K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

I'm thinking that if you told your X that she is not invited to thanksgiving dinner with your family that it would actually work more in your favor for causing her to think that things are changing.

Well, the thing is that D11 pushed for us spending the holidays together and I invited W and the girls to come over for dinner for Thanksgiving. W offered to make a turkey. If I come back now and say nevermind, you aren't invited, it would make me look flip floppish I think.

Kevin

[C-Bart]

I agree with you Kevin. It would sound like you are playing a game.

You know this but I'll say it anyway. Holidays, family time = emotional tension = emotional outburst. Just be ready and bring your best coping skills with you to the party.

[K4D]

Holidays, family time = emotional tension = emotional outburst. Just be ready and bring your best coping skills with you to the party.

[K4D]

Holidays, family time = emotional tension = emotional outburst. Just be ready and bring your best coping skills with you to the party.

I will be ready. I am not going to screw this up again. I will have my best coping skills ready.

Kevin

[smith18]

Just focus on the Cowboys and all should go just fine. The better game is Giants vs Broncos.

[K4D]

I am going to do my part and pray for God to do the rest.

Kevin

[K4D]

From Rejoice Ministries

God’s Hope
"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him." Psalm 62:5 (NLT)

Don’t get your hopes up! How many times have your friends or family members said this to you? How many times have you said it to yourself? Don’t get your hopes up! Why not? The explanation is that if you get your hopes up and things don’t turn out like you want you’re going to be so disappointed. Well, things just may not turn out like you planned whether you get your hopes up or not. I don’t know about you, but hope is what keeps me going.

"You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety." Job 11:18

There is a difference between our hope in earthly things and our hope in the Lord. When we put our hope in circumstances or people or things that the world values, there is always a chance that we will be disappointed. We may hope against a divorce and when it happens anyway we are devastated. We may put our hope in a new job that turns out to be nothing like we imagined. We may hope for a change in circumstances that never materializes. We may put our hope in people who let us down and disappoint us.

But hope in God is different. This is the kind of hope that is always there, that never disappoints, that keeps us walking. It’s the kind of hope that serves as an anchor for our soul, keeping us grounded when the raging waves of circumstances threaten to overwhelm us. Jesus gives us hope where there is no earthly cause for it. There is no "maybe" with this kind of hope. It is confident expectancy.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-6 (NLT)

The Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke recount the story of Jairus, a synagogue ruler. His daughter was dying and he had come to Jesus with hope that He would do the impossible and heal her. He didn’t hope in people or potions or programs. He hoped in Jesus. Jesus had agreed to go with him to his house, but had been delayed by the woman with the issue of blood. Meanwhile things had become even more impossible for Jairus.

"While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. 'Your daughter is dead,' he said. 'Don't bother the teacher any more.' Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, 'Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.'" Luke 8:49-50

So where do you think Jairus was with his hope right about now? Don’t you think he would have looked at the circumstances – his daughter was dead – and given up his hope? Maybe he was thinking that not even Jesus could come against this. But Jairus did not give up his hope. He took his eyes from the circumstances and clung to his hope in Jesus and he was blessed.

Where are you with your hope? Are you listening to the people who are telling you your marriage is dead, it’s time to bury it, don’t bother Jesus anymore? Have you given up your hope? Do you think your situation is just too hard for Jesus? Be a Jairus. Take your eyes off the circumstances and fix them firmly on Jesus. Hope in God.

I know that sometimes it hurts to hope. It is much easier to give up our hope because we don’t want to hurt anymore. We are tired of the pain, tired of the roller coaster, tired of getting our hopes up just to have them dashed to pieces again. But stop and think. Where is our hope when we allow ourselves to be tossed back and forth by circumstances? Are we hoping in things or are we hoping in God? Are we looking at the impossibilities, or hoping in the God of the impossible? Are we going to be like the Shunammite woman who said to Elisha, "Didn’t I tell you 'Don’t raise my hopes!'" or like Abraham who in hope believed against all hope?

Where we place our hope is the most important thing. Hope in God never disappoints. The enemy would like nothing better than to steal this hope. For some of us, this is all we have left and he knows it. If he can get us to give up our hope in God, he knows what he can do with our hope in "things." We must guard this hope that lives in our hearts with everything we have. We may be discouraged and disheartened by events in our lives, but we must never give up our hope in God. It is much better to wake up in the morning with hope than without; with belief than without; with God than without. The hope will last much longer than the hurt.

"My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises!" Psalm 57:7 (NLT)

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast..." Hebrews 6:19a (NASB)

How strong is your hope in the promises of God? Have you stepped across that faith line? Are you staying there? Don’t let the enemy steal your hope. Don’t let the darkness of the night extinguish the light of your hope. Don’t evaluate what God is doing by the way things look. Storms may be raging in our lives, but they can’t take away our hope. We trust in the Father of all hope; the One who rides the wings of the wind; the Creator of heaven and earth. Our hope in God is what makes this journey possible.

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

[jon2911]

Wow, yes the early game does look better on Thanksgiving. That's a change!

Kev, my wife and I skipped out on our families to spend last Thanksgiving together. One of the best things we've ever done. One of those "why didn't we do this earlier?" moments. We always felt pulled so many directions, especially with her parents divorced so splitting time there. I think without the rest of your family involved it will ease the tension somewhat, so good call. Hope it goes well!

[Goodfight]

Kevin,

Wow as far as the Rejoice Ministries with God's Hope. It made me feel so much better today. Thank you.

As far as the holidays go, that's where I'm confused. If you get a chance can you stop by my thread? I don't know whether to ask H to come for Thanksgiving or not, and I didn't know the Cowboys were playing Raiders. Cowboys are my team and the husband loves the Raiders. Wow, very interesting.

I totally agree with jon, as far as the rest of the family not being at the dinner with you, W, and girls. It will be less stressful.

Jon, what do you think about my sitch? Do I invite him or not? Kids would love it I know they would.

[K4D]

This is the letter I am giving to my W. Then I will walk away and go on about my life as I believe that is what it has come down to. I will no longer entangle myself in hers.

W,

I am going to respect what you asked. I would just like to say this.

I obviously still have growing to do. The more I learn, the more I know I have to die to myself. I know that this is really all my fault now.

You had hopes and dreams that I crushed time and time again in our marriage. I deeply hurt you over and over again. I was controlling and manipulative. It came so natural that I didn't even realize when I was doing it. That is something that I am having to learn how to quit doing. It is not an overnight change after years of thinking and acting a certain way.

My job was never to lead you, but to serve you and the girls and love yall unconditionally with no strings attached. It was my job to be there for you when you needed me to. It was my job to meet your needs. I wanted you to meet my needs which became ridiculous but did not turn around and meet your needs. Marriage is supposed to be a full partnership and I was not an equal partner. You had to carry to much weight on your own. I burdened you beyond what any human should have to carry.

I don't blame you at all for how you finally responded. I pushed you in that direction over and over again. I am the cause for the world we live in now. It is a hard reality to accept and take responsibility for. But it is the truth.

I let my own selfish desires tear us apart and push you out. I didn't love and cherish you the way I was supposed to. The way you did me. You needed to feel safe and loved and listened to and important and beautiful and I did not give you those feelings. Yours and the kids needs became secondary to my own. How selfish I was.

I did not treat you like a friend, partner, wife, or mother. I did not meet you half way.

I judged you, was verbally abusive, drank to much and I was a nightmare to be around. You needed to get out of that situation. For me to assume anything else was selfish and distorted on my part. I pointed the finger at you for our problems and the truth is, all our problems were because of me.

I did not respect your boundaries nor anyone elses. I did not put importance on what was important to you and the girls. I put pressure on you that was undeserved.

I realize that you are right in that I was delusional in things I said and did. I did burden the kids and did not realize that it was what I was doing. I didn't realize it was just another form of manipulation and control. That is stopping here and now.

I needed to and still need to grow up more. While I am making some progress in some areas, I still have a lot of growing and changing to do. There is no way to get around it.

Unfortunately because of me, not you, this is the reality our kids live in. I created it. And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you and the girls in whatever role that is.

I will not be going after any kind of custody other than just hoping that I can have them half the time like we have been doing. I realize now that it was wrong for me to let my anger and controlling manipulative actions get in the way. That was not Christlike on my part and not mature.

I have come to realize and accept that we do not have any kind of relationship other than business and coparenting. I tried to force one and that was wrong of me. I realize now that I cannot force someone to love me. That has to be earned through great sacrifice and true change in my own self.

I even tried to use God to fix us and just could not get it through my head that I had to fix me. I didn't realize what in me I had to fix and that it wasn't just going to happen naturally. I am coming to find out it takes a lot of hard work to fix something that has been so naturally rotten for so long. I thought it would be a cake walk and it is not. I can understand you not having respect for me as a man. I have done nothing to earn it.

I hope to thouroughly change me as a person going forward to someone you and everyone else can respect and feel safe around with time. I will not stop working on me to be who I should have been a long time ago.

But I will respect anything you ask and wish for. Your boundaries will be respected.

This cannot be about what I want, but what best meets yours and the girls needs.

I hope that you will forgive me with time. But that is only for you to decide if I have earned it.

If you need anything at all, please feel free to ask.

Kevin