Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[Dudess]

I'm glad to hear there has been a shift Pearl. At least there is movement in the right direction.

Do you feel like you finally got a heartful apology and request for forgiveness?

The 'anniversary season' probably will be difficult. Maybe some of the veterans can guide you about the best way to handle it.

[pearlharbr]

Hi Dudess

Yes, I do think the request for forgiveness was genuine and heartfelt. And this conversation felt different which gives me hope.

How are you doing? I've been thinking about you. Have you moved into the apt? Going out and having fun?

[Silver Fox]

Hey Pearl,

Just wanted to thank you for your posts. You're one of the few who offers support. Not sure why others on the MLC forum ignore me. It was kind of a bust from the beginning. Maybe I should move back to Newcomers!

"The Shift" sounds promising. Glad he's starting to realize why forgiveness will help you both to move forward.

Regards,
SF

[pearlharbr]

You and me both Silver. I don't get anyone from Piecing over here but then again I don't post on their threads either. It feels like intruding because people have been here so long. I'm still the shy kid and don't want to ask to join the group.

Yep, that conversation really changed the way I'm looking at things. It finally felt like he was trying 100%. And that's what I've been looking for all this time. So I told him last night that it truly meant a lot to me. Now instead of looking at this as if we get past this I'm thinking when we get past this. I think he teared up but couldn't really tell since we were in bed with the lights out.

I'm still bothered by the fact that he never begged or pleaded or really went all out to win me back. But I let it happen that way so I'll have to just accept it and move on.

I'm off to check out your sitch.

[Kalni]

Guys,
start posting to people if you need some movement/input in your post. I find myself hesitant to post to others I havent followed their sitch from the beginning.
Pearl, if you fell a shift, then there is definitele a shift. Dont waste the "moment" . Build on it. Think positively.
K

[pearlharbr]

Kalni,

Thanks for that. Yeah, I know I should post on others' threads but I feel the same way, I don't want to pop in at this point without having followed from the beginning. But it's fine, I'm just swimming along.

[pearlharbr]

Journal:

It's been one year since I started posting here. Part of me wants to go back and read through it, but the rest of me knows just how painful that would be.

So much has happened and yet so much more needs to happen.

I realized that I don't need this relationship to survive. I thought it would kill me (or at least my spirit) to have to start over but then I found myself sad that I wouldn't be starting over on my own. I have started new hobbies and made some good friends through them. I have lost the friend who got me through the worst of this sitch because she didn't approve of me giving BF another chance.

I am one of the lucky ones, not stuck in limbo for a long time. I can't imagine living in the worst stage for as long as some people here have been and continue to do. And I still have days when I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

We seem to just be moving along at status quo without any growth or movement forward until I threaten to leave. Then BF does one good thing and I am placated for a while. That's not the way I want to live the rest of my life. Which I have told him. And he says he understands but goes back to the same old behaviors. Until the next time.

And I don't push it because I think I should be more patient. Or am I just being lazy because it's more comfortable to be together than apart?

More things to ponder as a new year approaches.

[avermont]

Hi pearlhbr-

I don't have any wisdom to offer, but wanted to give you my love as you contemplate the past year and think about how to move forward.

thanks for your advice on my posts. I wish you good contemplation and wisdom.

[Silver Fox]

I don't know - just a thought about this:

And he says he understands but goes back to the same old behaviors. Until the next time.

He's perhaps figured out what it takes to keep you around? Like he's on auto pilot or something.

I've read that piecing is the hardest one - harder than the breakup, the limbo, or even a D. That's a good question about patience vs. pushing. These people in PIECING should be helping you out and I don't understand why they're not!

[Dudess]

It's been one year since I started posting here. Part of me wants to go back and read through it, but the rest of me knows just how painful that would be.

I've read quite a bit of your first threads. There is a lot of pain there, but that's not all there is. Beginning in late January, yours is a very inspiring story. You're my shero!

I realized that I don't need this relationship to survive. I thought it would kill me (or at least my spirit) to have to start over but then I found myself sad that I wouldn't be starting over on my own.

Sounds like a good place to be.

I have lost the friend who got me through the worst of this sitch because she didn't approve of me giving BF another chance.

That sucks. I've never understood why a 'friend' would do that.

I am one of the lucky ones, not stuck in limbo for a long time.

It wasn't luck Pearl. You decided you would not live in limbo.

We seem to just be moving along at status quo without any growth or movement forward until I threaten to leave. Then BF does one good thing and I am placated for a while. That's not the way I want to live the rest of my life. Which I have told him. And he says he understands but goes back to the same old behaviors. Until the next time.

He gives you just enough to keep you leaving. Ugh.

What is it you want that he isn't giving you?