Sorry, we're closed. Under new management.

[smith18]

I am a firm believer in equal custody time except in cases where it can be proved one parent is unstable or cant fulfill the 50% time. Kids need both parents. Our society suffers when kids are brought up in single parent homes.

If it was me facing 3 hours of time with my kids once every 2 weeks, I would go to trial. You say your L has 35 years of experience - good - I am sure she can help you get parenting time that is in the best interest of the kids.

I really believe your STBXW is doing this just for the sake of more child support.

[NoCodeBlues]

50 percent is already a compromise.

Anything less than that (except in the rare cases Kerry mentions) would be an injustice to everyone.

[faithisbelieving]

Thanks to all. I agree. I need at least 2 days midweek. As a physician, tho', I must face a difficult decision and that is whether to let the kids sleepover. Logistically, I can't march the kids out in the snow at 2AM if I get called to the ER. I'd appreciate some thoughts.

The negative stuff as they wrote it up:
-shilty parenting time: alternating weekends (acceptable). 4-7 Wednesday following her weekend and 4-7 Tues, Wed other week
-2 weeks, nonconsecutive, in the summer.
-she wants one half the religious holidays (after she waffled multiple times)
-she wants me to pay her health until Cobra starts
-they want me to be responsible for the HELOC
-no radius listing on moving distance
-she wants maintenance
-my L tells me that HER L tells her that she plans to quit working and go to school full time
-she wants to split all school holidays
-paragraph in there that says the kids have input on whether they want to be with the other parent (???)

Other comments:
-STBXW is leaving the house; the house will have to go up for sale; I am responsible for all costs re: the sale
-no comments on funding extracurricular activities
-other stuff
-of course that STBXW can change her name back (no big deal)

Of note is that her atty tried to sneak in that the cause for D was abandonment vs what we filed for , cruel and inhuman.

I admire those men here who have already survived this portion. I didn't sleep well last night and had renewed feelings of guilt and responsibility, but, please understand these feelings are NOT related to STBXW anymore but....for my children. It is clear that we, as men, get shafted when it comes to parenting time.

Kerry...Jeff223(if you are still following)....I'd appreciate some thoughts on working the schedule and dividing up holidays. Thanks in advance.
FIB

[faithisbelieving]

Do you think, deep down, that you were the best man for her? If you do, then whoever else she finds will pale in comparison and she'll eventually realize it. That should give you peace.

To CTH....funny. I thought about your comment all night long. I also note that you are a 'youngling' here (forgive the Star Wars term). I remember....having all those feelings in the beginning, those catch phrases that we all love to post to ease our initial pain:
-she'll regret it
-it's a bandaid
-she'll never find anyone like you
-one day they will regret what they did

Yada yada yada.

The sad fact is: women can lose attraction. People change and grow apart. People meet new people and fall in love again.

There will never be any antidote for the disease of feeling rejected. Nor will there be any ONE explanation for how any of us got here. As my atty told me last night, USUALLY, TWO PEOPLE CONTRIBUTE to the demise of the marriage. Two. Sadly, one person usually paints the other with a darker brush stroke in order to validate their reasons for departing.

We go through so many phases to try and feel better about this:
-we vindicate ourselves and call the OP crazy, alien, sick, etc.
-we envision ourselves as the only person 'right' for the other person
-we deny our pain and live in a false hope place.....we await the marital messiah to arrive....the land flowing with milk and honey and hope for reconciliation...a place where our WAS's wake up and say, "honey, I'm home. I made such a terrible mistake and I love you and want to come back and build that wonderful marriage that we read about."

Loss of love, rejection, divorce and loss of time with our children.....is a terrible thing. It happens. Sadly, too frequently.

I still stand here and say it BEHOOVES us to try and save our marriages. How long one chooses to stand....is a personal call. I pray, CTH, that YOU ....will be one of the fortunate.

I pray.

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

Wrapping up, I found my first post:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...4825#Post754825

Am I that same man? I sound so 'newb'...so inspired....so scared but positive....

It reminds me of the optimism of a young college student who wanted to be a doctor.....so long ago...who grew up with Dr. Kildare, Ben Casey, Marcus Welby and Joe Gannon.....only to become frustrated with the 'system'...disillusionment...but now, ? reconstruction and rebirth?

Winding down.
FIB

[john210]

Hey FIB,
Read your first post....sounds like you battled.....hard. The similarities in sitches with our XWs are so.....eerie. I am missing the middle chapters but i am guessing there is or was another man.
I want to add another line or catch phrase (that i repeated to myself):
No person regardless of how wonderful they are has the power to affect my life so negativelly. That is not really a catch phrase at all....
"Her loss" probably qualifies......that boys and girls I really believe.
Don't loose the optimism my friend....there are better days ahead. Yes the WAS lingers in your system but you have also stayed in hers...guaranteed.
Finally, "People meet new people and fall in love again." Why not YOU FIB?

[faithisbelieving]

Great post John. Yes...there were other men...multiple interests. FIB

[faithisbelieving]

To HopeFF..thanks. There was a paragraph or two in there re: illicit drug use, etc, appropriate for both of us, but, as above, there have been no abuse issues between the two of us.

To Silent....thanks for your continued support.

I imagine when STBXW moves out, I will start boxing up things. I am not the type to hang on. I will box up anything related to our marriage and seal it. I guess..it is just my way of getting closure.

Odd, now, that my posts have picked up. I knew that when the eventual end came, it would bring on a new set of emotions..but..this is personal now, for me and my kids.

FIB

[dl443322]

Hey FIB, its Beginners. I though it was time for a new name.

There are still some difficult days ahead for you. And yes, the feeling of rejection takes a toll, doesnt it?

So, be kind to yourself in the coming months. Cherish those children. Let yourself feel the loss so that you can come out the other side. It really is a death of hopes and dreams and what you thought your future was going to be.

But with a death, after the grieving is passed, there comes a time for renewal. There will always be a dull ache that pops up from time to time. But, then life takes over and we move on.

So, my wish for you is that this next phase is relatively quick and as painless as possible. I pray that your children thrive and get through it all as intact as possible.

I hope that you stay open to the possibilities that life offers and that you find someone who deserves you.

And that you leave room for those donuts!

Catch you on the flip side.

[sofaraway]

Logistically, I can't march the kids out in the snow at 2AM if I get called to the ER. I'd appreciate some thoughts.

Then as a physician you hire a nanny that stays overnight while you have them.

shilty parenting time: alternating weekends (acceptable). 4-7 Wednesday following her weekend and 4-7 Tues, Wed other week
-2 weeks, nonconsecutive, in the summer.
-she wants one half the religious holidays (after she waffled multiple times)

What do you want FIB? How can we help guide you without that info?

no radius listing on moving distance
-she wants maintenance

No and no. Do not allow her this " no radius" bullshitt as she will move away with your children. You and I both know that is exactly her angle. Why would you pay her spousal support when she practiced infidelity? If your lawyer believes in this, get a new one.

paragraph in there that says the kids have input on whether they want to be with the other parent (???)

Unacceptable, it almost dares the parents to try and persuade the kids. They are children and until they are of legal age in your state they do not get a vote. Plain and simple.

STBXW is leaving the house; the house will have to go up for sale; I am responsible for all costs re: the sale

The cost of selling your house should first and foremost come out of any equity from the sale first. Her lawyer sounds like a sneaky manipulative lawyer, not shocking considering who he/she is representing.

Stand up FIB, fight for what is right and what you want.


Ian