We had a very nice weekend. It was D5's (now to be known as D6) birthday, so we took her to a nearby waterpark. My parents and siblings met us for a little party afterward. It was the first time W saw them since the separation. She was very insecure about meeting them, as I am from a relatively conservative family and she is afraid of what they may think of her. Anyway, it meant a lot to me that she was overcame her fears and went anyway. She said she felt "awkward" but that she did have a good time.
She asked last night if we could come up with a plan on how to move her stuff back into our home. She has already started thinking of how we can fit all the new furniture in. These are all good signs that show a commitment to our marriage. I find it all reassuring.
This site has been wondreful. However, I do not know if "Divorce Busting" is the correct name. Divorces are rarely busted in a defining moment. Rather, they fizzle slowly away until there is nothing left. I can't point to a moment where this marriage turned. However, I do feel good about our direction now.
He was in a superior position. That makes it a sexual harassment case no matter what she did. I know two people who walked away with a shitload of money from their Fortune 100 companies under the exact same scenario.
Still it varies by state. I wouldn't do anything without talking to lawyers. But ALWAYS document. Whether you end up needing it or not.
Breakaway the law is never black & white and it's never absolute, do you read what you even write ".... no matter what she did". Is that so?
So not everyone is held accountable for their actions that contributed to a specific situation?
She would be held accountable, you are mistaken if you think she would walk away scott free and on top of that, none of this would be private, news of this always leaks out, the scandal that is created by something like this causes poor work relations, I'm sure her employer would always have a different view of her along with her co-workers and she would have that stress to deal with too along with the fact that during this entire thread, her mental state has been at the forefront as one of the main issues.
".... no matter what she did"
Everyone has responsibility for their own actions, attempting to profit from these actions with the person you were involved in an affair with is just an extension of your questionable character should you choose to do something like this.
The assumption is he is stalking her, when in reality, the OM is the man she was involved with for an undetermined period of time and he has feelings to (arguably) and maybe he still wants her. Would we call the LBS a stalker because they continue to pursue their WAS with calls, texts, emails, etc.
What of Tristan? Would he want his world publicly revealed, everyone to know that his wife had an affair with someone she used to work with, enough damage has been caused already, I don't think it would be a good move to pursue something like this legally, would a couple hundred thousand dollars cover the cost of their pain? Would this help them on the path of reconciliation, continuing to focus on what happened during that affair and all the problems it created?
Nothing is ever cut & dried & absolute as the picture you tried to paint Breakaway, I think you know that from your own situation, no matter how small a role we played in an affair regardless if it was an EA or PA, we still played a role, we are responsible for that role.
Most of what you post Breakaway is usually good stuff, but every now & then I can't help but feel some angry part of you that crosses a few virtual lines - I think I get it (I could be wrong), you're still angry with the man you spent some time talking to (the quasi-emotional affair), but sometimes you project a little bit of that on to other situations and I'm not sure it's applicable in this case.
We can't blame the other person for getting emotionally involved with our spouses when they have an affair, we really can't. Our spouses put themselves in situations where an emotional connection was possible when they themselves were feeling weak but the responsibility is still there's alone.
Tristan, I would say just have your wife continue cutting off communications with the OM, no more phone calls, texts or emails and he will get the drift eventually - she's doing a good job of it thus far and it will eventually end.
rob, as usual, this has nothing to do with tristan, and, as usual, you are projecting your issues and assumptions on to me. When I said "no matter what she did" that was not implying that I felt any of the "she"s were not accountable. I was talking about the outcome. As usual, you are wrong about me. In every example I gave, I thought those women got away with murder. The last case I was to be deposed on, I was dreading, because I quit that company to get away from that situation, and the woman was going to depose me, when frankly, I would have testified against her. She was a total manipulator. But she walked away with fifty grand. I never did get deposed. I thought the other two cases were ridiculous as well, but the woman won. I didn't say she should win, I said she did win. So who is morally accountable is not the point.
As for the rest of your lecture about me, I didn't bother reading the rest of it. I don't care what you think about me. For some reason, you seem to have some need to "correct" me personally, as if you want some kind of groveling by proxy to make up for whatever your wife did. If you disagree with my opinions, fine, but stop writing posts about me and my "issues."
I will politely tell you one time that if you continue making personal comments about me I will consider it harassment.
Robx and Breakaway, It has been decided by management that we are going to relocate your desks to opposite sides of the building. We request that you avoid any contact with eachother in public areas and if it is neccessary that you need to communicate with each other for business purposes please direct those communications to your immediate supervisor until futher notice.
In retrospect, maybe we should have discussed,
If Mary Smith came to you with the complaint that John Doe's personal hygiene was affecting her ability to do her job what would you do?
Robx and Breakaway, It has been decided by management that we are going to relocate your desks to opposite sides of the building. We request that you avoid any contact with eachother in public areas and if it is neccessary that you need to communicate with each other for business purposes please direct those communications to your immediate supervisor until futher notice.
In retrospect, maybe we should have discussed,
If Mary Smith came to you with the complaint that John Doe's personal hygiene was affecting her ability to do her job what would you do?
LOL! What happens if I point my finger at her and say "SHE STARTED IT!" LOL!
rob, as usual, this has nothing to do with tristan, and, as usual, you are projecting your issues and assumptions on to me. When I said "no matter what she did" that was not implying that I felt any of the "she"s were not accountable. I was talking about the outcome. As usual, you are wrong about me. In every example I gave, I thought those women got away with murder. The last case I was to be deposed on, I was dreading, because I quit that company to get away from that situation, and the woman was going to depose me, when frankly, I would have testified against her. She was a total manipulator. But she walked away with fifty grand. I never did get deposed. I thought the other two cases were ridiculous as well, but the woman won. I didn't say she should win, I said she did win. So who is morally accountable is not the point.
As for the rest of your lecture about me, I didn't bother reading the rest of it. I don't care what you think about me. For some reason, you seem to have some need to "correct" me personally, as if you want some kind of groveling by proxy to make up for whatever your wife did. If you disagree with my opinions, fine, but stop writing posts about me and my "issues."
I will politely tell you one time that if you continue making personal comments about me I will consider it harassment.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ....... what the... sorry breakaway were you saying something? I wasn't paying attention ;-)
You sure get touchy when I quote you. Is it ok only when you get to make statements that are questionable or are we afforded that particular right?
".... no matter what she did..."
Yes I get it, you were talking about the outcome which you concluded prematurely would happen a certain way, and I disagreed with you because like I said, it's never that easy. You made an "assumption" based on your limited exposure to a few certain cases which we all don't know the details about. I just called you on your assumption.
And trust me, I have no "need" to correct you, I just like to bust people on their crap, I'm sure it's happened to me a few times, but don't view it as a necessity - I don't attribute that much importance to it. ;-)
We can't blame the other person for getting emotionally involved with our spouses when they have an affair, we really can't.
Yes, we can.
We can -- and should -- blame them BOTH. "It takes two to tango."
Puppy
Fine we can blame both but the OM didn't know every detail, I'm sure she didn't explain everything to him. That would rarely happen when someone is in this situation.
Yes it takes two to tango, the only person I would be concerned with is the spouse in this situation.
And remember those feelings of lust/infatuation, those are chemicals generated in response to certain stimuli in a specific environment - we all went through very similar feelings when we began seeing our respective spouses, attraction is not a choice, love might be, but attraction isn't.
And remember those feelings of lust/infatuation, those are chemicals generated in response to certain stimuli in a specific environment - we all went through very similar feelings when we began seeing our respective spouses, attraction is not a choice, love might be, but attraction isn't.
No, but actingon that attraction, most certainly is.
