I spent a wonderful afternoon with D18. We went shopping for bird related things as she is raising canaries right now.
It was great to listen to her discuss genetics and other things and go on about how certain cage types are required and food and nests, etc...
We already have them and the cage they are in was adequate but not optimal. So we went looking around for stores that would have the right one.
A few weeks ago we had an argument over something trivial and she had told me that she was upset mostly because I spend time with D14 and buy her things and don't spend time with her. It's stuck in my head and as soon as the chance came up to do some 'shopping' and spend quality time I took it.
D18 and I also talked about moving. I've been resisting it but the reality is that this house costs too much to maintain. It's big and has a pool and in California electricity rates are twice that of other states. Plus, it's been in foreclosure for a while, they just haven't done anything about it yet.
And, the memories of this place are getting to us both.
I realize today that my marriage has been dead a long time. I mean,STBXW has had OM for over a year and there is no end in sight. Yes, she sometimes cries in front of me, or changes her pick up method for D14 to one where she comes to the door instead of waiting in her car.
I'm dark, for my sake. I don't want to lay eyes on her if I can help it. The 'her' I knew is dead.
I won't shirk my responsibilities. I am responsible for our debt. I just want this to be over. I want to be as strong as Jack was. I'm going to spend some time today thinking about how I want the rest of my life to look - with only my two daughters in it.
I think you spending time with your daughters and having them open up to you is awesome.
I agree, I think dark is great for you.
We all want this to be over with, but the fact is, it takes lots of time. There is no getting around it.
A word of caution. We all are very different. Our situations, circumstances, personalities, the challenges we face and the demons we must battle, are all different.
How about being as strong as Frank can possibly be? How about striving to be the best Frank that you can possibly imagine. Have Faith in Frank.
Yes, take some time today to invision what you want out of yourself and your life, but don't just leave it at that. Take a step. Big or small it doesn't matter as long as it's forward.
Find faith in Frank moving forward to a fabulous future.
Yes, this is really hard stuff, especially without family to lean on. Mine has kept me afloat several times. I admire you going through this on your own. You sound good.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Yeah, you know unlike some people on the forum I am dealing with this alone. No family, no OP distractions, just me.
That makes it harder but not impossible. This is the beginning of a new fresh life. Making new memories.
I'm going to be all right. It will just take time. It's already taken too long and that's really because of me, not letting go.
There are others who do get it. The being alone thing, I understand completely. The fact of the matter is Frank that we have to simply be who we are and not who we think others believe we should be.
In the ways of the superior man it is not simply about being the bull and dominating the herd.it is about discovering the man that you are and being that man to the best of your ability. Not everyone is a Magnum PI, not everyone is a Macgiver, some people are Al Bundy and others are Archie Bunker. You have to figure out which role you play and play it as well as you can.
Once things get settled down for me tonight I will holler at you. Your going to be ok Frank, you are one of the good guys and people, including myself, like you for the guy that we get to know away from here. Hang in there buddy.....
In the ways of the superior man it is not simply about being the bull and dominating the herd.it is about discovering the man that you are and being that man to the best of your ability. Not everyone is a Magnum PI, not everyone is a Macgiver, some people are Al Bundy and others are Archie Bunker. You have to figure out which role you play and play it as well as you can.
Yes, that's really all we should be doing. When we do that, everything else will fall into place.
Quote:
Once things get settled down for me tonight I will holler at you. Your going to be ok Frank, you are one of the good guys and people, including myself, like you for the guy that we get to know away from here. Hang in there buddy.....
Yeah, I am one of the good guys. I keep forgetting that.
