M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I will ask open questions that require real dialogue to answer. And when she answers I will really listen. I must admit I have rarely done that when it came to discussing her work.
Wife came home after I had already gone to bed. When she got in bed I gave her an enthusiastic "hi......nice to see you". "You can't see me" - since it was dark in the room and I didn't have my contacts in. "Well...nice to feel you" followed by a touch and then a minute or so of conversation.
I then offered a cuddle. She declined, but not vehemently, so I slid over and cuddled her for a while anyway. I know some of that goes against DB principles, but I also think it doesn't hurt to shake things up and test the waters once in a while.
Agree or disagree?
This morning she was sleeping when I left for work, so I simply kissed her and left.
Disagree!! Are you crazy? Isn't this the woman that you tried to have sex with when she was passed out and she didn't want you in the same bed after that. Isn't that why she LEFT?
What part of no don't you understand? Do you have any respect for her boundaries? Apparently not. Ignoring someone's boundaries, especially in your situation, is not "shaking things up" or "testing the waters." The only "test" that is is whether you can still have your way DESPITE what she says.
If anyone says, well maybe she didn't mean it, it doesn't matter. In a healthy relationship people say what they mean and respect what someone else says.
Hmmm.....I don't think it was as extreme as your take on it, but it does make sense that she could see it as not respecting boundaries. That's why I asked for opinions. Thanks!
Breakaway - I have been thinking more about your comment. Maybe my wife did take it as "extreme" as you put it. Damn - sometimes I really don't get it. I'm going to make sure I really back off on the physical stuff now to make sure she feels safe. Thanks again.
TOOO Much testing, not much giving her space that all WAW's need.
Remember we are trying to help, start looking at the overall message from all. Are you following it, or still going off on your own, how's that working for you?
I was extra careful with the space thing this weekend.
Wife seemed very iritated Saturday night and then went to move with a friend from work. She said she was "driving herself crazy" when they called and asked what she was doing. Later she said, "I was just sitting there alone - trying to watch tv", so she went out. I was purposely leaving her alone and content watching hockey (Canadian eh)downstairs.
Sunday was a good day. Grocery shopped together and then made dinner together. Watched tv together for a while and then both of us read in bed and then went to sleep.
My wife was very ill when I came home from work last night. Another episode of her most recent problem that still hasn't been diagnosed. She was still feeling awful this morning, but went to work.
As for our relationship, it seems like we are in limboland. I believe she still really wants out and our marriage would be over today if there was a simple exit strategy. No fighting or anything, just living like roommates.
