My STBXW did some wonderful things for me in the time of 'good'.
-she gave me my son and daughter -she made me laugh -she supported me and built me up when I went out on my own -we had many romantic nights -we shared many nights of good sex and intimacy -we went on many wonderful vacations together
But it was her decision that it was not enough for her. It was not fulfilling on a longterm basis. Her lifetime goals fell short for herself and she chose to list me as part of the cause. She also chose to let her affections wane and, like many of WAW's, chose not to work on it. She chose to emotionally withdraw from the marriage and try and find that what made her feel good in the past.
And so it is. That...is life...for many.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
In time, when you heal, you will remember the good times, and it will not hurt as much.
Fib, I think it's time for you to stop rehashing what has happened. You know you did the best you could. You know she didnt. And in order for you to really move forward, you have to let it go.
So, take what you've learned on this journey and begin your new life. Start new traditions with your children, explore new possibilities and leave yourself open to accept what life offers.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I want your reciepes. And... I love it when you get mad!!! LOL!! Dont worry about me. I have my marbles, remember? You may not like what I decide, but I like what you advise me.
Yep, the start of the rest of your -great- life!!! K
To all: any suggestions for things to be written into the agreement? Anything that someone here regretted they hadn't put in? Thanx. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I regret not having kids extracurricular activity expenses in the agreement as after the D it was a real pain in the ass to get that one agreed on. At least she agreed to pay for S9's piano lesson and any increase for D7's piano.
Retirement regret - I had 3 SEP IRA's and 1 401K that was used in the big spread sheet of division of assets. Transferring from a 401K would have cost between $700-$1000 to do, so we offered XW a value that could have easily been covered from the 3 SEP's. However, the market was collapsing badly during and following the D. By the time I got the SEP's transferred to her, I still had to come up with some extra cash (minus the tax).
Frank, I hope you both are so very close to getting an agreed upon settlement.
FIB, just some examples of what I had in my agreement:
Visitation-be as specific as you can be...including holidays.
No overnight guests of the opposite sex when the kids are present (unless married).
No alcoholic beverages to be consumed by the parent when he/she has the kids. (Unfortunately my ex is constantly breaking this one...may be back in court soon.)
Make sure you are kept informed of any school or extra-curricular activities...also, grades, report cards, etc.
Somehow insurance got left out of our agreement...make sure someone has insurance on the kids.
Some of my friends have college money in their agreements.
If either of us plan to take the kids out of state, we have to give the other parent one week's notice, where we are going, and information on how to get in touch w/ the kids.
We have to notify each other of any changes in address or contact numbers.
And, we have to give the other parent at least 30 days notice if we plan on moving....especially if it is going to affect the visitation schedule. If it does, we have to go back to mediation and re-do the visitation schedule.
I'm not sure if this is what you were asking for; but, I hope it helps.
We are all rooting for you, FIB. I can't wait to see what life has in store for you next!!
can't you make the kids the beneficiary with someone else as trustee for them while they're minors? Guess it's a policy to replace the alimony?
Forgive my crass cynicism...but I used to practice criminal law and um...well, I never like providing incentives and motives to some people...just sayin'
FIB maybe you should put in the agreement that an "autopsy will be mandated" if you die under odd circumstances....??
I'll post more to you later. (SIGH)
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
