Sorry, we're closed. Under new management.

[faithisbelieving]

To all:

Thanks for your support. Update:

D6

My daughter had another seizure while at school. This one didn't break for a half hour. She DID have fever to over 103 and was admitted for a day of observation. In the ER, MIL was there and STBXW was 'showing her stuff' in front of her: "the FIB family won't steamroll over us any more". "You won't do x, y and z to me anymore. On the way to the ER, I was able to disburse information to her from EMS. You see, my little sister was able to get on the ambulance with my daughter and hand the phone to EMS. When I gave the info to STBXW, she went nuts on me:"why aren't they calling ME". Then tore me a second AH about the D as I was driving to the ER. I should have hung up. She never thanked my sister who was emotionally distraught over this. At one point, when my sister offered to take S9 home with her kids, STBXW overheard on my phone and began yelling. My sister put it on speakerphone and school officials overheard. Fair? Probably not, but, they heard with disgust and surprise.

D6 was started on an anticonvulsant since she has had 3 now within 6 months. S9 had a camping trip and it was my decision that he didn't get penalized so STBXW stayed with D6 while I took S9 ( discussed this with my L prior and she agreed it was the right thing to do). D6 appears OK now. She cultured positive for strep and has a neuro follow up today.

Court

As you know, STBXW refused to agree to mutual orders of protection and pushed this through 2 adjournments/3 meetings. She HAD to have her day in court. Again, she wouldn't agree and we had a mini hearing. She spoke in front of the judge and painted me as the usual:
-a liar
-a 'spindoctor'
-how horrible it's been to be forced to live with me
-I threatened her and hovered in her face (not true)
-she lives in fear (oh gawd)
-that I file tit for tat

I spoke for the first time and discussed STBXW's temper....how she turnes beat red and has pinpt pupils, yada yada yada.

The judge told us how stupid this was:
-that the both of you hardly frighten me
-how petty this is
-that someone in this court was shot yesterday and how meaningless a piece of paper is (tell me about it. We tried to agree to mutuals for 3 months now to get it over with).

He gave us 2 minutes to think it over. My L counseled me to continue to request the O of P. So....after all this...hours in court...fees...the judge ordered bilateral O of P's, the very thing STBXW refused to agree to months ago. It could have all been avoided. She, needed to have her day in court.

Of course, her father sat in the back of the courtroom. She ALWAYS has a family member there.

So, it's all done..hearings, that is.

Parenting Time

The best I can do, with STBXW's agreement, is every other weekend and 2 nights of parenting time (3-4 hours each) without a sleepover (I was initially only offered ONE). According to my L, in her 35 years experience, NO JUDGE has given the non-custodial parent a sleepover during the school year during the week. She also tell said that it is 'too disruptive' and it would end up going to trial if I insisted on this and I would most likely lose.

Vacations would be alternated and I would get 2 non consecutive one week vacations during the summer.

Pro-rata share on most else which right now, is 70/30.

STBXW will vacate the house which my L finds unprecedented ("where is she going to go? Most women retain occupancy. This is pretty much unprecedented").

The house will have to be sold and I will stay in it...the captain of a sinking ship.

I am saddened at the thought that, in all of this, I feel like the loser. Men usually are in my state. I must deal with those feelings again...of failure...and overcome.

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

PS...for the first time, my son said to me, "yeah...mom's acting crazy again."

FIB

[smith18]

Why cant you both be a custodial parent with a 50/50 shared schedule? It is what is best for the kids if both parents are capable.

[faithisbelieving]

Don't think it works that way here Kerry.

I took one more shot from her. During the court meeting, the judge made fun of me by mentioning War and Peace. I had written multiple pages on all the stuff she did.

This morning, in the twilight as I got up early from work, there was a copy of War and Peace placed on the shelf in the family room.

SMACK.

FIB

[john210]

Hey FIB, wounds are still fresh right now. Eventually you will not be affected by your XW's "shots".
Feelings of failure is something that I felt. Feelings of wasted time or of living a lie for a decade or so....but never a feeling of being a loser. I do not know ALL the ins and outs of your sitch but maybe your XW should carry that tag.
Well, you will have to make the best of the time you have with your kids....show them the way.....be strong for them.....they are sponges at this age.
Don't make one person affect you so much FIB....nobody should have so much power. Walk with your head held high!

[faithisbelieving]

Great post John. I like your stuff and I totally agree most everything you write. There is too much enabling here...too much denial.....too much codependence I think. Many of us are afraid to scream out "THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES."

While I was DB'ing....I got many comments and cards from STBXW about what a great dad and husband I am/was. Since the filing, of course, I am a big pile of poo. LOL.

S'OK. I grieve for the time to be lost with my children.
FIB

[Kalni]

Somehow (I wonder why), your wife strikes me as a very self centered person and without having the knowledge, just a gut feeling, I think you will be getting more time with your kids than what the court "ordered". Not immediately but down the road.
My L told me that, at least here, fathers fight for more and usually see the kids less because they soon "have other things to do". That "no father that wanted to be part of his kid's life" didnt because of the court's rulings. Life has a way to put things into perspective and when the dust settles, I hope your wife's activities will push her to the direction of your kids having more time with you because she will realise and accept that it will work better for all concerned. Plus the kids may express their wishes...

I wish you a peaceful and happy life. Soon.
Love
K

[smith18]

When my XW has the kids on her weekends, she gets a babysitter for the evenings so she and Ed can go out. That is their choice.

[Reincarnated]

Don't think it works that way here Kerry.

Where is here, NY? I do think that if you can demonstrate being a pretty large part of your children's lives, that most judges are more willing to look at 50/50 custody. It is just logistics - are you both in the same school district, for instance? Will the kids have their own rooms at each house? Do both parents have similar work schedules to be able to be with the kids?
I do hope you look into it further, if it is something you may want. It would be terrible to look back with regret...

[Bworl]

I agree wholeheartedly with what Donna has written.

Again I'll say that this is a decision you will be living with for quite some time.

For what it's worth, were I a judge in family court, I would insist that divorced parents live within the same school corporation boundary, close enough that the kids would have easy access to both parents. Living that close together, I see no reason not to grant 50/50 custody, though that need not mean upheaveal for the kids every couple days. If a spouse would not agree, that would by default cause them to lose 50/50 custody.

You will mourn the loss of time with them FIB. Please be sure that your lawyer knows what she's talking about.


Blessings,

Bill