Why, then, 25....should STBXW settle out of court? She wins big from the get go this way. If I were her, I WOULDN"T SETTLE EITHER.
FIB
Wins big? My X didn't, got admonished and it cost her bucks. Her and her husband still complain about the amount of money I cost them. Funny, I think of it as they cost themselves.
It can be different than you might think.
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
well Cire.....I have no choice in this, so, I will let you know. Honestly, it is a humbling feeling to walk around everyday and be made to feel like it is 'all my fault'. It needs to get done. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
You sound strong Frank. Good attitude. The best part is that you will do no worse in court than if you accepted her "offer". Of course the lawyers will be dining on steak and shrimp paid by you and her.
Keep an open mind. Remember, even here in bumbf*uk Alabama I got a judge who was as fair as he could be to men here. As others have said, you will be surprised.
As to the doctor thing, don't use that to accept less. Medicine is a big field and some doctors are not on call at all. Remember the job you almost took in the big city? Get the custody or the best schedule you can - then work it.
Chin up Frank. Your kids need you and deserve nothing less.
Thanks Jeff. I intend to do just what you posted. It's funny, though. Everyday, at some point, I am running 'scripts' through my mind.....things I would say in a court. I am trying to not let it consume me.
There IS a possibility that the judge will try and 'force' a settlement, but, knowing STBXW, she enjoys using the legal system against me: -filed a false police report -filed 2 orders of protection -strung out a hearing with 2 adjournments only to get what SHOULD have been agreed to earlier -pushing trial
She has restarted taking the kids to family counseling. The kids have been good with me on my time. Not sure if this is because SHE is having difficulty with them or she is trying to pin something on me.
D6 is doing well again on medication. I keep in touch with school officials by email. She is going to have a 'para'...someone to watch her in school from a distance because of her recent seizures.
I ordered a netbook so I can get the typing done. She is openly hostile to me of late. Tells me NOTHING about kids doc appts, results, etc. I text her to ask results or call/email everyone.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised … (James 1:12, NIV).
Posted to me by DonH, 08/06. Man..that guy was bright:
Originally Posted By: DonH
Unfortunately, it doesn't sound at times like your W has changed. It sounds like this may be who she really is. It is who she was before you met her. It may have even been who she was when you met her. Then slowly, she began to become this other person. The person you thought may be the real her. It is poss. that you are seeing the real her come out.
Bright guy..... FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised … (James 1:12, NIV).
Posted to me by DonH, 08/06. Man..that guy was bright:
Originally Posted By: DonH
Unfortunately, it doesn't sound at times like your W has changed. It sounds like this may be who she really is. It is who she was before you met her. It may have even been who she was when you met her. Then slowly, she began to become this other person. The person you thought may be the real her. It is poss. that you are seeing the real her come out.
Bright guy..... FIB
Wow!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
That is how I percieve my XW. She was a bad party girl before I met her - defiant towards her parents. Then she changed to be a good housewife for 8 years only to again revert back to party girl with an attitude.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised … (James 1:12, NIV).
That was not in 2009 - that was way, way back (maybe 2006?).
We are both still under trial Frank. But our trials build Better Men.
My new efforts: -I schedule 3 more coaching calls with DB Chuck -I am going to research Frank-D's thread as per nicola -I am going to try a more 'hard-core' detachment
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Correct Jeff, 2006. KerryK, as I read thru this, I am convinced that, similar to what is written in A New Earth by Tolle, we put on masks that cannot be kept in place forever.
Originally Posted By: David Cunningham
There are chemicals in the body that intensify attraction that start to wane after 12-18 months, and by 18-24 months are gone. That's the point at which you find out whether there is REAL attraction or if it was just a chemically-enhanced fantasy. After those chemicals wear off, it is the behavior I describe in my book that keeps attraction up, and it can keep it up indefinitely.
''''that's why I caution everyone to go through an intense evaluation before trying to save a marriage; it is entirely possible to "save" a very BAD marriage, and the only possible outcome of doing so is to be unhappy......
And now that you have been through this ordeal, that is exactly what will happen to you. You've been hit hard by this reality check, and you will hold out for such a woman (referring to a relationship based on more than just 'attraction').
Luckily for both of us, they are very easy to find if you refuse to settle for anything less so that you're available when they come along. In the meantime, dating is an adventure of exploration, nto a process of trying to bend yourself to each candidate and entice them to bend themselves to you. That's what causes people to wake up at the two-year mark and realize they really screwed up. Those initial attraction chemicals can make you see all kinds of things that aren't there and make you excuse or ignore a lot of problems that are there. And that's why I recommend to men to do the same evaluation lists exercise as they go into dating that I recommend when they are trying to determine whether to save a marriage. The lists are the same, and when they're put on paper while you are rational, you have them as a reference when you might be under the influence of attraction chemicals.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
