Thanks forward. The problem is that I don't believe that it isn't realistic. But the part about needing to move on is true. And I just think that the timing is right. I'm ready.
Because of kids' school events, saw H several times the other day. Went to dinner as a family. Things were friendly between us, with even some joking around. Not at all awkward or uncomfortable and H was very open, so to me, that's some progress.
The problem is that H is lonely. I feel like he's spending time with us out of loneliness only, and that once he's found someone else, I/we will be dropped once again. I'm not interested in being anyone's back-up plan.
Think I'll send an email this week and get the ball rolling.
sh do you think when you send the email this week, it would be a good idea to bring up an alternative plan like'D is not what I want I would prefer to work on our M but limbo wont work for me anymore does your H know you would take him back? Im not sure ..Im just throwing the option out peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
or you can ask the L to put in in the papers so H L can explain it to him my L wrote wife does not want D she would like H to attend MC in attempt to save the M Its there in black and white so there will never be a question with what really happened thats what I did although in my case it didnt work as XH was still wrapped up with ow peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace - I'm sure he knows I'd take him back. He's stated more than once that he does/doesn't do things in order to not give me hope. (And I'm thinking: Who does he think he is?!) I actually think that him knowing I'd take him back is part of what's stopping him from ever coming back. (I'm not one to play games, so filing for D is not an attempt to get him back, but I do think my chances are better and that it's something that needs to be initiated, at the very least, in order for H to wake up a little.)
I think letting him know somehow that this isn't what I want is a good idea. Simple and honest is how I think I'll go. Should I bother asking why he seems to be stalling? Don't think I will... I can't remember who said it and on who's thread (sorry!), but I like the idea of asking what I can do to help speed things along.
I am ready, but at the same time, reconciling is still my first choice.
Some drama going on involving H's ex-ow. It doesn't directly involve me, but it does involve one of my friends (although she's not getting involved further). Not sure what ex-ow's motive is. Further proves a point that she's psycho though - and apparently very desperate to maintain a R with H.
Anyway, because of this incident, I'm going to hold off a few more days on pushing forward with the D. The strange thing is that the more cr@p that gets thrown my way, the more determined I become to not give up.
sh it would make sense to dig deep if you feel it will help after all a lot is at stake its difficult..trying to decide how to deal with the mlcer we have to take sharp turns sometimes and wait it out I know you will do whats best peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Finally sent email to H asking him to make time for us to discuss D terms. Asked him what his intentions were, if there was anything I could do to move the process along, and asked that he give this some priority over work. Had written it and sat on it for 2 weeks before sending, so I hope I don't regret my words.
He replied almost immediately that he doesn't foresee any disagreements on the terms, something about filing (which I didn't understand), and that he needs to have the funds together first to pay the legal fees (BS - money is rarely a problem for him).
Then, shortly after, he calls me for no apparent reason and we had a friendly chat for awhile without ever bringing up subject of D or our email exchange. He had the kids that night and I had said I would pick them up in the morning. He usually would just bring them down to the car. But this time, he told me to go up to his apt. FIRST TIME he's ever invited me to see his place.
So when I went to get them, I went up. It was strange from the moment he opened the door. I didn't recognize him. I walked in to the foyer area, but that was it. S was eating something I brought for him, and H never invited me in further. And honestly, I was so uncomfortable there, I didn't have any interest in going in further. From what I saw, the place had all new furniture but it wasn't homey at all. More like a temporary home - or a furnished apartment you'd rent that's made to look like a home. Not only that, it was far from the bachelor pad I expected and lacked personality. Just by looking at it, you would know nothing about the owner - except that maybe he had no kids.
H and I stood pretty much silently while S finished eating. It was awkward and for some reason made me feel that I had done the right thing by sending the email. I felt bad for H - he really seemed sad (in the pathetic sense of the word) and lost and lonely, especially surrounded by his lifeless apartment.
For the 2nd weekend in a row, he sent the kids home with video games/gadgets he let them pick out while shopping. He had invited me to have lunch with them the day before, but he asked me while he was on the way to pick them up and I wasn't ready, or in the mood, so declined.
Overall, interactions have been weird and inconsistent with us. My feeling is that he is having second thoughts but isn't certain and is too consumed by guilt to do anything about it. Occasionally, he'll be really friendly and seem like his old self, then right after, he tends to run back in to the tunnel. I don't know.
I replied to his last email - agreed that there should not be any disputes, explained that legal fees do not have to be costly if we can agree to terms first, asked him to clarify what he said about filing, asked if that was still his intention or if he'd like me to do it, said I'd like to let his mom know about the D (he didn't want her to know), and again let him know when I'd be able to meet.
Sorry this is long and all over the place - just like my thoughts are right now.
