Karen, I don't even know where to start. Yes, I do think my confidence is coming around again: feel myself projecting a postive appearance and voicing myself a bit more lately. Can't really put my finger on it and why or how.
I don't know, today for some reason I've been really grumpy and edgey. So, wisken in the land of wild mood swings it is I guess. Maybe it's just the whole shrink thing today, started off looking forward to it, but now, I'm not looking forward to having my head all torn apart and then "oops, times up, we'll figure out where all this stuff goes backin there later on." That really pised me off last week, finally started getting somewhere and bam, you're done for today, now serving number 69.
"Move forward". I'd love that. I'm moving, not sure what direction, but moving none the less. No, life in limbo is not the way to go. I have and still believe reconciling is not in the cards. Too much damage and I seriously don't think XW would give half an inlcinging to undoing everything she's done now. If it was too much work when things were in their infancy, they certainly are way too much work now. Then, as said in another thread on the subject of sex, well, that ain't gonna be happeneing for a long time, and that won't fly with her, that's for sure.
So GAL, yeah, I'm doing what I can. Dating, honestly at this point I could care less. Not because XW or the D, but, just not interested at the moment. I don't need another persons games. Sure, the companionship is nice, but if it's companionship I REALLY want, I'll get a dog. [EDIT - And at least the dog will remain loyal]
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Dating, honestly at this point I could care less. Not because XW or the D, but, just not interested at the moment. I don't need another persons games. Sure, the companionship is nice, but if it's companionship I REALLY want, I'll get a dog. [EDIT - And at least the dog will remain loyal]
Oooh, I can tell you're in a mood! I get you about the dating; I have big swings when I think of dating; sometimes I feel ready, and then other times I think it's too stressful, forget about it.
Okay, your W is a game-player, my X is a gameplayer, most of our WAS I think are. But I have hope from everyone here, you, Kat, NC, Yoyo, Mish, Blue, etc. I don't think any of us are gameplayers, and we are all the loyal type too!!! And we don't have fleas.
Of course, if we had ticks we could take them off each other. LOL!
Just the thought of jumping off that cliff into the 'dating pool' is enough to send me scrambling for the covers to cower. I have the utmost respect for anyone here who has been through what we have that is willing to put themselves back out there and take those risks.
D, you'll know when the time is right. Trust me, not all women are game players. I know I'm definitely not. Can't stand the thought of it!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Session yesterday was complete opposite of the first. The first was all questions by the shrink. This one was more I lead the dialouge, suffice it to say, there were many silent times of the sessions. Addressed the mood of yesterday, shrink pins it on the call in the morning and XW's denial to let me pick S11 from school when he was told to go home last Friday, coupled with not hearing from them for a week.
We really spent a lot of time focusing on the kids being ripped out of my life and how that plays upon my own repressed 'childhood'. That was pretty painful and got the session cut short. Heh, next session is 'dedicated' to exploring my upbringing. That boys and girls, will be VERY interesting.
And now for the latest demonstration of pure flippen laziness and lack of parenting: XW has the brass to text ME if I know what assignments S11 has that are do. Umm, hello, you said you were going to the school to find out? The school that is only not even 4 blocks from where you live, and 4 houses from 'our house' that it sounds she frequents almost every day now! Unfricken believable.
So O looked itup online and got all his assignment. Oddly, communication from the teachers has dwndled, now I know why. When assisting S11 with his homework, yes, I had to assist a child OVER THE PHONE with his homework while the "custodial parent" did god knows what, he slipped and said "how do you know this all my work? Are the teachers STILL e-mailing you?".
Hence I believe XW stuck her self in the situation with yet another lie and requested the school not contact me anymore. Fits the bill, but why then text me when you're too god blasted lazy to handle things as the parent you claim YOU ARE?
Uggh, she really pisses me off to no avail.
Anyway, I did 'fib' and say, "yes, of course, why wouldn't they e-mail me?" No response. Then he and S12 later on both inquired as why I didn't answer the phone earlier, I said doctors appointment. S11 was really curious to know for what. All I could say was, "well you know, jsut one of those things". Then he asked what I was doing for the rest of the night. I thought about 'their curiosity' about what I did over the weekend and who I was with, and the stench of XW entered the room. So I played it off, said "I might clean up and go to bed, but I'm supposed to go out." Heh, mission successful, they kept asking where and with whom. And I repeatedly dodged it and changed the subject something more apporpriate.
Dating, you know, I've dabbled my toes in the water twice and both have ended up being nutbags who the moment I turn my head were with someone else, wow, that's real reassuring. So, if it weren't for my cousin's dog, I'd be on my way to the shelter to adopt one. Only problem is, I know me staying single is only an ego boost to XW for her just to think that I'm not because her reasoning would be becasue I'm still wrapped up in her. Not. I am wrapped up in wht I lost with her, but not her.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Hence I believe XW stuck her self in the situation with yet another lie and requested the school not contact me anymore. Fits the bill, but why then text me when you're too god blasted lazy to handle things as the parent you claim YOU ARE?
So what are you going to do about that? I think you would tell me to jump on that right away. I do wonder if they still tend to look to the moms for stuff like that, I know NC has had that experience, and when I told the teachers I wasn't getting the info (always sent home Mondays) they seem very nice about copying it to me. I think it should be that way with both parents of course!
Bravo on your conversation with your kids. It sounds like your XW has recruited them as her spies? Can you talk to them about that somehow?
I have looked at some of the online dating sites to see what's out there, and most of them look nutty there. Work out every day! (btdt), and have weird requirements, like 20 items long for what they can or can't tolerate, and some of the pictures look suspiciously like mug shots.
Your therapist sounds good, intuitive and all. Does she do solution-oriented stuff like we do here at all? Still think sometimes it's good to just do it, rather than just talk about it all the time. Although I know the talking is good too, to get all that stuff out. So good that you are going! I did that for about a year and I think it helped me for sure.
Only problem is, I know me staying single is only an ego boost to XW for her just to think that I'm not because her reasoning would be becasue I'm still wrapped up in her. Not. I am wrapped up in wht I lost with her, but not her.
Hey, Dday, I understand where you're coming from on that, as I have let myself think along those lines too. But then I have since decided to refuse to lead my life such that I either do or not do some action based on what I think my ex might think about it. I have already allowed too much of my life to be dominated by xW and her insanely selfish whims -- I refuse to give her any more of it. She abrogated her privilege to directly influence my life when she decided to end our M. No, I will make my own judgments and steer the course of my actions based on my own convictions, as given to me in my relationship with God.
I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do about the school just yet. Right now, I'm just curbing any 'tone' that may be projected, like I said "keep personal feelings out of it". So, when the time is right I will nip it. But, thinking about it, the school knows how concerned I am, and how much I follow up with issues they raise. So, since XW was too busy to do her parental duties, I'm certain they will come to me on their own. Stay tuned.
XW since day one has used the kids as her little minions. They are way too interested in what I'm doing, where I'm going, whom I'm with. Especially ever since I left the house and the "trained" eye of her main minions of the time, her brother and renter.
Online dating, oh, hell no. To get a real good sense of the online dating world, take a look at a friends profile whom you know is on one. I'll bet you $20 their profile picture is atleast 5 years old, and/or personal bios HIGHLY fabricated. I would NEVER stray down that path.
We;re only 2 sessions into the therapy sessions thus far, so no, no REAL goal setting going on yet. I do have a homework assignment tho and that's to identify the moments where my mood "changes" or thought strays off in to thoughts of "everything going on". Heh, to the later I said that's easy, when I wake up every dang morning.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Hey, Dday, I understand where you're coming from on that, as I have let myself think along those lines too. But then I have since decided to refuse to lead my life such that I either do or not do some action based on what I think my ex might think about it. I have already allowed too much of my life to be dominated by xW and her insanely selfish whims -- I refuse to give her any more of it. She abrogated her privilege to directly influence my life when she decided to end our M. No, I will make my own judgments and steer the course of my actions based on my own convictions, as given to me in my relationship with God.
I advise you to do the same.
Ehhh, I'm lost in that one NCB? I'm not letting XW influence me was the point I was making. But, she will feel in her mind I'm stuck on her, hence why I'm single. Better?
As for God, well, I'm respectful of others in their threads on the regard, but in my own, He and I have some issues to hammer out when he's not busy, so until then, to each their own.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I was just saying (undoubtedly poorly so) that I would not worry about what your ex thinks about you being single or not. She's going to think what she wants to anyway, right? And I certainly would not allow what she might think cause me to influence my decision to be single or not.
But if her thoughts and feelings (and biases) about you no longer sway you, then let it be so.
As for God, we all must seek our way, hopefully with a healthy measure of fear and trembling.
Maybe it's just the whole shrink thing today, started off looking forward to it, but now, I'm not looking forward to having my head all torn apart and then "oops, times up, we'll figure out where all this stuff goes backin there later on." That really pised me off last week, finally started getting somewhere and bam, you're done for today, now serving number 69. 
oh, hell no. To get a real good sense of the online dating world, take a look at a friends profile whom you know is on one. I'll bet you $20 their profile picture is atleast 5 years old, and/or personal bios HIGHLY fabricated. I would NEVER stray down that path.