If your W asked you to move back in today, would you do it?
Emotionally I would want to. For my kids benefit I would want to. Would it be the smartest thing in the world to do right now? Probably not.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Your answer should be a spark to understand that your not where you need to be.
Quote:
Emotionally I would want to.
Then your not detached. Your co-dependant. Why would you want to put your emotions at risk for someone who doesn't want, nor respect you currently?
Quote:
For my kids benefit I would want to.
It would be BAD for your kids for you to do so currently. Do you see that? Doing things 'for' your kids like that is not good at this time. You should be a strong, whole, independent K4d and THAT will show your kids more than anything you can 'do' for them.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
W told me she was taking a training class to co manage for a destination imagination which is a team that D7 will be on. So she wanted me to watch the kids saturday morning. I told her I have plans.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
That is why I said it would not be smart. I realize that and pointed it out.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
How many times has your W disturbed you today at work via text?
Wait a bit and text her back and say "W, I am working and very busy, please refrain from texting me during business hours unless it's an emergency. If something child related needs to be discussed we can do so after work. Thanks"
A couple times this morning. And of course, it only has to do with what she needs or feels or wants. The next time she calls, or texts, or IM's I am just going to tell her I am busy at work.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Your answer should be a spark to understand that your not where you need to be.
Quote:
Quote: Emotionally I would want to.
Then your not detached. Your co-dependant. Why would you want to put your emotions at risk for someone who doesn't want, nor respect you currently?
iwantittowork,
I do love her despite everything that has happened and is happening. What is best for my kids for us to ultimately get to a healthy M and family. Right now that is not realistic for today. But you also have to start somewhere at some point right? And if she is ready for me to come back, I would be highly untrusting of her. But reconciliations have to start somewhere and build up.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If your W asked you to move back in today, would you do it?
Emotionally I would want to. For my kids benefit I would want to. Would it be the smartest thing in the world to do right now? Probably not.
Kevin
I think you need to develop an attitude where you would be open to her proving over time why she wants you back. She would need be the one to convince you that your marriage is worth saving and that she has redeemed herself.
But the question was hypothetical. Right now she is happy on her own and it is you that needs to learn to be happy without your W in your life.
I think you need to develop an attitude where you would be open to her proving over time why she wants you back. She would need be the one to convince you that your marriage is worth saving and that she has redeemed herself.
But the question was hypothetical. Right now she is happy on her own and it is you that needs to learn to be happy without your W in your life.
It is hypothetical and your statement is true about needing to find happiness without her. But as far as saving the marriage being worth it. I believe it is. But yes, she would need to prove to me that she has redeemed herself.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, what do you owe your WAW? That is the root of your BOUNDARIES ISSUE. You NEED to tell yourself that you have suffered enough. You are done apologizing. You have tried to make things work and she has not.
Once you FORGIVE YOURSELF then you can start setting BOUNDARIES for YOURSELF and YOUR GIRLS.
What happened to ignoring your W when she IM or TXT? Dont ENABLE her ERRACTIC BEHAVIOR by immediantly responding. Think YOU are the CAPTAIN of the ship why are you letting her steer?
