I'm all caught up w/you now and it is really neat that you are doing so well w/BF and he's so receptive to the baby talk. The good news also means that more baby talk w/lead to the best part of the baby-making process -- PRACTICE!!!
kat said what I was going to say:
Quote:
if you wait until everything is just so to have kids, you never will
This is so incredibly true. As far as the money and stuff like that goes, you just seem to find a way to make it work. Once you decide to go for it, it all figures out a way to work out for you.
So, don't wait for the perfect moment, but instead get after it, girl! Besides, in the meantime, at least you'll be getting in lots and lots of practice!
Hey everyone, Rob, yes I am back !!! We had an AMAZING time in Greece, one of the best holidays I've ever had. It was just beautiful, really really hot and of course, it was fantastic to meet Maria at last, see where she lives and just hang out and chat, meet her family too, be silly and pull faces and giggle (and with her kids! ) and also, to eat loads of yummy Greek food (thanks M!). I was glad to meet her H at last, despite all he has done, because I am a curious person. And yes, sadly, we were terribly British and polite and DID shake his hand.
After a lovely few days at the house, we went off round the islands, which was brilliant and we had the best time. Santorini in particular is stunning, but it was a little crowded, so we went and sizzled on the beach at Naxos (a nudist beach!). We saw some funny sights, as Naturists tend to be over 60's!
We had a chat about M's H one night and she asked bf for his perspective. What he said was VERY interesting to me, he's touched on it once before in a chat before our holiday, but he actually admitted what I kept telling him before the bomb.. he feels that the fact her H's Mum died a few years back, plus other relatives soon after was very interesting and could be the trigger for his A and the S. He went onto explain that men dont deal with things, they say they do, or are, but they arent. In reality, men are weak and cant look at emotional things, so very much comparmentalise them and literally shut a door on it and go, I'm not looking at that, I cant deal with it and slam it. But that its not then dealt with and festers. He said he didnt deal with the death of his Dad, despite telling me he had and says to some extent he still hasnt dealt with it. He said it DOES have a catastrophic effect in some cases and makes you aware of your own mortality and like, is this it? and mumbled something about being aware of last chance, or time running out.. and then he trailed off. But I was sat listening to this in M's house, almost mouth open. Because this was EXACTLY what I was saying to him summer 2007 and he got angry and said "its NOTHING to do with the death of my Dad, dont bring my Dad into this, I just dont love you anymore.". But then like bf also said, hindsight is a wonderful thing and you can only see what was going on at the time, with the perspective of a few years.
We also had another big talk on the islands one night and he was very relaxed and open about it, which is a big difference to 2, 3, 4 or 5 months ago. Although our reconciliation was fast I agree, it has still taken him 5 months to be comfortable talking about some issues and he still isnt completely. More on that later though. Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I am so glad that you had a wonderful holiday! I am sure it was wonderful to meet Maria. I can see her being such a sweet and warm person. Also glad that bf could open up a bit about his Dad's passing. In my own case, when my grandmother died, everyone thought I should be over it all ready and didn't want to hear me anymore. It is still coming out bit by bit and it has been 10 years!!
Take care of your wonderful selves and I will check back with you later.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Kat, Mish, yes it does feel amazing... surreal even to be back to normal.
We had a big convo on holiday which I cant remember much of now, but he DID tell me that he wanted to come back sooner, but that he "couldnt face" it, as he knew he had to make it up to me.. and at that time, he could barely take care of himself (because of messing up so much and being depressed).. he said, he literally didnt care what happened to him for about a year, so although he wasnt deliberately suicidal, he was in effect, as he wasnt taking care of himself at all and didnt care about himself. He wasnt eating well, drinking heavily and felt crazy. But hey, we know that.
I told him that my Mum, BFF and Aunties (and I think K!) all told me, just tell him.. come home. Just come home.. but I felt I couldnt say that to him, he had to want to come back and then he sort of made a snort.. I said, wow, if I had of then, would you have? And I intuitively added.. if I had also said, its ok, come home, you dont have to make it up to me, we will just put it behind us for now.. he said, yes, maybe I would have (damn why didnt I say it then!!!)
He said...I just couldnt take care of myself and so couldnt face the thought of not only taking care of you too, but having to make it up to you on top of that. So there you go kids. Guess thats why the DB way says to minimise guilt and be super forgiving. You do need SOME encouragement though hey and at least he was giving that to me at the time.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Ali, you know he had to get to a better place first. I know how impatient I can be so I totally get the feeling there. I spoke with Steve Gunn this weekend, Priya had recommended him to me to help understand soul connections.
He is British and a hoot. He is talking about karma and so I ask him if he knows what karma flirt guy and I need to settle and he says yes, but I am not going to do the work for you. Your guy by the way is a bit of an emotional storm and has quite a bit to work out.
I already knew that. Steve says that he is drawing energy from me to help himself feel better but little does he know I am feeling all of that with big bad headaches! I have also "known" he was getting a little upset with himself because he wouldn't stop thinking about me.
I have a long way to go to understand this stuff, but it was very nice to speak with someone who understood what I was going through. Thank goodness, I am not crazy.
Sorry to hijack but wanted to let you know.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I am so VERY happy for you and BF!!! It's hard to believe it's been almost 5 months since you reunited. You made more wonderful memories together on your Greek holiday that will bond you together even more strongly.
Hey girls... I really want to keep posting if it helps, especially as I am sure theres more to uncover.
I discovered something new on holiday. Remember I was upset he took her for a weekend in Wales at BMF? Well seems they dropped in on another old BMF on the way (my exBF in fact! The one that treated me badly and made bf realise he was in love with me and wanted to wrestle me away from that guy)..I know its daft, but it adds more hurt. Still, he couldnt be more reassuring, so like all the rest of it, I just have to ...let it go.
Kat, no problem! So that guy was helpful? And he was sure Mr flirt is still thinking of you? Its been over a year hasnt it since you spoke..could you get in touch? Send him a funny card or something??
GAG, thanks so much, its such a short time really, but feels like a lifetime too! I thought it was interesting that he basically said his depression made him unable to take care of himself or do the right thing by himself, he couldnt stress enough, he just didnt care, that he was very self destructive. But even with all that, he know deep down he still loved me and although he missed me terribly, he couldnt face coming back because of the effort it would take to fix it. I presume he then started dating Helen at that point, as it may have seemed an easier option and besides, he just didnt think about it, he literally fell into headlong and once he had, he found it very very hard to extricate himself. Men are such idiots !
I will check out your threads later today. xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
) and also, to eat loads of yummy Greek food (thanks M!). I was glad to meet her H at last, despite all he has done, because I am a curious person. And yes, sadly, we were terribly British and polite and DID shake his hand.
