I'm new wondering if this works...

[Butterfly1]

MC on Monday, meeting with lawyer Tuesday. Going over the marital separation agreement - looks like we can have the agreement, which defines finances and custody, WITHOUT FILING LEGAL SEPARATION! Things are looking up. And Halloween with S will be a blast.

[BigJohn]

Hey Hope,

Just checking in on your sitch. Looks like things appear to be moving in the right direction. When you go to MC on Monday, make a point to acknowledge to your C (while in the presence of your H) some of the positive things you have recently noticed with regards to your H. Aside from the backslides, it sounds like your H is making some effort to change so give credit where credit is due.

Well gotta go. Hope you have fun on Halloween.

[Butterfly1]

Thanks as always BJ. I will.

[Energizer Bunny]

When you go to MC on Monday, make a point to acknowledge to your C (while in the presence of your H) some of the positive things you have recently noticed with regards to your H.

That's a really good iddea. I second the motion! Stuff like that really seems to go a long way with people. It's also like positive reinforcement. I've heard that ignoring the negative behavors and rewarding the positive behaviors works really well for WAS's...and kids too ;p

[Butterfly1]

Geez...H just rolled in here unnanounced and sat silently as I got S ready for trick or treating - then tells me he was doing drugs at a party last night. I'm completely freaking out inside = but keeping cool on the outside. I'm furious!

[Butterfly1]

H said there;s "some reason" he hasn't been calling before coming over. I'm nervous! Advice?

[givingitmyall]

Yes. Act "as if.". Don't assume the worst.

[Butterfly1]

THanks GIMA. That will be my goal this week. You are right.

[Butterfly1]

Acting "as if" all day. Still disheartened. H is very tired, distant, and irritable. I get despondent when he's like this because my feelings of rejection are insurmountable at times. Having "that time of the month" always increases these insecurities...

Truly "acting" the "as if". On good days, I can actually convince myself, but today it's pure faking it. Mantra "as if, as if, as if" how in the heck are we supposed to act as if when our spouses hate us so much? He just seems to not care at best, hate me at worse. I'm so tired of hoping and waiting. I was ready to move on last week, then I got sucked in by his total 180 toward a nice H. Got hopes up, here I am again. When will I learn?

Guess I need to be more detached!

[BigJohn]

Geez...H just rolled in here unnanounced and sat silently as I got S ready for trick or treating - then tells me he was doing drugs at a party last night. I'm completely freaking out inside = but keeping cool on the outside. I'm furious!

Hope,

This needs to be addressed in MC. Has your H used drugs in the past or is this completely out of character for him? I can understand why you would be angry, but you are doing the right thing staying cool- someone has to keep a level head here.