Well the boiler is misbehaving and its blooming freezin, so I sent H a txt with a picture of madam with her rosette on and ask him if I can relight the pilot, so he phoned me back, he was very complimentary about my winning and agreed that I need to phone the engineer tomorrow morning, then he started being twitchy, he told me about his firing then said he might not be coming up till thursday now! He then got very twitchy and defensive, I mention he seemed antsy but no no hes ok, bullfrogs is he, he has spent the day with my sister and my parents, so I bet a great deal of stirring has gone on and suddenly hes not coming till thursday, well I said "do as you please it makes no difference to me" Im so angry at the moment my family have obviously been stirring.. I just want to txt him and tell him to forget it all Ive had enough he can have his stupid life Im seeing a lawyer and to hell with it all! I have had a fabulous day with madam, got our first red rossette which means a lot to us as we have had to put a great deal of hard work in to get it and he spoils it all.. My own stupid fault I guess shouldnt have txt him..
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Congrats on the rosette also! Nothing worse than a well-meaning family member or friend to try to help but end up really messing up a relationship that is kinda rocky or is just back on the road to healing. You can't control what your family does or says to him but you can support how he felt about it.
Believe me ladies what my parents/sister do is anything but well meaning!
He knows what they are all like, I havent been friends with my sister for years! With all the spiteful things she has done, but H has suddenly become all rose tinted glasses about how they used to be friends before and I apparently stopped it!
Im just so angry at the moment I just want to end the whole thing, I cant do this anymore.. Im fed up of being on my own in this big house whilst he is poncing about leaving me to be responsible for it all!
Feel like txting him that if he must use the place as a b&b he can wait till friday!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hang in there rabbit!!! Jump in that car or go for a walk - whatever and get out of the house for awhile. Your feelings totally make sense but do not txt him. Let him realize on his own what your sister is like - keep being the great wonderful you! If it's time to give up on him then let it be your own decision that you've given some serious thought to...don't react to your sister who seems to be trying to push your buttons. If she's as negative as what you say then she doesn't deserve to see any reaction from you at all.
Thanks Buttercup wise words, thats why we moved away from them all as its much pleasanter than being amongst a bed of vipers. I did say to H if he plays with vipers he is liable to get bitten! But then every thing I think is wrong these days just because he wants to do the opposite just because he can!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Ditto what BC said. This is a good time to follow GIMA's 48 hour rule. Give yourself 48 hours to cool off and think before you take action. Is there some way to find out what the interaction between H and your family was?
Sorry for being dense. Is the rosette really what I THINK it is??????
Sorry I haven't been on for a bit still waiting for the net to be connected at home,so relying on work's net at present.
I think like everyone else, you need to just back it off a little bit because whilst he is coming and go like he is, you are giving him everything whilst he is at home, you need to make him want to come back more and more to get just a little bit more from Rabbit, so don't show him all your goods at once, little bits at a time.
I am sure he does want to come back Rabbit but is still unsure because of the aliens he is mixing with, but he will need to be reeled in very very slowly.
Im just so angry at the moment I just want to end the whole thing, I cant do this anymore.. Im fed up of being on my own in this big house whilst he is poncing about leaving me to be responsible for it all!
Oh my friend - read this again, now who do you sound like?! Oh yes, that would be me!
You may be fed up about the whole situation but you ARE doing this ... it's not about can't. What option do you have? You have not been able to drag H back kicking and screaming so you have got him there by being the best DB'er that you possibly can.
Now then, examine the facts: H has said that he will arrive a day later than planned. Try to forget the interaction between him and your family for a moment - all that means is that we are talking 24hrs later ... 24hrs. We have been doing this for much longer than 24 days ... so that, in my mind, is not long to wait. Frustrating yes, but you go kicking off now and all you will see is the smoke from his heels. WAIT do nothing.
For what it's worth, I would not be contacting your family over this. Your relationship with them is not great in the first place - you go in guns blazing and see how things deteriorate - not only with you and them but with you and H too. Back off - show them that they are not worth it and you don't need to know - what's more, you don't care! Remember, fake it till you make it.
This could all be a ploy - H could well be looking for a reaction here so don't give it to him! I believe that, in their own way, WASs DB us as much as we do them. I emailed and sent a text to my H last night in regard an urgent financial meeting and guess what? No reply.
I think that the disappointment of your H pushing back on the plans has come as even more of a bitter pill off the back of your brilliant win and Red Rosette - well done you and madam!! You were literally 'riding high' and H has brought you crashing down with a thud, putting you lower than you were ready to go after such a positive performance.
You have also been living off the back of your big win in the bedroom stakes and this is the 'pull back' that I tried to warn you would come, remember??? Read back over your post, if not! This is not a 2x4 upside your head but just to highlight that we see this all the time on the forum and yet everyone jumps into the same firepit. It's purely being over-eager at your success and wanting to move H on before he is ready. This is a NORMAL response from the WAS and now you are experiencing it, you see how painful it can be.
So, what to do next? IMHO you sit and wait. Go quiet. H has already said that he will be with you on Thursday so what have you to lose until then? Continue about your merry way, be as happy as you can muster and be ready for when he does arrive, showing him that changing his plans have not affected you one iota. Do something meanwhile to work off that anger and tension that you have allowed to mannifest itself and then start to prepare!
Like most of us, you want the house looking good when H arrives, with just the right amount of 'evidence' around the place to show that you have been GAL'ing, so go pull on those Marigolds and take out your tension on something positive.
Rabbit, I'm not trying to brush off your feelings because you know that I feel exactly as you do about being left in the house and being expected to cope alone. You are making some much better inroads than I am though and I would hate to see you blow this now. You have to 'do the dance' and take one step forward and then two backward ... there must be a name for that in tap, right?!!
As they say here in Oz, "toughen up Princess" or "get a can of harden up spray" .... and go about YOUR business, do not dwell on H's. He will do what he will, with or without you. Do not let him affect you today. Get up and get on with your day, whatever it has in store.... be the fun Rabbit that we all know and love - have your cry or your little tanty and move forward .... make this disappointment work in your favour and not against you.
Work out that anger BEFORE H comes on Thursday but also work out what your 'new' rules are going to be. You now know that he is cake eating, so why wait another week before you go Gucci?? What is to be gained - and have H's actions this week already not shown you WHY you need to act with some boundaries or some solution focused goals??
((((Rabbit)))) I fear that you are going down a cheeseless tunnel here .... get the book out and make a new path leading to the prize ... FIND THE CHEESE!!! I think that you don't have to go far - you are right along side it.
Now, here's MY challenge to you .... watcha gonna do, girlfriend?!! Sink, or swim??
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Thanks for your excellent post. This was just what I needed to hear now too.
The thought occurred to me after reading your response that if Mr. Rabbit pushed back after interacting with LR's family it would be really easy for him to transfer ALL of his guilt/anger to Ms. Rabbit if she inserts herself into this situation by contacting him. He will have to be alone with his thoughts if Ms. Rabbit keeps quiet. Just my 2 cents as we say in this part of the world.
