W can't break EA - not sure how to handle it

[Lotus]

Tristan, You are right to be concerned. It sounds like your concern came through, in a supportive way. I really think one weekend at Retrouvaille would do the two of you enormous good. She sounds so ready for that type of experience to wash the past away and set out on a new and better course together.

[Energizer Bunny]

What a night.

I can see how your mind had been going while she was out of contact with you. It looks like you guys are still on track though.

Your W sounds like she is in a pretty dark place. She's lucky to have a H like you that is willing to help her through this instead of focusing completely on himself and telling her to hit the bricks. It's a hard mindset to maintain.

I'm happy for you that your evening went as it did. I mean, I am sorry your W is in such a dark place, but happy for you that she is still interested in working on things.

You must feel so relieved.

[breakaway]

Tristan, just a quick note...one thing I've gone through, that I'm still going through, is realizing that I can't always trust myself and my own judgment. I'm a fairly smart person, I am usually quite good at reading other people, and I'm normally fairly skeptical...and I almost ruined my life by making some enormous errors in judgment. It's frightening. Not only do I feel that I can't trust anyone else, I can't even trust me.

Something I'm working on with therapy.

Anyway...your wife has the added burden of knowing she has moods that she can't always control. How difficult. It's scary to look at the future when you feel less sure of yourself like that. I am so glad she is beginning to seek solace and comfort with God. That has been my stronghold and my rock. God doesn't change...God can be trusted. And God always wants what is truly best for us.

You are doing an amazing job with all this...don't forget to keep seeking support for yourself. I know this isn't easy for you.

[robx]

Tristan, just a quick note...one thing I've gone through, that I'm still going through, is realizing that I can't always trust myself and my own judgment. I'm a fairly smart person, I am usually quite good at reading other people, and I'm normally fairly skeptical...and I almost ruined my life by making some enormous errors in judgment. It's frightening. Not only do I feel that I can't trust anyone else, I can't even trust me.

Something I'm working on with therapy.

Anyway...your wife has the added burden of knowing she has moods that she can't always control. How difficult. It's scary to look at the future when you feel less sure of yourself like that. I am so glad she is beginning to seek solace and comfort with God. That has been my stronghold and my rock. God doesn't change...God can be trusted. And God always wants what is truly best for us.

You are doing an amazing job with all this...don't forget to keep seeking support for yourself. I know this isn't easy for you.

- breakaway please stop posting what I was going to write ;-)

Yeah I agree totally with all of this,
Tristan you are doing a great job, keep it up.

[tristan]

Thank you all for your support. She is struggling; but is really trying. I think of how hard things are for me with a mind that is chemically well regulated; I can't imagine what it is like for her.

[Coach]

Tristan, Your wife praying with you is a good sign. It's intimate to pray together. I would turn it up and lead the prayer next time.

Cheers

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Tristan,

All very good stuff (well, obviously other than her thoughts of hurting herself), and all very good signs.

Yeah, me, Puppy the Pessimist -- all good.

Praying for the two of you,

Puppy

[tristan]

Journaling:
Thursday:

No communication with W through most of the day. Had one exchange of e-mails in the afternoon.

--W------------------------
Hi,

Not much to update but wanted to share a funny story…

D3 woke up asking for her “caterpillar” … she was so upset and made me get up to help her find it. I knew she had to be dreaming but wanted to support her, we looked in her bed and no signs… I asked her to go to sleep but she wanted to sleep with me because she was upset about missing her caterpillar. She started crying saying that her fairy must have taken it…. After a little while she calmed down and said, mommy, I think that the Dublin fairy will bring me one…. It was so sweet… it touched my heart. She then asked to play with my hair to make her feel better… after this of course it took me a while to go to sleep and then over-slept…

We are so lucky, we have the most beautiful pumpkins in the entire world (mom talking… )…

I hope you day is going well.
W

PS
Thanks for last night. You always have a way of making me feel better when I am depressed.

--M----------------------------

Hola,

I have been thinking of you and hoping you were feeling better. It sounds like you are in a better place. That is good.

The “Dublin” fairy? Do you know what that means? It must have been one heck of a dream. Did she fully wake up or was she doing this in a daze? Thank you for the story, I am smiling while imagining you helping her look under the bed for the caterpillar.

By the way, it isn’t just mom talking… dad agrees

I have been doing well, getting some work done. I hope things are going well for you as well. And no need to thank me for last night. I so enjoy the time I spend with you; always have. Your prayer was especially touching. You are such a strong woman. I hope we can do more praying together in the future.

Love,
-Tristan

PS. Have you helped anyone today? (other than D3 and her caterpillar )

-------------------------------

Never received a reply to the e-mail. But it was sent late enough in the day that she may not have received it.

I stopped by a friends place on the way home from work and then went for a short run/walk. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get into a good run like I used to. Its not that I get tired, I just don't have the mental focus to do it. I slow down to a walk and think about W, girls, God, prayer, life, family, you guys, etc. Working the muscles to the brink just doesn't seem as important anymore. Perhaps it will again someday. W always said she wanted to run a marathon with me. Hope I get the chance.

[breakaway]

Have you guys ever taken the Meyers-Briggs test? I am an INTJ, which means I naturally have laser-like focus on ONE thing. In some situations, like my profession as a software developer, this is a quite a talent. I have found that in this one, however, it has caused nothing but heart-ache.

Hey I did that today. I'm an ENFP...Idealist Champion...results very interesting!

[tristan]

Journaling:
This weekend was good. The best I have had in a while. On Friday, W sent an e-mail asking if I wanted to stop by for some soup. I wrote bck saying I could stop by for a short bit. When I got there , there was much more than just soup. We had a good meal and then I helped put the girls to bed. We went down to finish our glasses of wine. After conversing for a while, the question came out "Do you really have to go?" I really had no place to be, so I told her "No". She asked if I would stay the night. I was happy too.

While in bed:
W: "I talked to my mom today."
M: "Oh yeah."
W: "She was talking to dad and told me what we should do. Do you want to hear it?"
M: "Sure."
W: "She thinks you should move in here with me and sell the house. It is easier to sell, if we aren't living in it. You know, we don't have to clean it or anything. Then we can live here while we find a place in Texas. So we can take our time and do the move right."
M: "I have actually thought about that too. If we ever got to that point."
W: "Really?"
...

Saturday, my W's birthday, girls woke us up around 8:00. I asked W if it would be OK for me to take the girls for a little bit in the afternoon so we could put together little party for her that evening before the concert. She was fine with that and then asked if I would like to join them for breakfast that morning. I did, but told her that I wanted to join a soccer match at 11:00 and needed to do some cleaning at home. She asked if she could stay at my place while I played. While at soccer, she really cleaned up the place (not that it all that bad) and decorated it for fall. The house did look great when I got back and I thanked her for it. She then spent the entire day at teh house and just stayed upstairs getting ready as girls and I prepared the party for her. The party was small, but it was nice to have the 4 of us together for her birthday. By the way 25, she absolutely loved the turtle earrings (she wore them to the concert that night).

After the orchestra, we stopped off at a jazz bar on the way home. We had a couple of cocktails and just talked for a couple of hours.

W: "So would you move in with me?"
M: "Is that a proposition?"
W: "Yes."
M: "I think I would want to stay in our house through the holidays. But I want to be together."
...

W stays with me that night.

Sunday:
W suggests we all go to church (the one I had been going to for a several weeks now). Again, this is something that has not happened for a long time and it felt great to be together again as a family at church. This almost seemed to be fate. Remember, my W asked earlier in the week "Do you believe in God?" to which my response was "Yes. I sort of need too." Well, the sermon was based on a peanuts comic strip where Linus is writing to the Great Pumpkin. In it he writes the PS "PS. I f you really are fake, please don't tell me. I don't want to know." The pastor said that he needs to believe in God to give his life meaning. After this past week, it really hit home.

The rest of Sunday was pretty much just the 4 of us relaxing around the house. We are beginning to feel like a family again. W stayed over again that night. I think last night was the first time that one of us stayed over at the others place without having sex.

M: "Were you serious last night?"
W: "About what? Selling the house and moving to Texas?"
M: "Yes."
W: "Yes I am. I need to get away from here. There is nothing here for me any more."

Monday:
This morning as I was walking out the door, I noticed my W was reading the book "Fall in Love, Stay in Love".

M: "Are you going to sop by tonight?"
W: "Yes."
M: "Are you going to stay?"
W: "Yes. I need to pick up some clothes on the way home."

I am feeling like we are a family again.