I think there's a little voice telling you to bow out of this invitation. Heed it. Although curiosity might get the better of you, if you felt any twangs of emotion when he suggested this meeting, it probably means he still occupies a large space of your heart/mind. It might be better if you decline, and when it gets closer to selling the house, then get together to conduct business. If this IS about his regret, misc., he will somehow continue to keep contacting you.
I do think it is a very wise decision not to put the house on the market until after the holidays. People really don't seem to go househunting that time of the year anyway.
If you decide to decline the invite, just do it in a straightforward, friendly way. If he is sticking his head out a little bit, no use knocking it clear off by being too cold or indifferent. LOL
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Perfect advice which I shall take! Had more or less decided that seeing him wasnt a good idea right now.Thanks so much for your response.I know he wants to see me out of curiosity (and care) but also to use a little emotional leverage!I must be moving on- 6 months ago I would have jumped at the chance and spent all day getting ready. Truly,time heals and changes. Still love the guy though.
A, That's quite an interesting phone call that you received. It appears that he's running of money and doesn't want to spend any more on the solicitors right now. Maybe he's trying to sweeten the pot for himself by wanting to meet w/you. Who knows at this point. But you know what? You won't know what is on his mind unless you actually sit down and speak w/him.
If I were in your shoes, I'd meet up w/him, but keep your mind in the business mode and listen to what he has to say. It's the only way that you will finally get some idea as to what he's thinking about. However, keep in mind, you will need to really, really listen to what he's saying for he will be mixing the true reason for the meeting up with a bunch of garbage when he's talking to you.
If you do not feel comfortable meeting w/him, then don't do it, But for myself, I'd be a bit curious to hear what he has to say and see him.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wrote an e- mail-businesslike but couteous-saying that I was too afraid to meet him in case he used emotional pressure regarding the settlement. I told him that if settlement isnt agreed between us by Jan. when house goes up for sale then Ill take it to court for their decision. Ended by saying I hoped he was happy with himself,his choices and his future.Recieved this e-mail by return-Dear Caroline,
I understand. I thought you would be full of trepidation about meeting - I am too. I hadn't even planned to ring when I did or thought of suggesting a meeting but I couldn't help it - being as I will be in York. On my life I would not dream of trying to apply emotional pressure. There's not a day goes by when I don't think about you and pray you are ok. I too would be in danger of succumbing to emotional pressure - probably more so than you.
I know you have made a better life for yourself and have gathered your strength. I don't want to disturb you that for you. But I was so glad to have spoken with you. Thank you for giving me a few months grace. I'm just empty at the moment and need to get some strength back. I'm living like a bit of a hermit at the moment but I think its necessary to take stock.
I can't afford to employ a solicitor so I'll to continue this myself.
I hope you're right about a job coming up. If so I will consider buying you out. In the meantime I will get some estate agent valuations. I'll keep in touch by phone and email.
Bless you Caroline and keep you safe and happy.
Christopher x So- this is a turn up after so long a silence. Feel far too overwhelmed to interpret this.How best to respond?
A, I wouldn't respond to his note...let it go for a bit. If you respond, you'll continue the communication back and forth and this will eventually create emotional upheaval for you.
Focus on what's important right now...you and what you need to do to get to the other side.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks snodderly this has caused enormous upheaval in my mind. I will leave things to settle now as you suggest.At least there is some movement and communication now. Doesnt it sound to you as if he is still deep in MLC? His kind words just churn me up although its only words of course. Thank you for advice and comment.
A, Your h sounds like a very confused little boy. Deep in MLC? I would venture to say that he's a depressed individual who can't make up his mind as to what he wants. Guilt has really eaten him up and it's going to take a long time for him to forgive himself.
Step back and allow the man upstairs to work on him.
Well despite his last emotional message Ive heard nothing since. Its our 30th anniversary on the 19th. Should I send a loving and supportive message indicating I still have strong feelings for him or continue to wait ? he is clearly confused and depressed.Maybe just a friendly card? its odd he hasnt pushed the divorce but seems scared to talk also. Meanwhile,Im much stronger and even declined to meet him last month. Now I wish I had!
A, I wouldn't send anything at this time. A card of any time at this time would look like pursuit. He's all over the place and he may look at the card as another way to make him feel guilty about what he's doing. I would take myself out for a nice meal and try to enjoy the day on my own and maybe w/a few friends. Don't expect anything from him...as he doesn't want to "lead" you on. If he does contact you, then you can tell him that you were thinking of him.
Keep the focus on you...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
