It's controlling plain and simple. She invited herself and is intruding on YOUR time with him. I would SERIOUSLY uninvite her or ask your BIL to change the plans where she isn't going to be able to make it.
Just the plain fact that he's your BIL and not hers makes it all suspect. She wants something plain and simple.
How did she even know he was coming?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
That's even worse how she found out. You're being manipulated and treated like a tool. If you do not stop her the evening is going to turn out to be nightmare with your BIL stuck in the middle.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The only thing I can figure is that my BIL is very successful in the banking world. W is doing alot of what my BIL did starting out. My W values people on their financial successes and positions. My W also loves to brag about hers. So I am wondering if this is more of a "look at me, I am on the road to doing what you do" kind of thing. I don't know, but I just can't really figure any other reason for this.
She knows he staunchly stands against what she is doing. My BIL is a traditional catholic with 7 kids. Very profamily. My W obviously knows where I stand with our M.
So what does she want? I guess that is the million dollar question. Is it just to brag about herself and associate with someone she knows is successful? I don't know. She has no control over him. She has no control over anything we discuss. She knows that he knows about her first A.
Maybe in her warped mind she thinks there is a friendship there. Hard to figure. Now he does treat her like part of the family still as they communicate occasionally about what is going on. But he also tries to insert some influence into her reconsidering her position when they do.
I don't know and he doesn't know either. Maybe it would be better to find a way out of that dinner.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If this is your BIL from your side of the family then there should be no reason for your wife to go. I would change the plans. She can't insert herself whereever she wants to. Make other plans with BIL and leave her wondering.
I am a newbie on this thread but your wife sounds like a cake eater...I have lots of experience with this. She wants to play married when she wants and then single when she wants. Can't do that!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Why did you allow her to invite herself in the first place? When she did you should have told her no. Just like she told you no about attending HER b-day party or being included in any of her family events/dinners/parties. Sorry, it doesn't work both ways. She says the *only* interaction she wants is about the kids then that is what she will get. She can't change the rules when it suits her and if you let her know it will NEVER END.
No matter how good his intentions are your BIL should NOT be talking to your W about anything that is remotely involved or related to the marriage you and your W used to have or the current situation you are in.
If your W wants to network with other finance professionals tell her to go find a business group in Dallas and network her ass off.
I would e-mail her and say this:
W, I would prefer that you not attend the dinner when my BIL is in town. Things seem to have gotten a bit muddled as an invitation was never formally extended to you. As per your wishes to not discuss anything outside of the children such a dinner certainly would cross a boundary I am not ready to change at this time. I will let BIL know you said hello and best wishes! BTW, I still haven't received the updated custody proposal for the holiday season. I would like it by x (insert date here) as the holidays are rapidly approaching and I know both our schedules are filling up! Take Care! Kevin.
