I am so smothered by you that I can’t even have my own thoughts because you are doing nothing but asking me a million and one questions.I need my space and you are not giving me that AT ALL!!!!"
So how are you going to respond to that? Your wife is very clear on what she wants.
Cheers Coach
ps My wife didn't have a affair but I got grilled from the get go as well. It does change the DBing tactics if she is and that is why all the guys want you to know what you are dealing with.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am so smothered by you that I can’t even have my own thoughts because you are doing nothing but asking me a million and one questions.I need my space and you are not giving me that AT ALL!!!!"
So how are you going to respond to that? Your wife is very clear on what she wants.
.
Actually I did not respond. I left her alone. Seems that my only chance of working this out is to give her some time and space to figure herself out first.
Some people on this forum will insist your W has OM. Unless you have proof, dont let this get to you. Just because a W wants out of a marriage doesnt always mean there is someone else. Its a possibility, but not always the case.
Thanks for that advice. I was thinking of leaving this forum because that seems the standard answer with everyone. I am 99.9% sure there is no other man.
Why, because "she's just not that type of person?" I'm sorry, but that's naive. If you've confirmed that in another way, and just not shared it here, that's fine, but the reason why so many of us are warning you is because we have years of experience that you don't have yet, and it's been the case WAY more than 75% of the time.
But you don't want to seem to hear that, so I will leave you alone. I just didn't want to see you go thru the pain of getting blindsided.
Actually I did not respond. I left her alone. Seems that my only chance of working this out is to give her some time and space to figure herself out first.
Good call.
This is going to take time. LOTS of time. Be patient. Try to see things from her perspective. Be understanding, but not a doormat.
Read as much as you can on these boards. Read the DR book. Develop patience. You'll need lots of patience.
Listen and validate. This is huge.
Don't get baited into arguments. Did I mention patience? Lots of patience?
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Actually I did not respond. I left her alone. Seems that my only chance of working this out is to give her some time and space to figure herself out first.
Good call.
This is going to take time. LOTS of time. Be patient. Try to see things from her perspective. Be understanding, but not a doormat.
Read as much as you can on these boards. Read the DR book. Develop patience. You'll need lots of patience.
Listen and validate. This is huge.
Don't get baited into arguments. Did I mention patience? Lots of patience?
Thanks for your advice. I have the day off today and I have been reading this board most of the afternoon. It is sort of depressing but helpful at the same time. So many people in similar situations as mine.
I just read on her FB page that her girlfriend is inviting her out for drinks sometime this week. The same friend that she went out with last Thursday night. I am so afraid that her friends are just going to talk her into leaving me. I emailed one of our other mutual friends that she has been hanging out with a lot lately. I asked her for advice on how I can get my wife back (thinking that my W might have told her something that would be helpful for me). She did not respond to my email but she forwarded to my W, then my W emailed me and told me to leave our friends out of this.
If I could only turn back the hands of time and be more of the husband she wanted!
I just read on her FB page that her girlfriend is inviting her out for drinks sometime this week. The same friend that she went out with last Thursday night. I am so afraid that her friends are just going to talk her into leaving me. I emailed one of our other mutual friends that she has been hanging out with a lot lately. I asked her for advice on how I can get my wife back (thinking that my W might have told her something that would be helpful for me). She did not respond to my email but she forwarded to my W, then my W emailed me and told me to leave our friends out of this.
Strong confident men aren't afraid and don't need their W's friends help to get a woman, especially there wife back.
What are you doing to GAL?
List your goals.
Now that you aren't going to ask your wife all those questions and pursue her what are you going to do with all the free time?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I just read on her FB page that her girlfriend is inviting her out for drinks sometime this week. The same friend that she went out with last Thursday night. I am so afraid that her friends are just going to talk her into leaving me. I emailed one of our other mutual friends that she has been hanging out with a lot lately. I asked her for advice on how I can get my wife back (thinking that my W might have told her something that would be helpful for me). She did not respond to my email but she forwarded to my W, then my W emailed me and told me to leave our friends out of this.
Strong confident men aren't afraid and don't need their W's friends help to get a woman, especially there wife back.
What are you doing to GAL?
List your goals.
Now that you aren't going to ask your wife all those questions and pursue her what are you going to do with all the free time?
I just read on her FB page that her girlfriend is inviting her out for drinks sometime this week. The same friend that she went out with last Thursday night. I am so afraid that her friends are just going to talk her into leaving me. I emailed one of our other mutual friends that she has been hanging out with a lot lately. I asked her for advice on how I can get my wife back (thinking that my W might have told her something that would be helpful for me). She did not respond to my email but she forwarded to my W, then my W emailed me and told me to leave our friends out of this.
Strong confident men aren't afraid and don't need their W's friends help to get a woman, especially there wife back.
What are you doing to GAL?
List your goals.
Now that you aren't going to ask your wife all those questions and pursue her what are you going to do with all the free time?
To be honest with you "Afraid" is one of the emotions I have been feeling the past couple of weeks. Afraid, lonely, hurt and regret is what I have been feeling.
As far as GAL. That is something I am trying to figure out. Last week at work I could barley function. I took this week off to try to get my head together. Last night was my first night in the spare bedroom. I think I only slept for about 2 hours. Laying in bed knowing she is just across the hall was the hard part.
When my W and I met 7 years ago I was in terrific shape, running 5 miles a day. Since we have been married I gained 30lbs. My W gained some weight too but in the last year she has lost a lot of weight and looks terrific now. I have been going to the gym and working out the past few weeks. I always feel better after a workout.
I'd listen to everything Coach says too. He was actually successful in getting his W back.
As for the depressing...Orich and his W reconciled last month. Dia, wanttobebetter, and Tristan are all putting things together too. It can happen.
That is good to know. I was wondering if there were any happy endings on this board.
I will do anything to get her back. That is why I am here. I need strength and patience. She keeps telling me the more I bother her the more I am pushing her away. I just haven't understood the "space and time" thing yet. I guess I am worried she is going to spend time thinking about how to leave me rather than thinking about how to come back to me.
