Journaling: Sunday: I don't know if it is the recent sessions with the IC where he asks me about my anger or what. But this weekend, I have found myself having angry thoughts toward W. We spent 3 years saving for a down payment for a home in a good school district for girls. In the past 8 months we have depleted most of it. Me trying to save our marriage; her trying to escape from it. I think about where we will be starting from even if we do get back together and it really angers me. Then I think "Do I want to take the chance of all of this happening again?" For some reason my answer is still "Yes." But I wonder "Why?"
Journaling: Sunday Evening: With W in Arizona tonight, it was just girls and I for our Sunday night movie "Indian in the Cupboard". Girls were very attentive. A little surprising, D3 still has some problems sitting through an entire movie. The movie was OK, but it had a couple quotes at the end that caught my attention.
Little Bear (the Indian) is explaining the path to manhood as an Iroqois Indian. "The boy is taken to the wilderness and left there alone for an entire year. After the seasons change, he returns back to the tribe as a man." How many of us fell we are doing the same thing. We have been left in the wilderness alone (some for years) by are spouses. However, when we walk out, we will have grown into something more than what we were before.
Before returning back to his life, Little Bear asks the boy "What about the Iroquois? Are we always a great people?". The boy thinks about it for a while and responds "Yes. The Iroquois remain a great people. However, the times are not always good." The fact that I am not in good times doesn't mean that I can't be a great person. I sometimes forget that.
This is our year in the woods. I imagine that we will all be changed by our experience forever. I know I will be.
It's good that you are ablo feel your anger and yet still make a conscious decision that your family is still worth taking the chance for. Good for you. I think that's very healthy.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Journaling: Monday Evening: My W has been in Arizona since Friday. I haven't heard from her since she left. I miss her.
These past few nights, I have been reading Coach's story from the beginning. I have made it through 2nd quarter's timeout. What an inspiring story. Thanks Coach, you help me stay strong. Thanks to Puppy, P2 and the many other experienced lurkers out there as well. You are helping many more with each post than you may believe.
It's good that you are ablo feel your anger and yet still make a conscious decision that your family is still worth taking the chance for. Good for you. I think that's very healthy.
Thanks EB. Although I don't know if I am conciously saying yes to reconciling. Its my feelings, other than anger, that are compelling me to reconcile. My conscious mind is the one wondering "Why would you do this?" However, after considering it, I am sure it would come to confirm the decission
I need advice. My gut is wrenching. Last night W, who is still in Arizona, called daycare provider, also a mutual friend of ours, to ask how the girls were doing. She told her that she called her to not upset the girls. If that was her concern, why wouldn't she just call me at work or after the girls go to bed? WTH is going on? A week ago she is telling me she wants to be a family again, we are ML, and things were great. Today she can't even call me to find out how the kids are doing? I don't get it.
The last time we talked was good. I said goodbye with a passionate kiss. I said have a safe trip. After that, I set up a MC session and left a VM to tell her when it was. There has been no communication since.
I want to text her something. Maybe just something simple: "Hope all is well. Have a safe trip." (she is flying back today). I would really like to invite her over to see the girls when she arrives, but I don't know how late her flight arrives. Plus I know that it would be taken as pursuing. However, is the text a bad idea?
Can someone give me a reasonable explanation of what is going through her head. My mind is wandering to bad places right now.
My immediate hunch would be "OM contact," but it could be simple Martian rubber-band pullback. Although that's normally more associated with men, some women do it too; does she often pull back emotionally after getting close to you?
If you text her, I wouldn't do a "how are you"; I would do more of a "Tristan's Getting-A-Life" one, such as "Hope all is well with you; just wanted to let you know you may not be able to reach me for a few hours this afternoon, as I need to do something, but I hope you have a safe trip" -- or something similar. Be mysterious.
I know you're anxious, but don't assume the worst. Several months ago, two phone #s kept showing up on my wife's cellphone bill, and I thought "only ONE Of them can be her new divorced GF," but it turned out that one was the woman's home phone, and one was her cellphone.
I need advice. My gut is wrenching. Last night W, who is still in Arizona, called daycare provider, also a mutual friend of ours, to ask how the girls were doing. She told her that she called her to not upset the girls. If that was her concern, why wouldn't she just call me at work or after the girls go to bed? WTH is going on? A week ago she is telling me she wants to be a family again, we are ML, and things were great. Today she can't even call me to find out how the kids are doing? I don't get it.
The last time we talked was good. I said goodbye with a passionate kiss. I said have a safe trip. After that, I set up a MC session and left a VM to tell her when it was. There has been no communication since.
I want to text her something. Maybe just something simple: "Hope all is well. Have a safe trip." (she is flying back today). I would really like to invite her over to see the girls when she arrives, but I don't know how late her flight arrives. Plus I know that it would be taken as pursuing. However, is the text a bad idea?
Can someone give me a reasonable explanation of what is going through her head. My mind is wandering to bad places right now.
Needy, clingy, pursuing, ring a bell? All unattractive, insecure traits, all will make her run away from you.
Do these things and drive her away.
You can't control her, let her do what she wants to do. You can only control you.
If she is contacting OM, what can you do about it anyways?
Remember, you weren't going to set boundaries about the OM until marriage counselling and you were still waffling on that one too.
No contact, let her contact you.
I hope you will listen to this one, it will make a difference.
My immediate hunch would be "OM contact," but it could be simple Martian rubber-band pullback. Although that's normally more associated with men, some women do it too; does she often pull back emotionally after getting close to you?
If you text her, I wouldn't do a "how are you"; I would do more of a "Tristan's Getting-A-Life" one, such as "Hope all is well with you; just wanted to let you know you may not be able to reach me for a few hours this afternoon, as I need to do something, but I hope you have a safe trip" -- or something similar. Be mysterious.
I know you're anxious, but don't assume the worst. Several months ago, two phone #s kept showing up on my wife's cellphone bill, and I thought "only ONE Of them can be her new divorced GF," but it turned out that one was the woman's home phone, and one was her cellphone.
Don't assume.
Puppy
I would say still no contact with her.
Tristan, you have alot of expectations and nothing has really changed other than you're seeing her more regularly now.
No expectations, no expectations, no expectations.
If she does feel safe around you, she won't be around you.
If she senses you are insecure, angry, hostile, etc. She won't want to be around you.
No contact.
You are dark till she returns and when she does return, let her initiate contact and you can gauge her form by her communication with you.
