I'm suggesting that he be mysteriously unavailable when she does (return). That was my point in the "contact." If there's a way for him to communicate that other than via a text message, I'd be all for it; is there a place to leave her a physical note, and have her come back to no-Tristan??
And I too am assuming OM contact. It sucks. I know that I shouldn't assume, but what other reasonable reason could be for this erratic behavior? I wish I could explain it some other way, but I can't. I will go with the NC. Thanks again for the 2x4's.
Now what should I do with these to orchestra tickets I have for her birthday (Saturday). I asked if she wanted to go out that night and she did say yes. I guess I will play it by ear, but I need to line up a babysitter for that night soon.
Last night W, who is still in Arizona, called daycare provider, also a mutual friend of ours, to ask how the girls were doing. She told her that she called her to not upset the girls. If that was her concern, why wouldn't she just call me at work or after the girls go to bed? WTH is going on?
Maybe she wanted a third party perspective or a woman's perspective on how the kids are doing. Maybe she didn't want to bother you with a mundane call about the kids.
If you really want to know then ask. If not let it go. Does it really matter? One quote here that helped me was this, "The people here who have success are the ones who see the good in the situation."
It does come across as needy and controlling. Don't make decisions based on emotions. A few facts ruin a lot of arguments.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"The people here who have success are the ones who see the good in the situation."
I can tell you from a woman's perspective anyway, that when my StBX starting running his negative script of how he viewd me words & actions... it pushed me so far away.
When it was clear he was giving me the benefit of the doubt & at least attempting to see my actions & words in a 'good' light, it was like a magnet drawing me to him.
People want to be judged on their intentions, sadly we judge on actions. But just as people view words to have different interpretations, different people do the same action with very different intentions.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Maybe she wanted a third party perspective or a woman's perspective on how the kids are doing. Maybe she didn't want to bother you with a mundane call about the kids.
Maybe she just wanted to get away from everything and take time to think on her own. Working on my PMA.
Originally Posted By: Coach
One quote here that helped me was this, "The people here who have success are the ones who see the good in the situation."
Easy to remember quaotes are always good. And I do have a lot of good going on in my sitch
Originally Posted By: Coach
It does come across as needy and controlling. Don't make decisions based on emotions. A few facts ruin a lot of arguments.
Thanks Coach. I now know not to make decissions based on emotions. That is why I came here first
You are too needy. and you are allowing her to get you all worked upped. Act mysterious, dont contact, take it slow, GAL; everything you are being told to do she is doing to you. Analyze the effect it has on you.
you are questioning things you will never know about. and why? she is at the grand canyon. you know how much walking around that is. she might be tired. ever been there? its a very 'spiritual' place. she might be having an awakening about herself. maybe about you. you will never know.
if you really curious about this OM. call his office. bet you he is still in town. say you are steve mcqueen and you are calling about the car he has in the paper, i dont care.
I know she is not there with him. She went to visit her cousin. I think I am doing better, I did not contact and feel good about it. I know I am still needy on the inside; but I really am trying to show a strong exterior. The ol fake it till I make it, or for you sophisticated folks: Long pretense makes reality. (Was that you Puppy?)
Journaling: Tuesday Evening: I regained my composure this afternoon and was ablt to work. Its times like these that I wish I worked a physical job and did not need to concentrate. It is so hard when your mind naturally wanders into the world of obsesive thoughts. You know this talent is called "focus" when it is targeted at things we can control. However, I have now found the dark side of this God given gift. Sometimes, I wish I could just give it back.
Anyway, the girls helped distract my mind tonight. The I took a little of Greek's advice and hung an oil painting that my W replaced shortly after we got married. It is of two soccer players colliding during a match. A very masculine picture. I had it over the mantle before we married. I did not put it back above the mantle, because I do like the picture we replaced it with. However, I did find another prominent spot in the living room above the sofa for it.
W flies in sometime this evening. I do hope she enjoyed her trip. I will probably send her our normal "how the girls did" e-mail tomorrow morning. It is something that she asked that I send her. So it will be nothing out of the ordinary.
