Starting the process of the ending

[Lostforwords]

Well an interesting weekend to say the least. It was filled with the usual kid activities and I got out for the second weekend in a row to play some flag football. Some real good bonding time.

I really felt for my wife this weekend. I could see the trapped look she had in her eyes all weekend. It seemed like her friends were unavailable for most of the weekend to get out. Then Saturday evening it got more interesting. She went out with some friends who are in a committed relationship. Well it seems the relationship was not that committed as one of them slept with my wife's ex-gf. The other half of that relationship is supposedly the ex-gf's best friend. I can't image how much that had to have hurt my wife. I asked her about it and she stated that she lost a lot of respect for the ex-gf, but I am sure there is more. It had to really hurt to realize what she was willing to give up for her ex-gf.....when in reality their relationship (beyond friendship) might have only been another notch on the head board. I guess I might be too compassionate....because I feel bad. What a wicked web we weave.

We then had a good conversation Sunday about her moving out and how she felt. I listened and validated. She had been researching separation on the web and she did bring up on item of interest. It seems that dating right after the separation is not encouraged. She stated that she she wants to be independent and not alone. That living alone and having a BF is simpler and that is what she wants. She did note that she is scared, confused, and feels alone.

I asked her if she finds any happiness in her life at the moment. She said she doesn't, that everything sucks, and even the things she used to enjoy no longer bring her happiness (I.E. spending time with her daughter). How for a short time with her ex-gf she felt happiness, but that eventually wore away. I really feel for her. It must be such a miserable to place for her to be in mentally. Another poster had mentioned how bad the MLC'ers must feel deep down inside. I think the pain is much worse than the pain we feel.

For my wife;
I love you babe and would give you a hug......but I can't. You need to find happiness on your own. Though you haven't asked for it...I will wait as long as I can for you to find your way out of hell. How ever it works out...I will try to always be your friend.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Your compassion/empathy will serve you well in helping you hold on as long as you can.

[Lostforwords]

Tough dinner at my house tonight. My wife wasn't home from work yet and the kids and I were eating dinner together (soccer practice so we had to eat without my wife). So the kids started asking were mommy was and I told them she was working. Then my sweet little girl (who always has a big smile on her face and loves her mommy and daddy to pieces) looks at me and says "Daddy, I wish I had two mommies:(". So I ask her why does she want two mommies and she says "Because I want to spend more time with mommy and if I had two of them I could!". Then my son out of the blue (who has never had a good relationship with his mother) says "I wish mommy didn't have to work and be out so much.....I want to spend more time with her". I told them mommy was busy and that we need to work, but boy was that a tough one.

It really has been a long time since the kids have mentioned that they miss their mother. There has been the appeals from my D when my wife was leaving for her to stay home, but not like this. It was very sad to see that look on their faces.

My wife did come home before we went to practice, but I got a good view of what my children are feeling. I have to continue to be strong for them....a foundation in which they can find a little security.

[Lostforwords]

I am sore...my body is broken...my mind is mush. No...not over my marriage, but over work. LOL...been working a project by myself the requires moving over a 100 pounds of equipment all over a 30% grade, heavily wooded, and muddy hillside while clearing a path for me to work in. Oh do my legs hurt, but it does feel good to be working.

Nothing much to note on the marriage situation...pretty quiet on the western front.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

As a great friend of mine pointed out, you didn't talk your way into this, so you aren't going to talk your way out.

When things happen fast in this current relationship you find yourself in...it usually isn't good.

Slow movement isn't usually detectable. But the seeds for your actions will bring forth growth down the road. A 40 foot old oak doesn't grow over night.

It is hard to tell the difference between stagnation and growth...it is very hard.

[Lostforwords]

Ah...a miserable weather day. Today I wonder about other parents. My son had a soccer game this morning and it wasn't pretty. Before the game even started it was very noticeable that our kids were much smaller. The other team took advantage of that and played a very physical game that the smaller boys really couldn't handle (we actually had two boys leave the field and not return from injuries). But in my opinion that is part of the game. Well our coach was complaining to the ref about the second boy being hurt near the end of the game. So shortly after the game, the boy's, who caused the injury, father ran across the field and attacked our coach. Scared the p@ss out of my son who came to me crying...but what are parents like that thinking. Be a positive model for your children, and not a childish idiot.

So yesterday my daughter was talking about her step aunt. My wife explained that how that all worked and then ends it by saying.."Well you will probably have a step sister and will understand in the future". I really wanted to scream, but held my mouth in check.

Then this morning was another karma situation. My daughter was at a friends house and wanted to go to another friends house to play. So she called and my wife answered. My daughter didn't want to ask my wife and asked if I was home. I wasn't home and my wife told D that it was OK....but she was pissed enough to mention it to me and how it has happened at least three times. So I am gloating a little bit, but what does she really expect when for the 1.5 yeas she has done basically nothing with the kids and I have taken over by basically parenting them by myself. I see a backlash coming from this, but at least I am prepared....lol.

[Lostforwords]

DB/MLC'er philosophy question of the day;

So my wife is out with the co-worker today for a motorcycle ride...skipping another soccer game, no cleaning, cooking, nothing. Not that I am surprised, but I just wonder why they do what they do? Or how they see what the see in the other person?

First-We all know the intercompany relationships are very bad and can easily lead to a loss of employment
Second-This guy brags he has been married three times
Third-Currently lives with married GF

Now my wife says that nothing will happen. When I asked about his GF, her reply was "She is driving him f@cking nuts" and he wants her out of his life. That is so predictable....yet she will still go out with him for a ride. It makes me laugh really....it is easier to date an obvious scumbag than work on your family. These MLC'ers make me wonder sometimes.

Well it is time to get ready for soccer. Already played football this morning and have plans of Chicken & Broccoli Alfredo from scratch later...tonight is going to be a good night

[Lostforwords]

Well last night was ok until I went to bed. My wife returned a little after 7 and proceeded to spend three hours on her computer making plans to go to MA to see her old college friends (Hmmm....no money). So I jump on after 10 and a few minutes after she went to bed. I see on face book.."good day of sleeping, food, fresh air and a great confidence boost".

So I backslide a little and as I was getting ready for bed asked her about it. Wrong idea. She immediately became very defensive (said it was because she was sleeping), so of course I noted that and pushed it a little bit. She said is was just a friend and not the guy she spent the day with...got up and went to sleep on the couch. An hour later she wakes me up and says "You have no right to question me and I don't have to give you an answer"...."I am going to stop posting personal stuff on myspace because you and ex-gf hang on my ever post". Well in the beginning I did, but for the last year I have stopped. I did read the constant complaints about how horrible her life is...but kept my mouth shut. So in the end it was easy to delete her from my profile.

I did tell her that I deleted her and she quickly replied "well that doesn't change a thing"...to which I now answer to myself. Yes..you have alienated and disrespected my enough that I no longer want to read your self-induced problems.

[Lostforwords]

Now talk about a day getting weirder and weirder. After I posted above, I IM'ed my wife to help get some banking done. She directed me to the right web sites and such and I got it done.

So she gets home after I am finishing my daily weight work out. So I am walking around the house shirtless after doing a chest and arm workout and grab a water as she walks in. So she walks next to me as I am drinking my water and just stares at my flexed arm as I am drinking water...it may be nothing, but I am very pleased with how my bodies is starting to regain it's 20 something look again. So during her 1/2 hour break we don't say a word because my phone doesn't stop ringing with different business stuff. So she just leaves without saying a word...because I am on the phone.

So I text her later to tell her that I was taking the kids to get Halloween costumes. She replies fine...going to see therapist. This was an unscheduled appoint....hmmm.

So I go and get the kids costumes...during which she IM's me that the therapist is setting her up to get on anti-depressants. By the time I see the IM and get off a video call to her mother (MIL wanted to see kids costumes...so I had set up the video call before even logging on to see the IM) my wife has left work.

So as I am preparing dinner, my wife walks in and the first thing out of her mouth is "So you didn't want to respond to my IM". So I explain what happened and then she doesn't shut up for the rest of the time she was here. Talking about her appointment, body pains, head ache, and everything else she can fit in....the therapists has diagnosed her with a few different problems that stem from her childhood.

The only way it can weirder in my opinion is if she comes home, throws on some lingerie, and attacks me!

Some days are just plain weird

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Would you rather she talked about her day to someone else?

See...you and I had a similar problem...where I would be like,

"STFU!"...on the inside.

Oh my god can they talk about anything and everything...right?

Women want that. A confidant...you are supposed to be hers.

Do no think of it as a punishment...because really Lost, she could be talking with someone else.

Anytime I start thinking to myself...why won't she shut up? Who took the stop valve out of her mouth? I am very quickly reminded that once upon a time, she used to talk to the OM about her day.

Just saying.