No she's never mentioned anything about another guy. I am sure that it is a very good possibility especially after 4 months of her being gone. I don't think there is a whole lot to do in my sitch other than just doing my own thing and letting the l's play things out. I have barely spoken with her at all in the past 4 months and not much has changed. If she doesn't want to work on things then it won't happen. Just waiting it out. And yeah I have gone out and socially interacted and have been getting a life but just not the same and not what I wanted in life. Just have to keep on keeping on praying that she will have a change of heart. And if not I will just have to see where life takes me.
Robx I will give you a quick run down on sitch. I was typical nice guy and did it all for my W so much that everything I did was all about her and how to help her to be happy. Little to do with what I wanted and just about her. Resentment and insecurities on my part and disrespect & a not caring or trying on her part. Worked/ing on my issues and still hoping that she will have the opportunity to notice and change her mind.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Well no contact with W again this past weekend. I text her on Wednesday to see what was up since she called last Sunday and left vm. I also called her and left her a voicemail on Friday. Have not heard from her.
Since then I learned that she has requested a court date for the D. Which will probably be next summer. She has never said anything about mediation it was just here is what I want with a list of items on the petition. I responded back and it was not what she was asking for so she must figure she needs to go to court. The only time she sat down to even try to talk about filing and what was what is one time she told me she wanted to talk over finances. When I got there she had a joint petition filled out and wanted me to sign. That was 1.5 months ago. I would not sign then as I needed to talk to a lawyer. So she filed away hoping that I would just give in. 10 years and she can't even talk through this without getting everything her way.
We have been in minimal to no contact for 4 months now. I go back and forth between should I try to initiate contact with her or do I keep on with no/minimal contact in hopes that she wakes up. I am sure that the census here on the board would be to stay no contact as I can't talk her into anything this is something that she has to go through on her own. It just seems like sitting here doing nothing in the way of saving my marriage outside of GAL is not busting my D.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Yes it is not logical. But it works, so I am going to keep doing it. It has opened up communication. Of course I have kids that will tie us together forever......
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Not much new to report. Saw W yesterday for the second time since she left in July. She stopped over at the house to get her snow tires for her car. I helped her load them and gave her her mail. She petted the dogs for a couple of minutes and then took off. No R or D talk. She said thanks and headed out the door.
She had been there two weeks ago and got some coats but did not pick up her tires at that time. I was out of town that week and she did not know that I was. Last night she mentioned that she needed a vacuum as she hasn't had one since she moved out. I said ok take the spare one it is in the basement. She hesitated and said she would just get it later.
She hasn't stopped by the house for 3 months and then stops by twice in two weeks and plans to stop back again sometime to get a vacuum. Whatever.
When she stopped by the house was spotless, I was dressed to head out on the town and did not mention anything but small talk. Friendly but nothing more.
On the D front. Her L seems to not know what he is doing. He is a criminal lawyer and not a Family L. He forgot to file the papers until after I sent my response in. When my L talked with him he did not know of any mediators and really didn't see it as an option. My L sent over a list of mediators last week. Still not sure when we can go to mediation or what will happen. I would rather not go to mediation since that would mean that I would have to sign off on the D. I truly don't believe in D and not sure if it is something that I can or will do. I accept the fact that my M is over and my W is not coming back but signing D papers to finalize is still something that I am not sure I can do. If we don't go to mediation court date will probably be in July or August of next year. One thing if I do wait until court I get to stay in the house for at least the next year with her paying half the mortgage. Her lawyer also mistakenly put in the papers that the house would not go on the market until one month after D is final. Since we can afford to have both places it really isn't a problem there.
As far as her beleiving that I am done with her and that wakes her up. I don't think that will ever happen. She knows of my religious stance on D and knows I won't change. I was wearing my wedding ring last night when she came. She may or may not have noticed doesn't really matter. She knows I am not for the D.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Well still nothing from the wife. No talk of mediation nothing. Per my db coach he said to ask her to do something every once in awhile. I asked her twice if she wanted to go to the dog park and yesterday if she wanted to see a movie this weekend. First time i asked her to dog park she replied she had to work last two times no response back. The only time she responds is if she wants something. So guess it is back to complete NC. Probably talked to her 5 times in the last 4 months and seen her twice. Hope she wakes up soon because she is really starting to chap my arse.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Well still very limited contact from W. Talked to her last week for maybe two minutes on bills. Then sent her an email detailing all the bills so that she could send money for the mortgage. Then yesterday we go through the following:
W: I'm going to come to the house tonight and get some Christmas stuff
M: I'm not going to be home tonight or tomorrow night
W: Can I still go there and get some stuff....just Christmas stuff
M: No we need to go through it and split it up
W: I'm not gonna keep it.... I don't have anywhere to store it...I'm gonna use it and bring it back.
M: Does Saturday morning at 10 work for you?
W: No I'm working... I can only do it tonight..I'm not gonna take anything for good..in fact I'm gonna bring the totes back right away cuz I have no room for them
W: I'm not gonna steal them...
M:I can't do it tonight. We will have to go through it another night when it works for both of us.
Not a big conversation by any means but most we have had in a couple of months. Having troubles with not being a nice guy yet not being a jerk. I think that I handled it ok but then again it is only a few bulbs and lights. She also does not have access to the house so in order for her to get in I would have to give her the code. Not to mention the fact the last time she came to the house alone she took somethings that she said she would return and now claims that she will keep them.
No mention of mediation from her and it has been over a month since my lawyer sent her the list of mediators.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Thanks for the reply Puppy. While it is only a small interaction it is one of the few that we have had. Also being a "Nice Guy" it is still a transistion of me thinking what I said was out of line or mean when it is actually more of the way I should be handling people in my life expecially my W. And it is often tough coming here and bothering others with my minor conversation. That and kind of wussy.
Last edited by GoBison; 12/04/0903:54 PM.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Always good to come here and read others' examples, and also to run things past the other folks who can give some guidance on how to word/phrase things.
