No overnight guests of the opposite sex when the kids are present (unless married).
No alcoholic beverages to be consumed by the parent when he/she has the kids. (Unfortunately my ex is constantly breaking this one...may be back in court soon.)
I agree with all of what Deb mentioned with the exception of the two above...
The overnight guest thing only works until the divorce is finalized. I don't see how you can enforce it after that. The no alcohol is also difficult at best to enforce. People need to get on with their lives, bad decisions and all. I had verbiage in the parenting plan that there would be no overnigt guests until the divorce was finalized, but she conveniently ignored it. The issue with these requirements is that there is little you can do about it if they are not followed. File a motion with the court ($$$) and maybe the judge will say she shouldn't do that. No repercussions. Unless there is something really destructive going on that may harm the kids, it probably just isn't worth the time, money and hassle to fight it and also just creates ill feelings between the parties involved because there is sense of one person trying to control the other's life even though they are now divorced.
Be specific about holidays and birthdays. Be specific about college $. I'm looking back at my PSA and am thinking this may be an issue to deal with when we get there.
Thanks all. I am going to review the first draft today. Much will need to be spelled out here...including phone calls, timing, etc. Also, I am concerned about future life events (eg, sweet sixteen, BM's, etc.). My atty has been doing this for over 35 years so she should know pretty much.
My atty has said in the past on her first vacay out of the country, "FIB, you are getting divorced. There will be other men." I agree with the above that we probably still try to control their lives, or, try to put some semblance of 'integrity thinking' on them, when, we really can't.
Took notes. Will post back. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Do you think, deep down, that you were the best man for her? If you do, then whoever else she finds will pale in comparison and she'll eventually realize it. That should give you peace.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Hopefor future, Surprisingly, my exH did obey the no-overnight guests rule...even after the divorce was final. My understanding when I was going through my separation and divorce is that it is a normal request that there not be members of the opposite sex staying overnight (unless they are married) when the children are present.
As for the drinking, my exH is an alcoholic. I asked for that clause because he has already had one accident because he was driving drunk. His DWI was reduced to careless and reckless. I could care less what he does when the kids are with me; but, when they are with him, I need to know that they are safe. Yes, it is difficult to enforce...in fact, I am dealing with that very issue right now. Just this past weekend, my exH took my 12-year old son to the coast 4 hours from home. While they were there, he drank at least 12 beer and then drove home (also drinking while he was driving). My son's cellphone battery was dead so he had no way of contacting me. What if my ex had had an accident on the way home and my son had been hurt or killed?
I'm not trying to create ill feelings between my ex, nor am I trying to control his life. I just want to know that he is not going to be drinking and driving w/ my children. Before he started drinking Saturday, he told my son he was going to drink and that he didn't have to tell his mom (me) everything.
That is pretty serious Deb and I too would think seriously taking legal action. There is no excuse for someone to be driving drunk. Plus, having a child in the vehicle should only add time to a deserved lengthy jail sentence.
I agree on the drinking and driving issue. If there is a history of abusing alcohol like that, it is a reasonable clause to put in the parenting plan. Still difficult to enforce, but at least you lay the groundwork. If there is blatent disregard for you son's safety, I would suggest observed visitations.
Unacceptable draft. I can't go into all of it, but, I will simply give you an idea by saying that I am given one day during alternating weeks for 3 hours on a Wednesday.
Multiple other problems.
However, simply based on the parenting time, it would be enough for me to sell my life for money to go to trial.
I'm sorry.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Do you think, deep down, that you were the best man for her? If you do, then whoever else she finds will pale in comparison and she'll eventually realize it. That should give you peace.
I can't....shouldn't answer that. That's rationalization....a form of denial and wishful thinking. If I was, she would have chosen a method to stay. She did not and that is her life choice. She decided that I WASN'T the best man for her.
We men here don't the ability to understand how the WAW feels. And, understandably so. After being married, for most men here, it is incomprehensible to think that the woman they walked down the aisle with would feel so out of love or unattracted to them that they would lower their lifestyle, throw away their home, lose 50% of the time with their children, destroy their family and just walk away. They do it, everyday. Just look around us. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I would think that anything less than 50% custody would mean a serious legal fight, if I were you.
Their offer smacks of low-balling, hoping that you will come back with a counter-offer that is lower than 50% that they will jump at.
What exactly is your lawyer doing for you FIB? I know you like her and all, but I can't help but feel that she has woefully underrepresented you through all of this. In this day and age there is absolutely no reason that I can think of why the father of two children would not be entitled to half custody.
I hate that this madness continues for you, re: dealing with a spouse who remains intent upon bringing you as much pain as possible. The woman really seems unredeemable to me at this point.
Stay strong and do everything in your power to gain a settlement that you will be able to accept for the long haul.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
