 45 minutes, not her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
