ClingingToHope, I agree with bluerain, you just need to give it more time. From your signature, I see you're about five months behind me. Five months ago my W was still very distant from me and was totally wrapped up with OM. Amazing how time changes things.
FYI - the 'remember when?" stuff is kind of like temperature taking. It's longing for past times when things were good. Stay detached, but this is possibly a good sign.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Thanks Dia. Everyone is saying "Stay detached!" I am trying, and I think I'm doing okay. I've been at this so long now, I'm actually pretty good at it, but it seems a day doesn't go by now without my W reaching out to me in one way or another. Makes detachment hard to maintain.
I agree totally about the "Remember when?" stuff. Nothing has seemed as much of a sea change in my W as when that started a couple months ago. Her face and demeanor are light and happy when she brings those memories up, and she wants to share the memories with me. That and the fact that she unpacked our family portaits, with me in them, and has them prominently displayed in the living room at her place.
Future, thanks for the encouragement. As you know, it's just so hard to talk to a WAS or look them in the face when all you see is cold calculation.
Thanks to this site and support on it I've pulled back from a few rash decisions and I've finally adopted rule No. 1 as the rule of my life -- no pursuit, move on.
I spent this weekend in Chicago with an old HS friend and then Sunday in Cincy. The Chicago trip was such fun I'm planning on going back in December or January.
The holidays don't look so daunting now either. I'll find a way to get through them.
I am psyched that your W seems to be coming back to you. I really, really hope that you make it. The pictures are a great sign, I hope.
On Friday, when I went over to my old house to see sick kids, W had packed up even more of my stuff, including pictures. She's still in the "erasing the past" stage. I'm leaving it for a couple of days just because I don't like that she does that. It's as if she wants to put me on the defensive the moment I walk in.
So although I still Cling To Hope, I'm emptying an investment account to retain a L. It's time to be prepared for all contingencies.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
As you know, it's just so hard to talk to a WAS or look them in the face when all you see is cold calculation.
Yes, I do know what you mean. Look right back at that face with as much confidence and happiness as you can muster. Let her think you are happily moving on, and just fine about it. Was hard for me at first, when she acted like she was happy we were both moving on so well. Slowly I noticed her starting to reach out just a little bit. She seemed to be around me more, and wanted to talk to me, wanted my opinion on things and wanted to share her little life events with me, especially about the kids. Movement was almost imperceptibly slow, making it so frustrating.
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I spent this weekend in Chicago with an old HS friend and then Sunday in Cincy. The Chicago trip was such fun I'm planning on going back in December or January.
Awesome! This is exactly what you should be doing. Progess will happen on your W's timetable, not yours, so at least try to enjoy your freedom in the mean time.
All three of our kids came down with H1N1. Not worried though, they're doing okay. Was up most of the night with them. Texted W very early this morning asking her to bring medicine and supplies over before she went to work. W is worried and she doesn't like being away from the kids when they're so sick, so she got up right then, got the supplies, and brought them over. She took care of the kids for a couple hours so I could get some sleep. She made coffee, gave the kids breakfast, and did laundry. Was weird having her in the house like that.
Wouldn't it be strange to be reconciled by pig flu?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
That would probably be a first in the history of DBing! I do think my W being here and taking care of things has made her feel a bit nostalgic but I don't think that'll bring her back. I imagine she was anxious about being in here like that, so she had her walls up this morning, at least until my youngest started messing with her hair at the breakfast table, and got her looking ridiculous. I couldn't help it, I started laughing at her, and she playfully pushed me in protest of my laughing. So hard to maintain detachment in the face of times like that.
Their fevers are gone, and they're full of energy, which is good. Back to school tomorrow. I've heard H1N1 can have a boomerang effect, so I hope that doesn't happen. I'm now sick myself, but not too bad. Thanks for asking!
