K4D Rising #4

[Deep]

Umm, so you just got to know this woman at the bar?

How long did you figure it took this life-changing, impactful "emotional connection" to be established Kevin? WAS at least take some time to get to know people generally before plunging into EAs or more.

Gotta be frank - seems to be you went LOOKING for something, probably in view of what had been a stressful sitch, and nobody's saying it was easy on you. I honestly don't think you're as "sorry" as you profess, part of you enjoyed reporting this.

GoBison is right. You had some ego boosting contact at a bar. So let it go. That's gotat be all there is to it.

[Steve McQueen]

Kevin. Go on that social interaction. Talk, laugh, eat supper, get to know someone other then the memory of who your wife used to be, keep it in your pants.

Keep Db'ing. Advanced DB'ing. Become the master of the quick kid exchange. Quickly out the door with nothing more to say, than hello, goodbye, oh and d8 has h1n1. A couple more times of seing you all dressed up to go out. Finding out that you are talking with someone on the phone. Oh and that Kevin smile that she has seen in a long long time. And she is going to be wondering what is up with you. Give her the impression you are moving on down the road. In time when you are more confident in yourself and cocky, get flirty, and watch her trip over her own feet.

Think of it this way. If she really wanted out, kids or no kids, she would already be gone, D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D. But she is not; she hasn't; she let the damn thing lapse. Now you have the opportunity to give her a challenge. Try to Win Kevin back. She has challenged you for a year now. But you did'nt play the game right.

The quickest way to get her to turn her head your way is to give her the impression that she just got dumped. Nobody likes to get dumped, even those that have 1 or 2 on the side. Broken heart. Know the feeling? Do what WORKS.

And before anyone else chimes in that you are playing with someones elses emotions to win your wife back. Realize, just because you were in a 10 year relationship doesnt mean the person you meet is going to feel the same loving feeling your spouse felt for you for 10 years. Dating one person a couple times rarely leads to a golden anniversary, lucky if you get another date sometimes. You never know what they want, sex, free food, maybe they are using you to make someone else jealous. Happens all the time. This is life people play mind games all the time. You go out have fun expect nothing.

[K4D]

I will admit that I sat down beside her and talked to her. But I didn't expect it to go as long as it did and as well as it did. I had some worry that if I posted it, it would be viewed as bragging. But I am not bragging about it. I am struggling with it. Maybe I should not have posted it. But I guess I just don't know what to think today as she is really on my mind.

As I started ignoring her, she just drew closer to me. Like I said, I even got a bit cocky with her for a few and that just drew her more into me.

I just feel extremely guilty for putting myself in that situation. But at the same time, I just am feeling like I really liked it.

I am only posting to try and get real perspective here and I feel like I am getting it.

Kevin

[K4D]

Thanks SM,

It will be an interesting change towards my W. And you are right in everything you said. Sorry to hear your D8 has H1N1. I hope she gets better soon. That is always tough on kids.

Kevin

[K4D]

Oops, sorry SM,

I guess you meant D8 as an example. lol. Yup. I agree. It will be a completely different game now.

Kevin

[Deep]

I'm not knocking you for what happened per se. Actually, I am generally for the Gucci/Robx/Steve "method" - it's a viable and realistic part of the toolbox to GAL and make a point to the WAS at times.

What I'm saying Kevin, is listen to yourself. A deep emotional connection you say? In that couple of hours? Then you factor in the stress (some self-induced) you are under and you do the math.

You feel guilty and liked it? Which parts do you like best? It's not simply enjoying a good old evening out and getting some attention then?

[The Wifey]

Ok Kev, you asked me to respond and I have to say you won't expect my response.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I am yelling. Stop being ashamed, right now. You weren't a hypocrite, you were HUMAN. We get so d*mn into DB'ing that we forget sometimes that we ARE human beings.

I'm going to tell you something. I had a friend that I met on match.com. I asked him to have coffee with me. His w had left him and he was looking for friendship only, as was I. We went fishing, out to dinner, pizza, etc. I made it clear that he was a friend.

Now don't pass out........ I DID open mouth kiss him. It felt good. It let me know the parts that have been ummmmm, neglected, still worked. Nothing more than kissing ever happened, and we stopped hanging out in May. It was just enough interaction for us to both know that we COULD care about someone else. Neither of us felt a need to go any farther. AND it helped me solidify in my mind that I really did want to keep DB'ing and work on me.

You were "taken in" because you have been totally beaten up by all of the stuff your W said, did, your own actions, your feelings, YOU BEING HUMAN. You felt like a normal human being without the flaws that you are working on and having shoved in your face.

Be straight with this woman, tell her how you felt last night, and your reaction this morning. You have grown enough to be able to confront these difficult feelings and deal with them directly.

This is part of your growing, Kevin. You did nothing wrong. But it sure did feel good - didn't it. You can understand that you have something to offer. I don't care what anyone else thinks, you don't have anything to be guilty of right now.

[K4D]

I guess I just liked feeling like someone finds a real interest in me. It didn't hurt that she was extremely beautiful and intelligen and charming and that she wanted to go out with me again this week.

I don't know Deep. It has just been so long since I even felt like this that I guess it made me feel rejubinated again. Yes it was a couple of hours. But it was just great. And she obviously felt like something was there to want to go out with me again. Like I said, I am such a hardcore stander and this just made me feel like I totally gave up and it felt good for a while but wrong that I am just perplexed that I would even let myself feel this way in light of being against this very thing.

I don't know. I guess I am just confused emotionally today.

Kevin

[Steve McQueen]

no, thats something WITTY to throw at your wife so she doesnt think you are being mean. Dont be mean. Be elusive and mysterious. Be cool.

[K4D]

Thanks Wifey,

That does make me feel better. And I do want to keep DBing. And yes it did make me feel like I have something to offer now. I think I can use it to help myself DB better because of it. It did bring me confidence.

Kevin