Hi kids.. yes, its amazing, he said again this weekend, he KNEW it was wrong with Helen very early on, but he just couldnt admit it to himself or anyone. Its exactly what Jody's theory was. She said, in alot of cases, the WAS has too much pride or shame, or whatever to admit that they had made a mistake. My bf said its becuase he hates to look foolish. Seems a shame he put me and us through all that, just to 'save face'.
So we went home for the weekend to stay with his brother and wife. His brother likes to display their photos on random on their big TV..so I was sat there holding the baby and he throws up on me and I cant move..just as a picture of the four of them (my bf, Helen, his brother and wife) flashes up from the skiing holiday last Christmas - the two couples side by side on their ski's, beaming. I shook all over and felt sick but couldnt get up! Everyone noticed I was upset when they came back into the room, so I had to tell bf, who told them and they were MORTIFIED, as was he. They said to me, we are SO sorry, we thought we had deleted all those pictures and have now deleted that one (which was very nice of them, this isnt their fault!)
It was so horrible, only the second photo I have seen of them as a couple together and they sure looked happy. Bf said, its just a snapshot.. you smile for photos. I said, well I dont. There are photos of me from that time and I can assure you, I am not smiling in them, because I was very unhappy...
Of course, he was VERY reassuring, but he doesnt want to talk about her anymore, he pretty much refuses now, said he finds it frustrating and he loves me, its all over and done now, blah blah...
But we got haircuts on Saturday by an award winning hairdresser friend. We asked her to make his look thicker and it looks amazing and he looked very handsome and we DID have a lovely weekend...
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I am sorry that happened. That would be a bit of a blow but I am also glad that they all stepped in and apologized and tried to make it better. She/they did happen. Neither of you can change it, just keep moving forward and focus on you.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
That must have been a bit of a shock, I'm sure. It is difficult enough to move forward when we are torturing ourselves w/images we put in our minds, but that becomes much worse when we see the real thing.
I'm sorry you had to see that, but all you can do is process the discomfort and move forward. Easier said than done.
As for BF's test, the one that "involved a long poky stick up a very small hole" I've had that one and it isn't comfortable. In fact, I'm pretty sure you would have had a difficult time of splitting my butt cheeks w/dental floss when that cotton swab was being administered. Painful memories I'm glad are in the past.
Double UGH! I know how that feels. I am haling it with tough methods, I keep going back and I look at the picture of them in bed where they look so damn happy... UGH M
Thanks guys, yes, it was a shock!!! Imagine. It was a big deal we were staying with them, first time since the before the bomb.. in the same spare bed that he and Helen had stayed in a few times (he took her home for a few weekends, to meet all his friends, his Mum and then again when they did the skiing holiday)..I asked him directly if they had had sex in that bed and he said an emphatic no.
This is what I struggle with, that their relationship was so.. public. He said she met his friends because HE wanted to see them and he didnt want her to come home a few times, but she insisted, or invited herself and he weakly relented. I dont really believe that. Like he said she finished with her bf for him.. but that was apparently in March/April 2008 but he says they didnt get together until early August!?
I am feel wound up about her, wierdly, perhaps jealous? But I cant load it on his depressed shoulders. We barely spoke about the photograph, but he was very supportive. He keeps telling me he loves me.
Last night he told me he felt "sad and unhappy". I was mortified as we were snuggled up having a lovely evening when he said that. How can that be ?? He said, its not to do with me, thats separate, he knows he loves me and is happy to be with me, but doesnt feel happy in himself or his life. That its hard to explain, but thank god for me, in fact "I'd be lost without you". I said I would be lost without him too! That it really wasnt possible to him anymore than I already do. He said that was beautiful. I realised I will always worry his depression will make him leave me again, but when I said that he got very upset and really doesnt like me feeling in any way worried or insecure and that I shouldnt.
So she IS gone, vanished, thank god. But his depression isnt going away (but isnt as bad as 2007-8)
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
He was taking them, but stopped before we came out to see you! He doesnt want to go back on them yet as he said they didnt work (but he seemed loads better May-July, when we were back together??) he wants to continue with the brazil nuts and supplements and he is very committed to that and hasnt missed a tablet yet.
Yes !! Haha. I asked him again about it and he said he generally doesnt feel 'sexy' so I reminded him that if he ever wakes in the night and does.. just wake me up, its fine. So he did !
TMI ! I think it works because its the least pressure on him, no over thinking it.
I think it works because its the least pressure on him, no over thinking it.