Man give her the space. It will very hard to do but it you want results this is the best way and she is asking for it. During this time you can work on your changes because as Coach said, you are going to have free time now!
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
To be honest with you "Afraid" is one of the emotions I have been feeling the past couple of weeks.
OK, having emotions is fine but you have to have plan for dealing with them. I used the Stockdale Paradox to help me, it's in my signature line. Smileys Person uses the Capt Spiers quote from "Band of Brothers" - "the sooner you realise you are dead the sooner you will be able to function like a soldier should."
Quote:
She keeps telling me the more I bother her the more I am pushing her away. I just haven't understood the "space and time" thing yet. I guess I am worried she is going to spend time thinking about how to leave me rather than thinking about how to come back to me.
do you you understand why she feels "smothered" ?
Have you read up on co-dependence?
It's wasted energy, time and resources to worry about what she is thinking, feeling, or doing. If you really need to know what she is thinking or feeling then ask. You are only responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It's wasted energy, time and resources to worry about what she is thinking, feeling, or doing. If you really need to know what she is thinking or feeling then ask. You are only responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You can handle it.
Cheers
I am just still in shock I guess. A couple of weeks ago we were getting along great, she seemed happy to me but then one day just tells me that she has been unhappy for a long time. I have been in panic mode I guess.
When I say I love you, she stopped saying it back. She has never done that before. I need to get out of panic mode. I could do this better if I just knew she was going to come back to me after she has her time and space.
I could do this better if I just knew she was going to come back to me after she has her time and space.
You don't know the outcome. The key is doing the right thing no matter what. I do know that panic mode makes you look weak, which isn't attractive to your wife. You need to have goals so you can match your actions to you goals.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Went to the gym before she did so I would not be there at the same time (we both have a membership at the same gym) but I did call her and ask her if we could have dinner tonight. She was angry at me because she said I have been calling and emailing her too much. I am afraid I am going to run her out of the house. She wants to stay separated in the house together if I can give her time and space. It is very hard for me still. I miss her touch and miss hugging her and kissing her. I miss laughing with her and telling her about my day and hearing about her day.
Coach: I really appreciate your posts, as well as others. I think I can relate to coach because I was a wrestling coach for 15 years and one of my sons is a high school Lax player.
I just read on her FB page that her girlfriend is inviting her out for drinks sometime this week. The same friend that she went out with last Thursday night. I am so afraid that her friends are just going to talk her into leaving me. I emailed one of our other mutual friends that she has been hanging out with a lot lately. I asked her for advice on how I can get my wife back (thinking that my W might have told her something that would be helpful for me). She did not respond to my email but she forwarded to my W, then my W emailed me and told me to leave our friends out of this.
If I could only turn back the hands of time and be more of the husband she wanted!
I blocked my W on my FB page. I let her know ahead of time so she wouldn't think it was out of anger. I did the same for myspace. I also did that for some friends of hers. Reading some minor comment online would throw me off and I would let it snowball.
You can't turn back time. Make the changes in your life now. The past is gone. Learn from it and be better. Have hope and pride in the better person you are becoming and you'll worry less about what you could have done.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
this has got to be an epidemic. why are wives all over the world suddenly not happy with what they have? Some are valid reasons, but i gotta be honest here, i see no reason your wife should be acting this way if you are a good husband, father and provider. Something must be happening. MLC, EA, something. This business partner she is working for, is it a man or woman?
I am not saying that that is what is happening but I am completely confused by the behavior all these WAW exhibit lately.
Is it our culture? Tv? what is it? Is it the current economic climate? 2012? what is going on?
Is there some sort of happy police telling everyone what the standards for happiness are? and too hell with what happens to the people left behind?
Man oh man i am so confused about all this WAW stuff.
this has got to be an epidemic. why are wives all over the world suddenly not happy with what they have? Some are valid reasons, but i gotta be honest here, i see no reason your wife should be acting this way if you are a good husband, father and provider. Something must be happening. MLC, EA, something. This business partner she is working for, is it a man or woman?
I am not saying that that is what is happening but I am completely confused by the behavior all these WAW exhibit lately.
Is it our culture? Tv? what is it? Is it the current economic climate? 2012? what is going on?
Is there some sort of happy police telling everyone what the standards for happiness are? and too hell with what happens to the people left behind?
Man oh man i am so confused about all this WAW stuff.
I am confused too. However, I know I made mistakes in the marriage. I took her for granted and everything was about me for too long. She took great care of me. She cooked my meals, did my laundry, kept a clean house and worked full time as well. My mother warned her a few times that she was spoiling me and she needs to make me do stuff for myself. It just came to a head recently and she broke down and said she needs some independence and time for herself.
I am very positive that there is not another man. I would not rule that out in the future if things do not get better but at this point I just don't see it with our schedules and the access we have to each other. She works in a customer service office for IT company with 6 other women. She does not work directly with any men.
She came home from the gym tonight after work. We made our dinners and watched tv until 9 o'clock on the couch together. Then she went upstairs and got in the bed and starting reading a book. I peeked my head in the door and just said goodnight to her. It is so hard sleeping in separate bedrooms. For 7 years we had a bedtime routine and I always loved our time together at night before going to sleep.
