I am Don Quixote

[forward]

Sleeper, I think you need to be around OM as little as possible, that's for sure.

I think the point here is that you are still fixated on them instead of on yourself and your own life.

Actually, your post made me realize that although I would like to avoid OW (really OG) as much as possible and while I have no respect for her, she exists and my D has a relationship with her and my STBX H has said he wants to marry her.

If he is dumb enough to do that, I am stuck dealing with her. I don't really think he wants to as it seemed like a dramatic card pulled out of the hat--H is a drama king, I now realize--but who knows. Maybe they'll have the big white tacky suburban lovefest OG has always dreamed of.

At this point, I'm more interested in thinking about where I might want to move to.

[forward]

Also, OW will never be welcome in my home.

[sleeper]

I hope your H doesn't marry his "OG" if for nothing else but the sake of your D. The constant theme of this 2.75 year nightmare I've been in has been for my worst fears to come true. Although both of them say they don't want a child together that is exactly what I expect to happen.

"Hope for the best but expect the worst."

Also, OW will never be welcome in my home.

That is your right and choice. OMH has always waited in the car when X has had occasion to come by my place with him. If there was ever a reason for him to come inside and I refused I would be proving once again to X that I am the most "passive agressive" person in the history of the human race and further cementing my status of inferiority to OMH.

And that would be quite alright with me.

[sleeper]

Today was hell.

Normally I wouldn't say something like that but DS came to me this evening and said, "Dad, you had a bad day.", and began to list all the stuff that has happened.

One of the high points of the day was X screamng obscenities at me on the phone. It was different this time because I was more detached and although I became upset I did not engage her at all. I recall an extended time of silence when I said nothing to her in response. Also after she hung up on me and called back (yes, sigh, I did answer) I asked if she was still there.

I was made aware I've made a "baby step" of my own when DD commented to me after the phone spew, "Dad, you didn't use one cuss word the whole time." I was floored as I was trying to be reserved but not aware I had used none at all. I hate to admit that when profanity is flying my way in a fast and furious manner by one with whom I was previously emotionally involved I would sometimes return a measure of the same. That comment by DD may, no, was, the hight point of my day as I did at least one thing right (in front of my children) and have made some progress.

Although out of the blue, the spew from X was basically old hat. However she did dwell on a new theme that I had "no respect" for her during our M or now. Does anyone else find such a comment strange when it is made strewn within "F U's"? She also said she "hates" me. How ironic as I have thought recently (for the first time) that I may actually hate her. I was tempted but refrained from telling her I hate her too as the emotional toll of shared custody has been wearing upon me of late.

I agreed by phone to meeting at a city park so she could see the children. While there we had what I would call the first of what will probably be many family meetings to come. She related how hard this is on her to which I responded (in front of the children) that it is hard on all of us. The children agreed. I then told her the children have told me they miss me the weeks they are with her and miss her the weeks they are with me. Her bacic premise is that she has been overly generous by agreeing to joint custody (thanks be to she who controls all) and therefore I should accomidate her by giving her access to the children at her convience the weeks I have them.

So after a bad day, DS came up to me at bedtime and said, "Dad, I'm sorry you had a bad day" and began to list the things that happened today.

I hate this sh*t.

[graceallday]

some how i know we all have to keep the kids in mind...and having both parents in this hell is probably whats best..but help me understand how come your wife ( or any WAS) thinks they should have custody is beyond me....destroy the family and oh by the way ...they get the kids.....I KOW THERE IS NO LOGIC IN ANY OF THIS BUT I SAY CALL HER ON HER BS....THE WALK AWAY GETS TO WALK ANWAY AND TAKE NOTHING...THAT HOW I WOULD DO IT IF I WAS THE JUDGE...

[Fallgirl]

I`m just bothered that the kids see so much of you two fighting.Still! And are cauught up in the middle of it.

When your S says "Dad, I`m sorry you had a bad day" Why is HE sorry? Does he feel its his fault?

In seeing you cussing her mother how does your D feel about half her DNA?How is she learning to deal with conflict?What kind of a man will she be attracted to?

Sleeper, wake up! Detach from your wife. She made her choice-and it deosn`t include you. She may well be conflicted with that, she may well be emotionally involved at some level. She may well enjoy the fact that two men are fighting over her. Whatever.

You can do better than this.You are not respecting you, your kids or indeed, your ladyfriend this way.

Its a damn bloody painful place. And rejection is a damn bloody painful experience.Why do you keep seeking it out?

Mind yourself!You sound like a really good, talented, warm guy. You can do better than this.

Mind your kids!Your job is to fill their memory bank with lots of love and wonderful times together(just the three of you!)

[sleeper]

When S says "Dad, I'm sorry you had a bad day" Why is HE sorry? Does he feel it's his fault?

DS is very bright AND very sensitive. He had given me a hard time by repeatedly not following instructions in the afternoon and realized that added to the difficulty of my "bad day".

The truth eventualy comes out and both children have already come to the conclusion that X is the source of all conflict. I believe in their own time they will conclude as I have that X is not stable. DS once commented after phone spew in which X used a plethora of obscenities and I probably used one or two, "Thanks for standing up for us dad." I think she was 8 years old then.

This is just another episode in X's neverending saga; we're divorced but I'm still going to get what I want when I want it and if I don't "I'll make your life a living hell." The comment in quotation marks she said once when we were standing outside the car the kids were in because she wanted them even though it was my week and I said no. (I'm sure they heard).

Ladyfriend and I are done. That was another development in yesterday's "bad day." We were moving that direction anyway as you may have read. Ironically in the spew yesterday X threatened to break us up. What she did not do deliberately she contributed to effectively. X doesn't know of course but the kids will eventually tell her.

I'm not seeking this out. All this came to me yesterday from X. She had been wanting to see the kids since Friday but every time she called I had plans or was in the car going somewhere with them. By yesterday afternoon all that pent up entitlement exploded into a lava flow of vitrol and profanity laced with legal and personal threats.

Your job is to fill their memory banks with lots of love and wonderful times together

I will. We're going to have a great time together today.

[forward]

Sleeper, I am sorry--that is indeed a bad day.

I can tell you've managed the very best that you can.....

[*KS*Chick*]

sleeper - I'm thinking Fallgirl hit it right on the head. Your ex wife has remarried, and is making a new life with her husband and it does not include you - and shouldn't. You need to stop focusing on what she is doing, or what he is doing and make sure that your children KNOW they are the focus of your love. If the kids are present, don't talk to her - if you don't feel you can both be civil. Teach them that no matter what has happened with the parents, you are there for them. And by participating in group dinners, you are sending such a strange mixed signal to them. I mean, if your ex wife asked you to join her and her husband in bed, would you do that as well?

Sigh...

Stop debating and really read some of the things posted to you. Don't provide an excuse or a rebuttal for every statement. Just stop, read, process.

[Andabelle]

I'd stick to the visitation schedule from now on.

Did LF take it badly?