Am I also right in that in NY, you can sue for divorce for fault? Reasons why things happened, and what you did to try to save the marriage, might be helpful....
I dont think bringing up the past in custody court will be useful. Unless what the other parent has done in the past has shown to be harmful to the children and that behavior could be deemed to continue, then it is worth bringing up. But your best bet is to focus on the future plans for the children.
Quote:
The Parent's Observable Behavior in Court A parent's behavior in court will play a significant factor in determining custody. Being argumentative or expressing hostility towards the other parent will be noticed by the judge. Likewise, being reasonable, cooperative and respectful towards the court will help. In court behavior alone will not determine custody, but it can certainly help tip the odds one way or the other, and should not be ignored.
Adultery won't matter. One thing my STBXW will argue is that I let the kids stay up late, they both got hurt on my watch (Paige broke her arm playing with her cousins in a houseful of people; Justin strained his foot the other night at 9PM, his cousins were over and has a splint on).
I agree that the best plan is to focus on what you do as a parent, future plans, etc, vs being negative and attacking in the courtroom. I don't know how we are going to pay for this. I am saddened that her atty. can't control her. Truly....this sucks...for all..including the kids.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Adultery is NOT a cause in NY...it is a misdemeanor and not an action as my L tells me. NY requires you to find fault with the other person. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
i agree with Kerry. We all have reasons to be pi$$ed about our exes' behaviours but if at all possible, I think the best interest of the children should dictate our interactions with the ex. These are rules I live by and D8 is benefitting from them...I have decided to bury the hatchett with ex. Now, I realize that your stbxw is very confrontational but keep your eye on the goal FIB...your kids....stay focused. Keep your head up!
It was nice to hear your voice. I've only talked to one other person on these forums and that was a local lady (goldeylox) who needed me to call the police in case she did not get back to me after a certain time - her H was abusive. Last I read, her marriage was starting to become reconciled.
You are in a fight that most here never have to endure. Most divorces are settled out of court over a time period when cooler heads can work out negotiations. Unfortunately, the circuitry in you STBXW's brain is not functioning normally and she is making the whole process difficult for all involved. The lawyers are the only ones that will gain.
I guess for me, I am still in denial that New York, one of the original 13 colony's, could be so messed up when it comes to family law and what is best for the children. I just hope that you get a judge who has a level head and can see through your STBXW's anger and charade.
A judge will be able to make the difference between kids getting hurt and kids getting abused... it will make her look worse to bring these things up so I would hope that she does ... just to show her crazy....plus if she thought this was true why would she not have acted on it before now... that shows her just as guilty of it as you would be if it were true. If I wrote down everytime my kids got hurt on my watch... please .. stop drinking that kool aid... kids get hurt
Your wife is a bully. Call her bluff on this abuse stuff. She'll have a hard time proving anything. Can your lawyer recommend psch testing for her & be willing to do it yourself.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
And where is your Guardian Ad Lidem in all of this Frank? The GAL's recommendation, even in New York, has a great deal of bearing on the judge's decision. You need to make the GAL work for you. She/he needs to meet one on one with the kids and get their opinion. She/he needs to be interviewing teachers and other students at the schools. She/he needs to be interviewing anyone who is interacting with your family.
Adultery does not play a role in divorce in new York, but it does in custody hearings. It is testimony to the ethical behavior and the character of the spouse who commits the act.
These are the issues that make me continually question your attorney. You need to seriously figure out how to take charge of this crap.... .
