I do like them bananas...and it makes a lot of sense to me. Fortunately, H has asked for some referrals to therapists, so I'm hopeful that he will get in there. He is too much of a perfectionist to admit he has problems, but that perfectionism is exactly the problem!
And, I appreciate your perspective that his problems are contrary to his high standards. Great perspective.
I'm very depressed and not feeling hope for love tonight. Perhaps some sleep will help me see the light.
Well my friend invited me to the Renaisance Faire -= and since H banned me from attendance, could be a way for me to go and have fun...feeling really like I don't want to leave son to go and do that...it would be an all day thing...
This is not helping me stay calm - but I am trying so hard! H went to a work conference last night then saw on his twitter he was at a bar! Then his car was gone this morning... (he lives just down the street).
Fighting off the urge to freak out - it wouldn't hurt so much if he hadn't been so damn abusive the night before.
Sigh. If I want him back, I must not make a big deal about this AT ALL. So, on with my day...
Guess who came over tonight for a surprise drop in to visit S5, and was nice?
I showed him the deep cleaning I did for my FIL's visit this week, and he said the cat pee smell was almost gone. He could not argue with me about not taking care of the house tonight!
H started down a worry path about me moving the tv to get at the cat pee stain - freaking out about the wires, the tv's proximity to the window, etc, but he tried to keep himself under control. H was not yelling and angry about it, as I would normally expect.
The biggest relief was, no mention of how I'm not allowed in the house when he's here visiting with S and FIL - I didn't bring it up either. I have decided to give them lots of space, and even be prepared to walk away and leave if he gets upset about me being here - I have other gfs I can stay with. I'm hoping this was just something he was saying when he was angry -= and not something he's going to stick with. Either way, I'm prepared and not going to argue with him. I won't take that bait. If I had brought it up out of anxiousness, he would have definitely dug in his heels just to make a point! 180!
Weird scary thing - H, being a computer engineer, has a closet full of wires, plugs, etc. Unlike me, this Felix Unger type knows exactly where every nitpicky thing is. Yesterday, I had used a plug adapter on the carpet steamer that I used to clean cat pee - and accidentally returned it to Safeway with the steamer! Wouldn't you know that my H comes home TONIGHT and asks me where said adapter is! The very day it goes missing. He is scary psychic or something.
I kept quiet, but did not want an excuse for a fight. I'm going to safeway tomorrow to see if I an retrieve it - or just buy a new one. Whew - close one.
As things were calmer, I was dying to say ILU or hug him. He may have appeased me, but I don't want that kind of hug. I held back. Good for me!
sorry if it looks like I am just journalling lately - even if people are too busy for a response, I like to track my process. But I do miss you, friends~
Today -= the day my FIL arrived. The day I was supposed to "not be at home" because H is with family. So I GALed!
EB, do you hear that? I did something for me and I'm doing it again tomorrow~
Went out with friends all day, got invited over by another friend for dinner and girl's night. And not because I was "kicked out", but because I was having a life. So everybody wins - H got his space at home with S and FIL and I went out FOR ME.
And tomorrow - I'm going to the darn Rennaisance Faire. I kept waffling because FIL is here and I wanted to be with S and H, but I took your advice, EB, and said I'll go. My friend tonight lent me a great costume and that was my sign from the Universe to go out tomorrow and have fun for me.
Slowly slowly I"m trying to let go and detach.
Of course, no response from H. He's ignoring me. It hurts like anything. Trying to remember that this is for the long haul. Right?
What seems to be working iwth H is to listen and validate. I have to hold in my frustration that "it's all about him" right now. But H feels frustrated when I "don't understand him." So chatting lightly this morning went well as I listened and validated.
